What did the dog get after graduating college?

A pedigree.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pomik108
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
🚨︎ report
When my kid graduates high school I want him to go to Indiana for college.

Then I can have a β€œHoosier Daddy” bumper sticker.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/damscomp
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I wrote a card for my friend who just graduated high school and wants to study geology and/or paleontology in college. She also likes puns :)
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Neutrinoccino
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife found out she's pregnant (pregante, pragnent, etc.) and graduated college at the same time!

She earned her MA degrees!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
🚨︎ report
The fresh college graduate of Contortion University wanted to work in the field as quickly as possible

He was bent on success

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the kid who graduated college at 16 years old?

He’s so bright, his father calls him Son.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nimo01
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad's citation at my college graduation party.

"In honor of this celebration, I'd like to quote the late 20th century philosopher A. Cooper:

School...is out... For summer.

School...is out... Forever.

Let's reflect on these words in our moments together today. Thank you."

πŸ‘︎ 107
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2013
🚨︎ report
I finally graduated from college so my cynical dad surprised me with a homemade card...(x/post from r/funny) imgur.com/a/4xLXM
πŸ‘︎ 92
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ERICAAAW
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2013
🚨︎ report
On discussing my approaching college graduation...

Dad- "Knock, knock"

Me- "Who's there?"

Dad- "Reality!"

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rbart65
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2013
🚨︎ report
I graduated college today

Congraduations to me.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2015
🚨︎ report
The best way to get dad joked:

I know it's been done before, and many a dad before me and many a dad after me will get to experience this, but in these dark times this was a ray of light that pierced me right to the core with joy.

I came home, and my bright and bubbly ballerina 6 year old runs up and says can I have a hug!?

She asks very tentatively because she knows I have been out all day and the routine is for me to grab a shower (COVID) before I let them get all over me.

So I say, not yet I'm dirty.

She says awww... then she turns to walk away, but then spins back around and looks at me dead in the eye and says:

Hi! um...

wait a sec,

um, I know um,

um, wait.... dir...

[Face beams the biggest smile of accomplishment]

Hi Dirty! I'm [daughter]!

I know we have those proud moments when they turn, but man her delivery, the awkwardness, and the sheer pride she beamed out when she realized she just pulled the reverse dad joke on me...

It's not the getting reverse dad'd, it's the joy and pride she had... she could have just graduated college, and that's how big her beaming smile was right then...

It's a memory I am going to keep and it really lit up this dark time.

πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/leyline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Steve Jobs never graduated

I found out that Steve Jobs never graduated from college - I guess an Apple a day keeps the doctorate away!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/speculatrix
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I dadjoked my students today, pretty proud of it actually.

I am a teacher, I teach history first semester and economics second semester.

One student was upset about having so many graphs to understand and learn how to use.

St: I'm ok with memorizing everything about history, I'm ok figuring out how wars started and ended, but graphs...

Me: graphs is where you draw the line huh?

A five on the sighsmograph. Beautiful!

Edit: spelling

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sal6a
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2015
🚨︎ report
There's an onion, and he's studying law at a prestigious college. He's in his third year, and after a particularly tough day, he gets an invite from one of his onion-friends to a party they're having that evening.

Being tired and weary, the lawyer-onion isn't sure whether to go, but decides he needs cheering up.

So he dresses smartly, puts on his favorite aftershave and heads over to his friend's.

He gets to the party to find it quite a packed affair and heads over to the bar - fighting through crowds of reveller-onions - to get a drink.

As he gets to the bar, he notices in one corner a slightly out-of-place female onion.

She looks a bit sad and being the compassionate onion that he is, he heads over to talk to her.

This is quickly affirmed as a good move, as they hit it off immediately; she was abandoned by her friends shortly after arriving and had been minding her own business ever since, but over a night of drinks and talking, they quickly fall into an infatuation and soon end up spending an oniony night of passion together.

When they awake in the morning, they don't find it awkward and a steady relationship between the two is struck.

