A man is sitting at the bar alone, he hears a voice say, "looking good fella, working out?".
He asks the bartender if he said anything, the bartender shakes his head "not me sir, it's the peanuts, they are complimentary".
A magician is practicing a spell at home and accidentally turned his fam into furniture. After failing to change them back he rushes them to ER. After hours, doctor comes out to say "I have good news and bad". Man says "Give me the bad". Doctor replies "Ive done all I can" Man asks for the good news
Doctor replies, "Well, at least they're comfortable."
When Shakespeare tries to pick between which Spider-Man movies to watch, the question isn’t whether the movie is good or bad.
Tobey or not tobey, that is the question.
Did you know the Green Goblin decided to become a good guy and team up with Spider-Man?
Yeah, he's now Willem Dafriend
After three years of studying hard at university, a young man gets his degree, and phones his father to share the good news.
"Dad, I've got my B.A.!"
"That's great," says his father, "only 24 letters to go. Now get the rest of them, and in the right order!"
A man walked into a hardware store, picked up a can of fly spray and asked the assistant, "Is this good for wasps?"
Why does Spider-Man make a good thief?
Because he has sticky fingers.
Did the Jewish man make a good beer?
"Have you ever done anything good?" St. Peter asked a guy when he showed up at the Pearly Gates. "To protect a young girl I punched the leader of a motorcycle gang, kicked his bike over, and told them all to back off!" said the man. St. Peter was impressed, "When did you do this?"
"Oh, just a couple of minutes ago."
Why was the blind man so good at robbing banks?
What's the difference between a dad joke made by an old man and a really good dad joke?
One is a granddad joke and the other is a grand dad joke
You know the key to telling a good joke about the mail man....
I know a man who is so good at taxidermy, the level of detail is incredible and he really brings the animal to life, especially deer...
That's why he makes the big bucks.
God promised Man that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world...
Then he made the Earth round!
What does the english man say when his tea is good.
Why is Spider-Man so good at making comebacks?
Because with great powers comes great response ability
Apparently, Agnetha Fältskog (singer of ABBA) didn’t have a very good relationship with her grandfather. He wasn’t a very nice man. But she would still make regular visits
not sure if this count in this subreddit but man it was a good one
A man asks a professor, "Do you think Einstein's theory was good?"
The professor replies. "Relatively."
My dad went to the store to buy milk, i said “sure, old man” and he said “im not good at comebacks”
10-4 my good man
Their wedding invitation for next October told me to "save the date", and rsvp yes or no.
I replied "10-4".
What do you call a man when he has good manners, bad hygiene, and an affinity for word play.
A man wanted to buy a good insecticide
"Is this good for wasps ?" a man asked the retailer.
"No, it kills them" the retailer replayed.
I finally got one of my own - feels good, man.
My two-year-old son was trying desperately to reach something on the countertop and becoming quite distressed.
It turns out that he just really, really wanted the potato peeler.
"Well, here you go, son," I said, as I handed it to him, "but I don't see what the big draw is - I mean, it's not even a'peelin'."
I'm dying over here, and he's just wandered off to try to peel the rug.
A man is at a job interview and the interviewer asks him “So why do you think you’d make a good waiter” and the man replied “Well, I think I could bring a lot to the table”
So after becoming a father, my dad and I were talking about how we couldn’t believe any man would walk away from his kids. My dad says dead beat isn’t a good enough name so he asks me what they should be called. I said:
To a dyslexic man, everything is either good or a...
My old man got me good when I was a kid.
So some birds were flying over us in that V-shape they tend to fly in, and my old man looked up, almost in awe, and said to me:
Dad: Wow, look at those birds, son. See how they fly in that V shape?
Me (in a genuine child-like awe): Yeah, that's cool, dad.
Dad: See how one side of the V is longer than the other?
Me: Yeah.
Dad: You know why that is?
Me: No, why?
Dad: Cause there are more birds on that side, dumbass.
I had breakfast at The Mesa Grill and got food poisoning. My lawyer said that I had a good case, but I'm a man.
I just didn't wanna sue Flay.
I did a good deed today. I saw a homeless man living in a tyre and I punctured it...
How is that a good deed you ask?
Well now he lives in a flat!
My daughter finally found a good man that works as a comedian
He’s a real stand up guy.
An old man got me good this morning at work
I work as a cashier and was ringing up an older gentleman's items for him.
Me: It's $8.30 sir.
Him: (looks up from his wallet and smiles) No it's only 8:01
I stared at him and giggled like a kid when I realized what happened. Made my day.
A man walked into a hardware store, picked up a can of fly spray and asked the assistant, "Is this good for wasps?"
A man walked into a hardware store, picked up a can of fly spray and asked the assistant, "Is this good for wasps?"
A man walked into a hardware store, picked up a can of fly spray and asked the assistant, "Is this good for wasps?" The worker explained…
Why is Spider-Man so good at comebacks?
Because with great power comes great response ability.
Why does Spider-Man always have such good comebacks?
Because, with great power comes great response ability
Why is Spider-Man so good at comebacks?
Because... with great power comes great response ability!
A man walked into a hardware store, picked up a can of fly spray and asked the assistant, “Is this good for wasps?”
He said, “No, it kills them.”
A man walked into a hardware store, picked up a can of fly spray and asked the assistant, "Is this good for wasps?"
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
