John's not very good leaving a parallel parking space. His car is always hitting something

As it turns out

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OldTimeyMedicine
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2023
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Yesterday one of my good friends told me I often make people uncomfortable by violating their personal space.

It was a really hurtful thing to say and completely ruined our bath.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hawkfire85
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2022
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What’s a good, short space movie?

Five Feet Apart

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Casul_Tryhard
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
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My neighbour and I became good friends, so we decided to rent a space together to park our cars.

We have....a lot in common.

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
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The International Space Station isn't a good place for comedy (stolen from Colbert)

The jokes would go over everyone's head

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NateY3K
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2016
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What do you call an evil guy from outer space who is good at math?

a CalcuVader

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Talon184
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2018
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The god of puns
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Santasbodyguar
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2022
🚨︎ report
What is the LOUDEST pet you can get?

A trumpet :)

πŸ‘︎ 184
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πŸ‘€︎ u/InfiniteVoids
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2023
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What was the first pee in outer space called?

Urine Gagarin

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bernies-mitten
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2022
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HomeNetworking / DadJoke crossover

This is a HomeNetworking / DadJoke crossover. If you don't get it, no worries, just move on.

Yesterday, I thought it would be a good idea to change all of the subnets in my home to something other than 192.168.x.x, so I moved them all to the 10.x.x.x space. Wife, who is upstairs working, was kicked of the network, and I had to go up to her office and renew her address. She was none too pleased.

Later that night as we're getting ready for bed, I hear from the other room, "I can't find the bathroom!"

"Why not?" I yell back.

Wife cries out, "Because you changed my IP address!!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImportantBend8399
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2023
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What's the opposite of a wet thunder lizard?

A drynosaur!

Nobody in my house thought this was funny the first time. Or the twenty third time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/benthemad1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2023
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Where does a math teacher like to vacation?

Times Square!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fancy_Association
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2022
🚨︎ report
A list of over 350 Dad Jokes!

Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.

3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.

5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.

A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.

A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. β€œI’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,” it says. β€œSorry, but I can’t serve you,” the bartender replies. β€œYou’re out of your head.”

A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'

A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.

A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. β€œWe don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender says. β€œWhy not?” one yogurt asks. β€œWe’re cultured.”

A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.

A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.

A guy walks into a bar, and there’s a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, β€œWhat are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?” The guy says, β€œIt’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”

A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, β€œWhat’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, β€œArrr! I’ve got a Bounty on me head!”

A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, β€œI don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

Armed robbersβ€”some say they’re a drain on society, but you’ve got to give it to them.

Barbers…you have to take your hat off to them.

Can February March? No, but April May!

Cooking out this weekend? Don’t forget the pickle. It’s kind of a big dill.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.

Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.

Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!

Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.

Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. There’s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewis… Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?

Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!

Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bugasum
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2022
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Which bone…

is most often dishonest? The fibula. is the funniest? The Humerus. Makes you eat your vegetables? The Parietal bones. Are hold overs from dinosaurs? Metatarsal bones

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πŸ‘€︎ u/killerdefense
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2022
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While watching β€œHome Alone” we were at the tar-on-the-basement-steps scene, and my daughter asks β€œwhere would you even get tar?” And my wife said…

Target.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/upandattem
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2021
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How do you organise a space party?

Planet

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πŸ‘€︎ u/skeledrummer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2021
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4.5yo and I were walking around with our brand new triple stroller today.

He puts some optional inserts for carseats into the carrier basket under the stroller. Tells me they're space umbrellas.

I ask him, "whatever would we need a space umbrella for?"

Without missing a beat, he says "meteor showers."

I'm not exaggerating at all, but this was too good not to share.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cazreal
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2022
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Iamonthemoonandthereisnoplacetogetabeer.

Youmightsaythereisnospacebar.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GenIISD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
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How does a computer get drunk?

It takes screen shots.

