I can't provide a link in english because it is in croatian
Edit: link in Croatian: https://www.tportal.hr/sport/clanak/goran-ivanisevic-otkrio-kada-bi-se-mogao-vratiti-tenis-a-onda-iznio-i-opasku-svugdje-se-mozes-zaraziti-ali-tko-kise-u-balun-20200507
The 77th time I met Bono, I realised that meeting Bono heralded another failed attempt at finding a cure. It turns out that Bono arrives at my bedside when and only when death is a certainty.
Bono was my harbinger; my grim reaper. The strange sort of death-bringer that wears sunglasses inside and makes sure to never leave without a photo.
My 78th attempt, 1155 years after my first, would be to avoid ever meeting Bono.
Money was of little concern. By attempt number five - a particularly eye-opening 15 years, not least because I'd finally grown tired of the fruitless pursuit of my next door neighbour - I had memorised a set of lottery numbers and a strange sporting outcome (Goran Ivanišević winning Wimbledon, of course). That was all it took. A portion of the lottery winnings were placed on Goran (on attempt #7 I put the whole lot on Goran, which would've bankrupted the entire UK gambling industry if not for the fact that Goran and I were put in prison for match-fixing. Lesson learned.).
And so here we are. Attempt #78. The usual protocol, established around attempt #15, had already been observed.
Firstly, leave my despairing mother, whose anguish at being abandoned by her youngest seems to worsen on every desertion. It's not an easy departure, but after a few attempts spent languishing at home until my 16th, you quickly grow to appreciate how wasteful those formative years can be.
Secondly, win the lottery. It's harder than it sounds as a seven year-old, but I spent a good chunk of Attempt #4 in search of a proxy - an elderly woman named Crystal a few towns away, suffering from Dementia. If she has any family, none have contacted her in the thousand or so years that I've known her. Good old Crystal - I'd usually stay at her house, posing as her Grandson, of course, for a good three or four years. The neglect of the elderly has always proven to be my best hiding place.
She actually ends up outliving me, the old hag.
Thirdly - and this is important - establish a charity in the name of Chrondosis Awareness. Chrondosis, the disease that will eventually kill me, isn't known by anyone but me until 2013. It took me an embarrassing number of attempts to realise this, and then at least three more attempts after that to register that I could be the one to introduce it to the world. World, Chrondosis. Chrondosis, world. I'm sure you'll both get along swimmingly. Awareness means money, and money means a possible cure.
My strategy - or at least part of my strat
... keep reading on reddit ➡I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
The doctor says it terminal.
Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.
THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB
Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"
I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual
So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes
r/unclejokes for dirty jokes
r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC
r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes
Punchline !
Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub
Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat
Do your worst!
How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?
We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.
Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.
But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.
They were cooked in Greece.
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
He lost May
Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.
Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?
Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"
Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
And now I’m cannelloni
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
But that’s comparing apples to oranges
And boy are my arms legs.
Put it on my bill
Heard they've been doing some shady business.
but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale
Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments
They’re on standbi
A play on words.
Calcium, nickel, neon
