Goodnight

See you guys next month.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lod254
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
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How does a ghost say goodnight?

π΅π‘œπ‘œte Nacht.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FancyPancake_
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
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Goodnight
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rotten_tomato69
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2018
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Goodnight
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mangopojke
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2017
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Goodnight Honey
πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/threegifts
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
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My little girl just asked for a goodnight kiss on her nose....

I said I can't kiss that thing it smells!

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bellysbuster
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2019
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How does the geology student say goodnight to his grandma?

Grannite

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cummerou1
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2018
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Saying goodnight.

My partners daughter asked me last night if she could say good night to mommy too. I told mommy two is sleeping. Mommy one would have to do.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jarbro
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2015
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Girlfriend Texted Me Goodnight...

Her: "I'm going to bed I'm pooped goodnight (Kissy-face emoji) (Heart emoji) Me:"Hi pooped, I'm Dad" Could hear her groan from over a mile away

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zarkan80
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2015
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Every night, I read my kids a book about the end of days...

Goodnight Moon is the darkest book I know.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Solest044
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
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I always say "hi tired, I'm dad", but I got one upped tonight.

I said my goodnights but in return I got "Are you a broom?" "I'm sorry, what?" "You look sweepy"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/happyherbivore
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
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I finally figured out what I'm going to name my dad band...

Saw (goodnight everybody!)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MasterOfBunnies
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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What are they teaching kids these days?

My 2 year old little girl was sitting at the kitchen table eating her dinner. It was me and my wife and her, just chilling. So, she drops her napkin on the floor and I pick it up and hand it to her, to which she says thank you daddy. So, I ask her if she can say thank you in spanish.

"Thank you daddy, in spanish"

I almost choked on my meal I laughed so hard, and my wife groaned. I have never been prouder.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lidsville76
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2016
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Looking for a Pizza Chef
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rytpeps
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
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I'm on my way

My wife is 37 weeks pregnant and is scheduled to be induced this morning. She woke up last night just after midnight (I checked) to use the washroom and when she got back into bed I asked her if it was after 12 yet. She said she thought so and asked why. I told her I wanted to be the first to wish her a Happy Birth Day! She appropriately groaned then giggled, so I think I'm ready. Wish me luck!

Edit: We got him a couple hours ago! Everything went well, no complications. Thanks reddit strangers for the comments and well wishes. I know the rules say nothing identifying, 'oh when' ever they change that I'll post his name. Goodnight everyone, I have to try and nap before his feeding

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AspiringBuddhist
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
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I'm going to buy a female horse to read me bedtime stories.

I'll call her my Goodnight mare.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainnT
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2018
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[x-post /r/Jokes] [OC] An old blacksmith was working in his shop...

when there was a terrible accident. The fire in his forge had gone out of control and set fire to the shop. The blacksmith nearly lost his life. He was bedridden for many months and relied on the help of his children and grandchildren to feed him, bathe him, and take care of all of his needs. Eventually he was able to get back on his feet, though his outlook on life had turned quite grim. He was now able to take care of himself, but he had lost much of his strength and dexterity from the injuries he sustained and he was unable to practice his trade. He fell into a deep depression and he spent most of his days sitting at home in front of the fireplace gazing into the flames, longing for the days when his strong hands could grasp a hammer and strike a hot piece of iron, slowly forging it into a beautiful piece of work.

One evening when the old man was sitting in front of the fire, he heard a knock at the door. It was his granddaughter, whom he hadn't seen in many months. She had overheard her father talking to her mother about how her grandfather was slowly slipping away into depression and hopelessness and she wanted to help. To the old man's surprise, she had brought him a puppy. "I thought that since you're always here all by yourself that you might want someone you keep you company," the granddaughter said. The old man's eyes welled up with tears and the little puppy instantly jumped into his arms and began licking the tears from his face. The old man and his granddaughter spent the next several hours sitting on the floor of his house watching the puppy chase around a rubber ball, bouncing, jumping, panting, and licking. In that short time, the old man had made complete turnaround from being sad, lonely, and hopeless, to smiling from ear to ear, full of joy with his new-found companion. As the hours grew late and the puppy grew tired, the granddaughter said "Well Opa, I'm glad you like your puppy, but it's late and I should be heading home. By the way, what are you going to call him?" "Life," said the old man, "because he has given me a new meaning and joy to mine." The granddaughter kissed her grandfather on the cheek, wished him goodnight, and she left.

Many years passed and all the while, the old man and his little dog were inseparable. Everywhere the old man went, Life was always with him whether it was the post office, the grocery store, and even when the old man went to the barber shop, the little dog would sit patiently until the last hair on

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyOtherAccount_3
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2016
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Sleep-Deprivation Fueled Pun War

My friend (L) and I (B) ended up in a pun war. She had to wake up super early to catch a flight, and this was at about one in the morning:

L: I should definitely set my alarm to 'cow' o.O

B: Haha, do it. Nothing like waking up to cows in the 'moo'rning.