πŸ‘︎ 469
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chihiro_yoru
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
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UFO caught on tape
πŸ‘︎ 315
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yugvijay
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Successfully managed to get a collective groan from everyone in the break room.

After a particularly hot and busy shift one night I walked into the break room where several other staff members were hanging out either on their break or done for the evening. One of them, noticing how sweaty I'd gotten in the heat, asked if I was okay. With a glint in my eye and a devious grin I turned to them and replied:

"just call me mayonnaise..." *confused looks on everyone's faces* "...because I'm egg-sauce-ted"

Having been the only dad in a room full of young folk I'd seen an opportunity I couldn't resist and taken it. I was greeted by a chorus of pained groans as everyone tried to un-hear my god-awful play on words only to discover that it was indelibly etched in their minds, permanently taking up a small piece of otherwise-useful brain space.

Needless to say, it was immensely satisfying. They may not have laughed but I laughed harder than I have in a good while.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PahdyGnome
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2021
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Are you familiar with Orion’s Belt?

... huge waste of space.

Sorry, that joke wasn’t very good... three stars.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
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After my girlfriend posted a picture of us at a Meteor Crater..

(Me) "You spelled meteor wrong."

(Her) "Did I really?"

(Me) "Just joking, you spelled meteorite. "

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IBrokeMyCloset
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2014
🚨︎ report
Looking for space puns!

My fiance and I are getting married at Kennedy Space Center. We're looking for a good space + love/wedding pun for our website. Written in the Stars is too cheesy. We're leaning toward "One Giant Leap". Any other suggestions?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MeggyGrex
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
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Puns to make you all laugh!

Hey everyone! First day on Reddit and would love to make a good start. Here are a few puns to cheer up your day :

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

My friend's bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast

When Peter Pan punches, they Neverland.

What's the worst thing about throwing a party in space? You have to Planet.

To write with a broken pencil ,is pointless.

A frog robbed a bank. It was the first time it Kermited a crime.

I used to have a fear of hurdles ,but I got over it.

There you go everyone! Hope you all enjoyed it and if at all cheered your day up! Feel free to leave some feedback :)

Cheers

  • KingAaronCOC
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingAaronCOC
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2014
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To reduce waste, our city has told food truck drivers they must donate all unsold items each night.

I applaud the effort, but given how little space the trucks have in the first place, it seems like there's really not much room for waste to begin with. So, I've gotta ask...

How much food would a good truck chuck if a food truck could chuck food?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zekesnack
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
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The Blitz of Puns

It really grinds my gears when people say stick-shift is obsolete.

Most people like their music bass-boosted, but it seems like too much treble.

When an astronaut drinks tea, he takes a big space-sip.

The best electricity puns are live wires. Coppers really don’t know how to resist these in a coil. If you make enough of this type of pun you can really blow their fuses. You need to be smart about how you conduct these so you don’t overload your capacitors.

The only kind of rap I like is the wrapping paper on gifts.

Scissors always cut to the point.

Airplane puns always fly overhead. You have to be careful so you don’t stall out. Always use better judgement so you nose how to dive. When used correctly, this pun classification can really propel to infinity and beyond. However, if misused, the fall from grace is full of turbulence.

When working with electricity puns always make sure to be grounded to prevent shocking results.

Mr. Tea says, ”Don’t be a fool, stay in school!”

i c e i c e w a t e r

Architecture is an aspiring career path.

β€˜Pun’ puns don’t add up. The are starting to get negative receptions.

I’ll do algebra. I’ll even do calculus. But graphing is where I draw the line.

Plants should always rooted in the ground.

Never argue with people when they are right or nobody will be left hanging out with you.

Rocks make boulder moves. This means they are pelite and not jagged. Don’t take these puns for granite.

Cheese puns are grate because you don’t have to ask for parmesan to use them.

Eskimos have cold personality. It is an ice society, but some of their history chills my spine.

My dog died a few years ago. It was really ruff.

I am not a fan of wind turbines.

