I was walking past the river today and this guy asked me if his rod looked good. Then, he asked if I liked his net. When he continued on and asked if I was impressed by the amount of fish he had caught, I finally lost it and shouted...
"Hey buddy, quit fishing for compliments!"
A guy’s Mom comes to visit him at his job at the aquarium where she finds him feeding a baby dolphin. She says look at you, you were smart. You could have had a real job, really done some good for the world. Her son snapped back,...
Hey, my job serves a youthful porpoise!
What do you call a British guy when he has good manners, bad hygiene, and an affinity for word play?
PunGent
Tried posting in Dad jokes sub and I guess it was the wrong place for a triple pun.
A guy says he taught his dog Morse code. "Aye right Show me." Mate says. Guy turns to dog and asks "who's been a good boy then?" Dog uses paw on ground. Tap tap pause tap long pause tap pause tap pause tap long pause tap pause tap pause tap long pause tap tap tap pause tap. "what he say?" Mate asks
"Have you ever done anything good?" St. Peter asked a guy when he showed up at the Pearly Gates. "To protect a young girl I punched the leader of a motorcycle gang, kicked his bike over, and told them all to back off!" said the man. St. Peter was impressed, "When did you do this?"
"Oh, just a couple of minutes ago."
(Not a Dad Joke) I need a good list of the best dad jokes you guys have
It’s for a discord bot I’m going to put in a server full of people who could use some dad jokes
A guy wakes up from surgery. "How'd it go, Doc?" "Well, I've got good news and bad news. The bad news is that we amputated the wrong leg...
The good news is that your other leg is all better."
"How good is this John guy?"
A guy named lee came into my bar and asked for a good vodka.
I guy walks into a bar and says, "I'll have an H2O!" The guy next to him thinks that sounds good, so he says, "I'll have an H2O, too!"
I got a good one for you guys
It's good to see people that carrot about world peas.It might seem corny, but to achieve world peas we have to beet the bad guys.
Cain could have been a good guy,
If only he were Abel too.
Good clean pun here, guys.
Guy blew a red light and got into a pretty bad accident. A quick scan of the interior gives a pretty good idea of why he couldn't stop. (X-post from r/justrolledintotheshop)
This guy thinks I'm not a good friend cuz I won't lend him my copy of a Pixar film
I'm never gonna give you UP, but I'm never gonna let you down...
I know a guy who is good at wordplay and he also has a strong odour.
Guys give me some good KNEE puns. Yes, i am In-Knee-ciating, this because i really knee-d it
The guy manning the dessert station in my cafeteria got his coworker good with this one.
Worker 1: Hey, you better watch out, I can't be trusted.
Worker 2: Why's that?
Worker 1: Because I'm desserting everyone!
This guy is really good at installing kitchens...
Some say he’s counter-intuitive.
A guy goes to the doctor and says “I don’t feel too good it feels like I’ve got a lettuce up my butt.
The proctologist says alright let me have a look.
The proctologist comes back and says “I’ve got bad news, it’s worse than that, that’s only the tip of the iceberg”.
Can you guys give me really good back puns?
My one year anniversary since i had back surgery is coming up and i cant think of any really good back jokes, if you guys could get the back surgery jokes straightened out that would be great!
What do you call an evil guy from outer space who is good at math?
Need some help, I want to give my geography teacher a leaving present and she's always loved puns. Can you guys come up with any geography themed puns? There are no good ones elsewhere..
Preferably something physical related, not so much to do with place names or anything like that, but if they're funny enough and not to niche I don't see why not! Thanks I really appreciate it! ^you ^guys ^are ^the ^best
Cross post from jokes- What do you call a guy who's known for baked goods and also taking away illegally parked vehicles?
Guy used to be in the army. Real good looking guy too. Blond hair, tall, blue eyes. But now tends to sick animals, helping to diagnose and treat them so they can get better.
Sister tells my dad a story about how five guys were fighting over her number. Dads response "I like five guys, they've got good burgers"
They say good guys finish last...
So, what Usain Bolt do wrong?
Old guy, Terry, at my work just got us good
We work in a screen printing shop and we also have a vehicle wrap department.
Me: Are you going to do signs today or are you going to wrap?
Terry: No, I don't rap, I sing.
sigh
Who's gonna make a good future dad? (spoiler, that guy)
Got me good—What do you call the guy who got away with counterfeiting coins for over a decade?
I've got a good one for you guys if I do say so myself
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