We all know about Murphy’s Law: Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.

But have you heard of Cole’s Law? It’s thinly sliced cabbage.

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mommyof4Kings
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2022
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Which trees have the most friends?

Poplar Trees.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kimberella12
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2022
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I know exactly how many trees I’ve cut down in my lifetime.

I kept a log.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thethethesethose
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2022
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A _Leaf Blower_
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Az_Aujla
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
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I can’t come up with any jokes about cutting down trees.

I’m stumped.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2022
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What tree can fit in your hand?

A palm tree

πŸ‘︎ 93
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πŸ‘€︎ u/happygamedev
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2022
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How do you scare a tree?

BAMBOO!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BrassBallsComedy
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2022
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My brother is dating a girl called Rosemary...

I don't know what he season her

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wallygonk
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2021
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Why can't you trust trees?

Cuz they're shady

πŸ‘︎ 710
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πŸ‘€︎ u/esposures
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2021
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Why can’t you trust large trees?

They’re usually the shadiest ones.

πŸ‘︎ 293
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πŸ‘€︎ u/koNekterr
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
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I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.

Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/assafstone
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
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Kroger is bringing their A game. Their Dr. Pepper knock off is called "The Fizzicist". Took me a minute to get it.
πŸ‘︎ 590
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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_might_be_weasel
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
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I proudly showed my son, "Check this out! Bought a new shrub trimmer today!" He shrugged and replied, "That's great, dad." I continued...

"It’s cutting hedge technology!"

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
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Do you know what Bruce Lee's vegetarian brother is called?

Brocco Lee

I'll see myself out.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
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A man was walking along a stream..

... when he noticed that every shoot growing put of the ground was a four leaf shamrock. There were millions of them, spread out along both banks.

Being superstitious, the man assumed the place must be somehow imbued with an extraordinary amount of luck.

He sought out the owner of the land, and promptly bought it, spending everything he had to do so.

His plan was to build a small house at the site and thereby ensure he would be surrounded by good fortune for the rest of his life.

Sadly, while lifting smooth river stones to create the foundation of his dream home, he slipped on some mud, hit his head on a stone, was knocked unconscious, tumbled into the water, and drowned.

This conclusively proved to the townsfolk, that the location was not lucky at all.

The moral of this story?

Don't judge a brook by it's clover.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
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Come on man..
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LosPollos23
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2018
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Good one from my dad: "I can cut wood by just looking at it"

Came up during a conversation about having a bonfire

Dad "Here's something you might not have known about me, I can cut wood by just looking at it"

Me, fully expecting a dad joke: "I don't believe you but would you care to elaborate"

Dad: "Its true! I saw it with my own eyes"

He giggled to himself for about 10 minutes after that one.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sb95500
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2016
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My girlfriend "Dad joked" me on a hike.

I asked my girlfriend what she thought trees would sound like if they talked while on a hike.

She said "I bet we couldn't understand them"

I said "why do you think that?"

She said "because they probably only bark"

She then laughed the next half mile down the trail barking occasionally and saying "shh, shh, do you hear that? Thats a tree talking in the distance"

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ARazzy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2014
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A dad got dad-joked by his own daughter

Took the kids to a bug museum this weekend and was walking behind this other dad and his kids for a good bit of the time. When we get to the leaf cutter ant exhibit, my three year old loudly says something to the effect, "Look at all those ants!". The dad turns around and says, smugly, "How do you know they aren't uncles?" My kids groan, his kids groan, all in a dad's work, right? Then his daughter, who was probably 8 or 9, pipes up, "Well, Dad, since they're all female, it's safe to say that are, in fact, aunts!"

Her timing was impeccable. She's going places.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2014
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Wood

I wood makes up some real good puns but i dont want to tarnish my reputation. Ive been told i wood get better if i polish up my grammar and branch out a little. Ill leaf you all be now.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Diet_Goomy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2014
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