Life is like driftwood. You never know where you will float.

Christmas lights stick together. When one goes out, they all do.

Puns about communism are only funny if everyone gets them.

Rocket scientists cannot fuel around or something bad can happen.

A baker is someone who kneads to make baked goods.

I sometimes wear stripes to avoid being spotted.

Sponges are great at absorbing liquids.

Contrary to the name, relationships have nothing to do with boats.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zmanofdoom95
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad texts me jokes about once a week. Here are about 30 of my favorites.
  • What's the difference between mononucleosis and herpes? You get mono from snatching kisses.

  • If you were to lose your left arm, you'd be all right.

  • Why can't you hear a pteradactyl going to the bathroom? Because the P is silent.

  • Communists only write in lower-case letters because they hate capitalism.

  • I got a new job at the police sketching pictures of suspects. I'm a con artist.

  • Cat Woman's real name is Catherine Woman.

  • I have a new cat joke. ...Just kitt'en.

  • How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for Fresh Prints. *

  • Did you hear about the two men who stole a calendar? They got six months each.

  • I just saw an Apple store get robbed. Does that make me an iWitness?

  • Dwarfs and midgets have very little in common.

  • I'm moving to Seoul. I was told it would be a good Korea move.

  • Did you hear about the professor who was killed in a car accident? He was grading papers on a curve.

  • Why isn't an iPhone charger called Apple Juice?

  • Ever try to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.

  • When Peter Pan throws punches, they Never Land.

  • I was struggling to understand how lightning works, but then it struck me.

  • Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time, too.

  • Apparently Neil Armstrong used to tell unfunny jokes about the moon, and then follow up with, "Ah, I guess you had to be there."

  • I'm going to make a TV series about a plane hijacking. We just shot the pilot.

  • Would you call a drunk working at an upholstery a recovering alcoholic?

  • Yesterday I got covered in ketchup from my head tomatoes.

  • Even though I've gone bald, I still keep the same comb I've had for 20 years. I just can't part with it.

  • Picture of my sister after getting her nose pierced "She nose something!"

  • I went to the dentist and showed him my cavity. He told me to pull up my pants and get the hell out.

  • Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It was okay - he woke up.

  • So what if I can't spell armageddon. It's not the end of the world.

  • When you get an infection, urine trouble.

  • "Hey waiter! This coffee tastes like mud!" "Yes, sir; it's fresh ground."

  • How did the butcher introduce his wife? "Meat Patty."

  • Elton John is a great piano player, but he sucks on the organ.

  • Elton John wrote a tribute to Amy Winehouse: Candle Under the Spoon *

  • What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan? Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke. *

*My absolut

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 265
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhenIm6TFour
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2014
🚨︎ report
Science Puns

One of the funniest school puns; science puns

Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK. If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they’d be alloys.


The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist sees the glass completely full, half with liquid and half with air.


If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.


A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, β€œNo, I’m traveling light.”


Did you just mutate for a stop codon? Because you’re talking nonsense!


How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam? An itsy bitsy book.


What did Gregor Mendel say when he founded genetics? Woopea!


Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.


I wish I was adenine, then, I could get paired with U.


Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na


Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says β€œI think I’ll have an H2O.” The second one says β€œI think I’ll have an H2O too” β€” and he died.


A couple of biologists had twins. They named one Jessica and the other Control.


Did you hear the one about the recycling triplets? Their names are Polly, Ethel, and Ian.


Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!


What element is a girl’s future best friend? Carbon.


I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.


Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.


What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.


What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? I like your β€œstyle.”


I’m reading a great book on anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.


I have a new theory on inertia but it doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum.


Why can’t atheists solve exponential equations? Because they don’t believe in higher powers.


Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar. And doesn’t.


Do you know the name Pavlov? It rings a bell.


What does a subatomic duck say? Quark!


A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer. Bartender replies β€œFor you, no charge”.


Two atoms are walking along. One of them says: β€œOh, no, I think I lost an electron.” β€œAre you sure?”

