I got one-upped by my 6 y.o. son

My son made himself a banana sandwich.

Son: "This is what monkeys eat."

I thought I'd mess with him a bit on this "fact", and throw some dad humour at him.

Me: "What?! Monkeys don't eat sandwiches! How do they even bake the bread?"

Son: "With a g'rilla."

I think this kid is going places. I was completely outdone.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ign1fy
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 08 2014
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My dad can string this joke out forever. I've seen it go for 20 minutes.

A man gets a new job at the zoo.

On his first day, he still doesn't really understand what exactly he's meant to do, just that it involves the Gorillas. He goes and checks in and the manager sits him down to explain.

"Now look," says the manager, "We've been having some troubles lately with our gorilla. He was acting up, getting really agitated with the environment, so we had to send him away. We told the people that enclosure's being repaired, but we're actually looking for a new gorilla - can you do it for us?"

The man is unsure, but he needs the money, so he agrees, puts on a gorilla suit and goes out there. At first he's a bit mopey, so he sits around a lot.

After a couple of days he begins to warp up and eats a couple of bananas and wanders around a little.

Over the course of the next few weeks he becomes progressively more outgoing, moving around, playing in the jungle gym, hollering around and beating his chest. He's a big hit and everything's going really well for him, until one day he's on his monkey bars and getting really into it, but he slips and flies through the air, over the pit, clears the fence and lands in a pile of bushes in the next enclosure.

He is just beginning to pick himself up, when out of the corner of his eye, he sees something in the foliage.

A pair of eyes lock with his.

It moves closer.

He knows this is it.

He begins to pray.

Suddenly the creature leaps and tackles him - the biggest, ugliest lion he's ever seen!

It leans in close.

He can see every gleaming tooth in it's mouth

He can smell the lion's breath

It opens it's mouth

And from inside the lion he hears a whisper.

"Make this good or we'll both lose our jobs."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Toggle2
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 10 2013
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Dawn of the Planet of the Apes OST
  1. "Level Plaguing Field"
  2. "Look Whoโ€™s Stalking"
  3. "The Great Ape Processional"
  4. "Past Their Primates"
  5. "Close Encounters of the Furred Kind"
  6. "Monkey to the City"
  7. "The Lost City of Chimpanzee"
  8. "Along Simian Lines"
  9. "Caesar No Evil, Hear No Evil"
  10. "Monkey See, Monkey Coup"
  11. "Gorilla Warfare" 7:37
  12. "The Apes of Wrath"
  13. "Gibbon Take"
  14. "Aped Crusaders"
  15. "How Bonobo Can You Go"
  16. "Enough Monkeying Around"
  17. "Primates for Life"
  18. "Planet of the End Credits"
  19. "Ainโ€™t That a Stinger"
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/walruspowers
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 17 2014
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