Goodbye, My Friend Puns

Almost 18 months. That's how long it took to get an erection by gentle touch alone. Lots of hell, even more recovery. This will be my last post, but I'll be around....that switch in my brain got flipped again last week. I became a guy I barely remember from a long time ago. Confident, happy, genuinely excited for just about everything. Mow the lawn? I'm fuckin on it. Groceries? you got it, babe. Since beginning this journey, I have regained empathy, emotions, my mind is my own again. No porn fixations. My Marriage is happy again, and planning for the future. My daughter gave me a huge smooch on the cheek when I dropped her off at school today. My hobbies are interesting again. I build motorcycles for fun, loving that again. My dick works again, and that keeps improving. I got promoted, I got picked to go to instructor school for weapons, and have a 94 average. I graduate in 2 days. I enjoyed creating the powerpoints and lesson plans for, lol. I sat down and my mind was clear, and I enjoyed studying. I am very close to healed. Still in and out of flatlines, but only for a few hours. That changed too. Now every day I have an hour or so where I'm a little tired or slightly irritated, but otherwise I am great. The flatlines will end for good soon. My sex drive is awakening. I feel it getting better every day. I am almost healed. I love you guys. Just put faith in the process, dont fap or watch porn, and you will heal. You too can have your life back. This is my last post. I am no longer NOFAPSuccess2018. My name is Jason. And that was the hardest 18 months of my life. I wish you all well.

I have came to the conclusion that me playing factorio and me having a life can't coexist. I have found my heroine. Therefore my first rocket will be my last.

There are these few moments in a life where you know the decision you make will impact you forever. This time I have been lucky enough to realize that it is such a moment before it has gone by. For every belt, there is a path, and in every new science, there is a project. This game has thought me to not be scared when jumping into bigger projects, and in every try, failed or finished, you can draw wisdom for your next step towards your goal.

You must all know that this is not your fault. You were the ones that kept me going, but for once, I got to be selfish and do what's best for me. Thanks for everything.

Today I saw you for the first time in three weeks since our fight. The peace I felt in my heart when I set my eyes on you was so warming. We spoke and I hope I was able to tell you everything I felt. I hope you understood what happened was ok, but doesn’t take me out of this pain. I don’t know why God puts people in our lives and then takes them away. The pain I am in has shaken me and I feel so lost. I keep losing my best friends and I find myself alone in this world again. I opened my heart and my soul to you but you were not ready for me. I do not hate you, I actually love you. I am sad and broken-hearted it didn’t work between us. Deep inside, I want to see you happy, I want to see you succeed in life, and conquer all your fears. I just wanted to do those things with you, together.

If you ever read this, I just want to let you know, I love that you let me go. So that one day, I hopefully can meet my best friend and marry her. I will carry all the good times and memories with you in my heart till the day I die, because I know I was loved.

How lucky am I? That it’s this hard to say goodbye.

Love, E