β€œYe

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2017
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If /puns were to host a fence building party according to the rules...

(This is more parody/satire than a pun, but I tried to make sure it had puns.)

  1. No more than half the people attending can wear trucker hats.

  2. The fences must be measured and spaced using meters. It doesn't matter if you're putting them in someone's yard.

  3. If you pull up a fence post, you cannot reuse it. In fact, you cannot use recycled posts from other people's yards.

  4. Don't keep up with the Jones'. But if you can't avoid this, make sure you give the Jones' the credit due for coming up with it first.

  5. You can bring lunch as sort of a potluck affair, but do not bring canned meat products from Hormel.

  6. If you bring a fence post, it must look like a fence post. If it might be confused with something else, make sure the box or protective wrapping calls it a fence post.

  7. When announcing the event, you are not allowed to make references to punch or people getting in line for punch. Just like Fight Club...

For now, we have no rule about promoting one stock car event over another as you work, or discussing other controversial matters. That won't change as long as you don't abuse this. Please keep your fence posts in good taste and suitable for all audiences. But if you do bring risque fence posts, make sure to cover them with a shroud labeled adult only, and I won't pull them up, provided the other rules are followed.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotted_Lady
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad just posted an epic dadjoke on Facebook

I'm thinking of opening a shopping center which specializes in only the stores you can never seem to find when you want them. For instance:

  • New Navy
  • Half Foods
  • Over Armor
  • Paper Clips
  • 49 Cent Store
  • Seniors R Us (really old stuff like antiques)
  • Tom & Harry's Sporting Goods
  • Pier 99 Exports
  • Yankee Light Bulb
  • O.M.G. Monday's
  • Due Pizza (It's Italian, not Spanish)
  • Rhode Island Closets (they are very small)
  • Open Space (think about it)
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlahBlahNyborg
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2015
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Is Michael Giacchino the greatest Star Trek Dad Joker in the world?

He must have it in his Genes.

But seriously check out his Star Trek track listings. The guy loves a good pun.

Star Trek

  1. Star Trek

  2. Nailin' The Kelvin

  3. Labor Of Love

  4. Hella Bar Talk

  5. Enterprising Young Men

  6. Nero Sighted

  7. Nice To Meld You

  8. Run And Shoot Offense

  9. Does It Still McFly?

  10. Nero Death Experience

  11. Nero Fiddles, Narada Burns

  12. Back From Black

  13. That New Car Smell

  14. To Boldly Go

  15. End Credits

Star Trek Into Darkness

  1. Logos / Pranking The Natives

  2. Spock Drops, Kirk Jumps

  3. Sub Prime Directive

  4. London Calling

  5. Meld-Merized

  6. The Kronos Wartet

  7. Brigadoom

  8. Ship To Ship

  9. Earthbound And Down

  10. Warp Core Values

  11. Buying The Space Farm

  12. The San Fran Hustle

  13. Kirk Enterprises

  14. Star Trek Main Theme

Star Trek Beyond

  1. Logo and Prosper

  2. Thank Your Lucky Star Date

  3. Night on the Yorktown

  4. The Dance of the Nebula

  5. A Swarm Reception

  6. Hitting the Saucer a Little Hard

  7. Jaylah Damage

  8. In Artifacts as in Life

  9. Franklin, My Dear

  10. A Lesson in Vulcan Mineralogy

  11. MotorCycles of Relief

  12. Mocking Jaylah

  13. Crash Decisions

  14. Krall-y Krall-y Oxen Free

  15. Shutdown Happens

  16. Cater-Krall in Zero G

  17. Par-tay for the Course

  18. Star Trek Main Theme

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thegeneral400
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2018
🚨︎ report
My roommate got me at dinner...

Her: What is ciabatta (pronounced chi-a-bahta)?

Me: Ciabatta is bread. You put fancy things in it.

Her: Is that a female baseball player, 'cause ciabatta (she a battah). . .