L: Oh my gosh. Absolutely not.

B: Hey, but it would be so 'udder'ly hilarious!

L: I just got stabbed to death by a pun.

B: I'm just trying to 'milk' it for all it's worth...

L: If I did that, I'm not sure I'd wake up in a happy 'moo'od.

B: Just drink some 'calf'inated coffee, and you'll be fine.

L: I'd be laughing 'stock' of the town... Cows don't have a sense of humor.

B: Bull!

L: I'll just use my cowculator do determine how much sleep I'm actually going to get tonight...

B: You could wake up a little later, but you'd have to 'hoof' it to the airport.

L: Hope the weather is good, so my plane isn't 'ground'ed 'beef'.

B: That's stretching it... You should make more of an 'heifer't to come up with good puns.

L: I know when I'm getting creamed.

B: It's hard to 'steer' you in the right direction, because you keep changing topics.

L: That's udderly ridiculous. I'm just trying to mooove on.

B: And I just keep churning 'em out...

L: No, you're just spinning your 'veal's.

B: That's one of the best ones I've herd all night!

L: I thought I might've butchered it...

B: PETA might have a beef with you because of it, though...

L: Well done, well done...

B: I don't think they care leather or not you personally slaughtered it, too.

L: See now, I wish you'd stop 'grilling' me about the bad puns... You should 'patty' yourself on the back. I 'dairy' you to come up with more.

B: Well, you can certainly steak a claim for being able to hold your own...

L: I'm a natural 'barn' comedian. However, I really should quit 'yak'king and go to bed. :p

B: Okay, that's not cows... You lose. You 'cud' have done a lot better.

L: The grass is greener on the other side, okay? Also, cows live in barns, and yaks are related to cows.

B: It was still quite a stretch... Don't have a cow about it.

L: Ha anymoo. Goodnight! Also, don't die of mad cow disease.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/guerrilla154
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2015
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Son got creepy, I turned it around.

Scene; Nighttime a few days back - just before bedtime - allowing my 2yr old son outside to say goodnight to the moon. Because of the time of year it was big, yellow and close to the horizon.

Son: Daddy, the moon is hungry. Me: Nah, it's Full.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SketchGoatee
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2016
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Parents attended pirate night at the church - find the pun.

The local congregation held a pirate-themed fundraising dinner, my parents attended, this picture ensued. I missed the pun out of the gates - how long will it take /r/dadjokes?

(spacing for mobile users)

http://imgur.com/1UsHwvH

May the best dadjoker win! Groan-inducing hint to arrive in 1hr.

Edit: looks like I have a lot to learn... Goodnight reddit.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/emcniece
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2015
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My GF got intestine infection..

GF: "You forgot I am ill."

Me: "Oh I thought your stomach pain is gone, or else you would have mentioned it."

GF: "Yeah so I thought, but I went to see the doctor anyway."

Me: "What did the he say?"

GF: "He said I have intestine infection."

Me: "Ohhh so your gut feeling is all messed up now, isn't it?"..

After a moment of silence, she burst out laughing. And said goodnight with a kiss.

I am going to marry this one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/grrrwoofwoof
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2014
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I texted this to my girlfriend yesterday after she fell asleep on me

GF: I don't remember telling you goodnight. I think I passed out completely.

Me: Well, at least you passed.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2016
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Dad joked by my toddler today

We were going for a walk and passed a school under construction. Since we've talked about it most times we walk by I wanted to see if he remembered what it was. We also have a book Goodnight, Goodnight Construction Site.

Me: "Hey ______, what's the construction site going to be when it's not a construction site any more?" Him: "Done."

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2016
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I'm surprised I'm not single yet

A little backstory: my girlfriend has had a small lizard living in her house recently. She's likened him to the mascot of a specific insurance company. Today, she found him looking rather ill and decided to release him outside.

Cue to me leaving her house tonight. As I walked out the door:

Me - "goodnight!"

Her - "Wait!"

Me - "Geez. You scared me. I thought I was stepping on something."

Her - "No, I just forgot to give you something. Oh no! The poor lizard! That would've been terrible!"

Me - " I know!! ... ... He would've never been able to achieve his Olympic dreams as a Gecko roman wrestler."

Her - "Go. Now."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/triculous
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2015
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It's to late at night for this shit.

Mom says goodnight and dad occupies the bathroom before she can get up the stairs. "Don't be long!" She says.

"Who are you to tell me I don't belong?!" He says through the door.

We now call that a moment of "urinspiration."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/piclemaniscool
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2013
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