This lasts a good while, having its ups and downs like any college relationship, but eventually the day comes when they both graduate.

The two couldn't be happier!

They both get jobs close to one another and move into an apartment together.

One day, the partner-onion is anxiously awaiting the lawyer-onion at home.

She's been ill all day and checking has confirmed her suspicions.

She tearfully - and joyfully - breaks the news to the lawyer-onion; they're going to have a tiny baby-onion together.

A shallot, if you will.

A few days later, this prompts the lawyer-onion to propose to his heretofore girlfriend-onion.

They are soon wed, having a fantastic wedding-day and husband and wife-onions are on top of the world.

The day comes of the birth and no complications - a tiny, healthy baby onion is born to two proud parents.

Seeing this little bundle of oniony love in their arms causes them to fall deeper in love than ever.

Over the next few years, husband-and-wife-onions' lives are fantastic.

He's prospering at work, she's really enjoying taking some time to raise the baby-onion and over time the baby-onion grows into a hale and hearty toddler-onion, who then becomes a child-onion.

One day, the idyll of the onions' lives is shattered when tragedy strikes.

The lawyer-onion (now a partner-onion in a prestigious law firm due to chance and hard work) is at work, and mother-onion is washing dishes and watching her child play in the yard.

She glances away to take another plate and turns her vision back to

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 70
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad joke from my 29 year old non-father husband

I complained at my sister's college graduation about how hot it was at the front of the tent when I was trying to get a picture of her crossing the stage. He says, "well there are 619 degrees up there."

My father was so proud he regurgitated that joke for everyone else all day.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/justminick
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2015
🚨︎ report
The story of a boy named Bonnie

There was a boy in high school named Bonnie. As you can imagine, he was bullied and picked on because of his strange name. This lead to social anxiety and a few other issues, but there was one girl who helped him through all of his pain. He had a huge crush on this girl, and after weeks of psyching himself up, he asked her to the school dance coming up.

Much to his delight, he said yes, and off to the dance they went. They had a great time and shortly after, started dating. They spent a lot of time together, calling, texting and always hanging out. They were meant for each other. They continued dating after high school, into college. On their graduation day, he proposed to her on the stage. He was nervous about asking her in public like this, but as he got down on one knee, her face lit up, tears formed in her eyes. He asked her to marry him, she said yes and the crowd cheered.

Fast forward a few years, they've bought their own house, and she's now pregnant with their first child. In the delivery room, Bonnie is standing by her side, their newborn child in her arms.

"I love you so much, hon." Bonnie told his wife, holding one of her hands. "You can name our baby girl anything you wise." he told her.

"Love. I want to name her Love." she replied, looking into his eyes. Bonnie was surprised by the strange name, and at first hesitant to agree, but he told her she could name their daughter anything. He nods in agreement and they carry on with their lives.

Fourteen years later, as with what happened with Bonnie, Love was picked on in high school for her strange name. One day, Love came home crying.

"What's wrong, Love?" Bonnie asked her worriedly.

"I hate you! Why did you give me such a stupid name?!" she screamed at him. She was furious. She was tired of the teasing and the mockery in high school. In a fit of rage, she pulled out Bonnie's handgun she had found in his night stand. She pulled the trigger and a bullet passed into Bonnie's chest.

Love panicked and ran away, and Bonnie's wife came after hearing the gun shot. She ran to Bonnie's side, picking his head up in her hands. She asked him what had happened.

"Shot through the heart... And you're to blame..." He said, weakly. "You gave Love... A bad name."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2016
🚨︎ report
College Advice

I'm a senior in high school, on the homestretch to graduation, then college.

>I've got one piece of advice for you when you go off to college. Choose your friends wisely. You are judged by the people around you. . .and I wouldn't want you to give any of those idiots a bad name.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PlaidDragon
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2014
🚨︎ report
At the dentist this morning...

Dad: if they take out your wisdom teeth, how will you graduate college?

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ButcherJones
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2013
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.