Me: . . . Dead

Edit: Phone does not make for good formatting when one forgets to double space.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blueboxreddress
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2014
🚨︎ report
Bf's dad on his birthday...

We are on a ski trip in Colorado for his birthday and Christmas. We have to wake up early so we can get a good parking space and beat the crowds. Today is his birthday and our alarm clock this morning was the theme song to Hawaii 5-O. He turned 50 today. Hahaha.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Demonrose273
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2013
🚨︎ report
Yesterday, one of my good friends told me that I often make people feel uncomfortable by violating their personal space.

It was an incredibly hurtful thing to say and it completely ruined our bath.

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nathan0492
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
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How do you get an astronauts baby to sleep??

You rocket.

πŸ‘︎ 163
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nottigerwoods10
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2022
🚨︎ report
What’s an astronauts favorite drink?

Gravi-tea.

πŸ‘︎ 509
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BionicBirb
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2021
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have you ever heard of space?

The puns you can make using that are out of this world!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ANSPRECHBARER
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2022
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Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans!
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lee_Hey_pat
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2018
🚨︎ report
You know Orion’s Belt?

Yeah it’s a big waist of space

Ik ik it’s not a good joke I only give it 3 stars

πŸ‘︎ 127
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Admiral_Hipster_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
124 dad jokes that will make you laugh and cringe

Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.

What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.

Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

β€œEvery time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, β€˜The good news is..it’ll feel better when it quits hurting.'”

What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

β€œI’ll call you later!”- β€œPlease don’t do that. I’ve always asked you to call me Dad!”

Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!

What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.

β€œMy dad literally told me this one last week: β€˜Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.’”

β€œWhenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, β€˜No, just leave it in the carton!’”

I got so angry the other day when I couldn’t find my stress ball.

If I had a dime for every book I’ve ever read, I’d say: β€œWow, that’s coincidental.”

I’m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.

β€œMe: β€˜Dad, make me a sandwich!’ Dad: β€˜Poof, You’re a sandwich!’”

β€œI heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there

A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

β€œHow can you tell if a ant is a boy or a girl? They’re all girls, otherwise they’d be uncles.”

Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth – its pasteurized before you even see it

β€œWhat’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1”

The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.

I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: β€œDon’t worry; this is a piece of cake.” I said: β€œNo, it’s a math problem.”

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/weeb123xD
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
🚨︎ report
===Four in one! Deal of a lifetime!===

My dad has trained me in the art of bad puns, and I have put that training to good use. I have four jokes in one post that are guaranteed to knock your socks off! (And maybe kill off a few brain cells)

Onto the jokes!

Lizards are never unprepared, they’ve been ready from the gecko!

How do aliens call each other? SpaceTime!

Student: Can I have a can of mutton? Teacher: I don’t know, can ewe?

What do musicians do when they get angry? Nothing, they keep their composer!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fro-Ro
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
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Went on a dad joke crusade

This was a conversation i had with a friend

friend: Dad jokes aren't good tho

Under any circumstances

me: Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

friend: Commit oxygen not reach lungs

me: What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine.

friend: Please

Stop...

I beg of you

me: it's funny cause there's no oxygen in space

friend: I know the point of the joke

me: i was talkin about "Commit oxygen not reach lungs"

friend: Oh my god...

me: one more for good measure

Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "do you know how to drive this thing?"my work here is done

friend: Dad jokes are gay

me: i tried to find a gay dad joke

i wasn't very happy with the results

friend: Ha

me: wasn't very happy

friend: Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME!?

me: this has been the best

friend: cri

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThePlagueDoctor06
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Dad just sprung this one on me

"Hey, I'm going to do some errands."

"Ok sounds good I'll be here"

"Do you know where I'm going to do those errands?"

"No, where?"

"At the Errand Space Museum" and then he did his patented Dad Fake Laugh and walked out the door.

God dammit

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheQuakerator
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2014
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