Good Sea Puns

The kids were nothing to look at either.

"Rex marks the spot!"

They wail.

Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.

3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.

5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.

A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.

A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. “I’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,” it says. “Sorry, but I can’t serve you,” the bartender replies. “You’re out of your head.”

A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'

A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.

A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. “We don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender says. “Why not?” one yogurt asks. “We’re cultured.”

A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.

A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.

A guy walks into a bar, and there’s a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, “What are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?” The guy says, “It’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”

A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, “What’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, “Arrr! I’ve got a Bounty on me head!”

A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

Armed robbers—some say they’re a drain on society, but you’ve got to give it to them.

Barbers…you have to take your hat off to them.

Can February March? No, but April May!

Cooking out this weekend? Don’t forget the pickle. It’s kind of a big dill.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.

Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.

Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!

Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.

Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. There’s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewis… Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?

Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!

Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape

An Austrian and an American recently found out they are having a girl. In honor of the Austrian Empress Sisi, they've decided to name their baby, Meer-Sea (Sea-sea), a wordplay on English & German.

The couple went over to their French neighbor to share the good news.

While there, the French neighbor gets a phone call and politely excuses himself. Several minutes later the French neighbor repeats 'Merci Beaucoup, Merci Beaucoup' and hangs up.

Overhearing this, the American suddenly gets up, picks up the phone and redials the number.

The French neighbor is confused by this. But before he could do anything, the American says,

"Our daughter’s name is not Meer-Sea Beaucoup, it’s Meer-Sea Bauer!"

They Aaarrrrrrrrrrtificially Inseminate.

"Because if they fell forwards they'd still be in the boat."

They are shellfish !

Aerial.

Sea Kelp.

It's rated arr.

Because D shells were too big

The High Cs

How to join the stage: raise your hand and I'll call on you when it's your turn

The event has ended, thank you to everyone who participated!

Now it’s syncing.

Me: Shaking my wife awake while saying "Happy Mother's Day!"

Wife: "Stop! You're making me sea-sick!"

Me: "You aren't even at the sea."

Wife: "I know. I'm sick of seeing you!" And proceeded to laugh like a maniac.

Good one Wifey!!!

One cold winter's morning he was walking along a country road, when he heard a cry for help from a nearby lake.

He turned to see a little girl struggling in the broken ice in the middle of the lake. She'd been skating and had fallen into the icy water. Without a moment's hesitation the tramp ran onto the ice and slipped and slided over to the little girl. He managed to pull her out without breaking the ice further and he carried her back to the road.

He took off his coat and wrapped the little girl in it and began looking for a car to flag down. A few moments later a huge chauffeur-driven limo pulled up, and who stepped out but the little girl's father - the mayor of the nearby town and a multi-millionaire.

"How can I ever thank you sir?" says the father after putting his daughterinto the warmth of the limo.

"Just name your price - I'm a wealthy man."

"Ahem, well ..." stammered the tramp "...eh I'm a little short of cash, perhaps you could help me out"

"Certainly" says the girl's father and he pulls out his wallet.

"Oh dear" says the father, "I don't carry much cash with me, I only have ten dollars - but come home with me and I'll get more from the safe"

"No! No!" says the tramp, "Why ten dollars is more money than I've seen in my whole life - that will be plenty".

"Well, if you insist" says the father - "now what will you do with your money?"

"Oh that's easy" says the tramp "I've not had a rest in 20 years. I think I'll buy myself a holiday"

"Well good luck" says the father, and he gets into the car and signals his chauffeur to drive home.

"Ten Dollars" thinks the tramp, "I'm rich! I'm rich!", and off he goes to the town, to buy himself a holiday.

He finds a travel agent, walks in - much to the disgust of the staff - and goes up to the desk.

"I'll have one holiday please!"

"Ahem, which holiday would sir like" asked the girl at the desk, forcing a smile.

"Oh, any holiday I don't mind" replied the tramp.

"Well how much money does sir have to spend on sir's holiday?"

"Oh lots - anything up to ten dollars"

"TEN DOLLARS!! You'll never get a holiday for ten dollars" says the girl incredulously.

"Oh dear" said the tramp, "and I was so looking forward to a holiday - I'll probably never get another chance - isn't there anything you can do?"

"Well I don't think so sir, but hold on and I'll check"

The girl goes into the back of the shop, and searches in the deepest, dustiest filing drawers she can find. There - to her amazement -

She wore an algae bra.

1. fish 1 turns to a nearby restaurant and asks: shell we eat here?
   fish 3 says: is it even good tho?
   fish 1 then says: yeah its good, ive haddock with fish 2 before its a very good plaice.
   fish 2 says: yeah that plaice is good, when i first took a bite of the food, i let out a huge, oh my cod!
   fish 3 says: i trout that tho it seems kinda fishy, arowana eat at this restaurant. halibut that one? i had it with a large grouper before. ive even met the gill of my breams before!
   fish 1 says: oh sure! i dont mind.
   fish 3 says: there is a caviar tho, its very expensive and of-fish-al.
   fish 2 says: oh for heavens hake! you know we dont have the money for that.
   fish 3 says: nah im ballin, i could perch-ace the whole store!
   fish 2 says: in my breams you cod, you take me for a school?! you are bass-lighting me.
   fish 3 says: no, im not bass-lighting you. ive been surfing on this nft hype recently and have made river-bank! keep it as a sea-cret tho.
   fish 2 says: oh, thats surf-prising. how much money have you made?
   fish 3 says: mmm, about a gillion so far. its difficult to start tho, i had to shell all my craw-perty to a shellfish clam at the prawn-shop! but, i took my oppor-tuna-ty and made profit.
   fish 1 says: ughh are you done coral-ling? im starving here!
   fish 2 says: actually, do yall sea the curved metal thing up there? The food on it look delicious, let's crab it.
2. they all agreed unanimously, but little did they know, a wrasse-ful fisherman was up there,
   waiting for his next meal.
3. fin

Aye Matey.

Looking at it now, I see why.

One morning, his first mate woke him.

“Captain, the ship won’t move! The ocean is frozen solid!”

The pirate captain rose from his bed, yawned, and stretched. After a good scratch, he put on his boots and coat, and strode out of his quarters.

As he arrived at the bow of the ship, his men gathered around in nervous anticipation. He pulled out his pocket telescope and took a good, long look around the entire horizon. He collapsed his telescope, placed it back in his pocket, and clasped his hands behind his back. After some time, he tipped his head down toward his first mate and said:

“Ice sea.”

I think to myself ‘Oh I used to say this joke’. So in my best pirate voice I laugh and say, “R!”

Smirking, my 6 yo replies, “Aye, you’d think so, but it ‘tis the C!”

Proud moment right there folks!

Eventually we drifted apart.

Does it make a sound?

They’re good at keeping sea crits.

"Oh yes, quite a few." the librarian said.

"Sorry to hear that!" I said laughing. "They'll all be ruined by now!"

Need a fintastic fish pun for a Christmas card. Tunat hold back, be as cheeky as you can be.

Cell-fish

Nothing, it just waved.

Because then they’d be bagels.

You use a Sea-Saw

While many believe that a pirate’s favorite letter is ”R”, His first love be the “C”

Anything catchy

They’d get lost at C

I realized when I got home that I had picked 7 up.

Cuz if they fell forwards, they’d still be in the boat.

Nothing, they just waved.

I was like well damn.

So, they threw one cigarette off their boat and the boat became one cigarette lighter.

Nothing, it just waved.

It was great. She’s a keeper.

We got a long well.

I said seefood.

He replied by saying "Very good. Seafood is a good diet to follow. It's rich in protein which you need"

I said, "No doc, not sea food, See-Food whatever food I see, I eat."

He paused before saying "No wonder you have to visit me".