I was never good at art at school.

I couldn't even draw a blank.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/manlikedeep
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2021
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I cannot think of a good art joke.

Oh well, back to the drawing board.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dimplestiltskin
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
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What do you call a gathering of T-Rex to share their art and trade good?

A T-Rexpo

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rine117
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2019
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Joking around with my cousin who's in school as an art major in college, got her good.

She me a picture of herself with black charcoal all over her hands and face from working on one of her projects.

Her: Art school life is rough.

Me: What class, coal mining?

Her: Yeah.

Me: So you're an art major coal minor?

Her: (rolls eyes and tries not laugh)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/deanelganger
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2014
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How many Reddit mods does it take to change a lightbulb?

[removed]

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πŸ‘€︎ u/heres-to-life
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2023
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If you are being chased by a pack of taxidermists,

Do not play dead.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BusyPooping
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2023
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What do you call a ginger kid who’s good at martial arts?

The Carroty Kid

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bjs1023113
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
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People ask me how I got so good at martial arts

I have a senseitional trainer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
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Fiance got me good while doing arts & crafts. One day he'll make a great dad.

We're getting married in less than 2 weeks and I was cutting out paper hearts for our flower girl to throw. The hearts are made out of music paper and newspaper (representing the careers we're in).

Once we had finished cutting, the fiance picks up a newspaper we had cut some hearts out of and examines it closely.

He turns to me and very seriously says, "You know, this story has a lot of holes in it."

Cue groan and begrudging chuckle. I think I picked a keeper.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bachrock37
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2014
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Where do kung-fu masters come from?

β€œO-hi-yo!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2022
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My fiance had a girls day with her sister at the art museum today, and sent me this.

Fiance: "I would take you to an art museum too. But then i couldn't hold your hand"

Me: "Why couldn't you hold my hand?"

Fiance: "Because i'm not allowed to touch the art"

She got me good.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TwigyBull
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2022
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The Rare and Endangered "Kimono Dragon"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OffbeatTiding
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2018
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Hmm well yes I suppose so
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bluy98888
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2018
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The Best Defense, Is A Good Offense

(Edit: added example of the problem at the bottom of the text)

BLUF: What are good retorts to the, "Hi [name], I'm Dad" classic?

I don't usually dabble in the dark arts of dad joke combat, but it's important to know how to defend yourself, especially on this sub.

My kids have begun to develop a calloused approach to my classic zingers and instead seek vengence, using my own spells against me now.

While I'm very proud of them for getting me with the same "Hi, I'm [name]" joke, there has to be a way to defeat it. Plus I need to remind them, that such power is not theirs to wield.

Dads of Reddit, what should I say back when they get me?

---EXAMPLE (True story)---

Me: No, we'll play that tomorrow. It's too late and I'm really tired right now.

Child: Hi really tired right now, I'm [name]

Me: Stunned yet proud silence <-- fix this

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Exce1siur
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2021
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Bouncer: "I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

Me: "Why?"

Bouncer: "I have no idea who you are and this is my trampoline."

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoatwobbler
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
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Dad–joked my son walking into the bathroom today.

We are at his martial arts competition and saw a sign on the bathroom before we walked in: Please Do Not Walk Bearfoot in the Bathroom

Without missing a beat, I looked at him and said, "I guess it's a good thing we have people feet." There was a substantial groan.

Pic of the sign in the comments. Edit: never mind, it won't let me post the picture.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElkanahLinnell
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2015
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A horse is sitting at home watching MTV

A horse is sitting at home, watching MTV...

He's watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says "that looks amazing, I want to do that!"

The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play guitar." Says the horse.

"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."

"There's just one problem," says the horse. "I'm a horse."

"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach horses. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."

Sure enough, the horse gets really good at the guitar and he can play that amazing solo. He wants to show his friends, so he picks up the phone and calls chicken.

"Hey Chicken, come over!" he says. Chicken comes over, watches horse play the guitar and thinks it's pretty cool. Chicken watches the music video and says "hey, that drum part is pretty cool, I want to learn to play that."

Chicken goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play the drums." Says the chicken.

"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."

"There's just one problem," says the chicken. "I'm a chicken."

"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach chickens. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."

Sure enough, the chicken gets really good and begins to jam with the horse. Eventually, they think that something's missing. They watch the video again and realize they need a bass guitarist. They call their friend Cow and show them what they've been up to. Cow thinks it's pretty cool, and wants to learn how to play the bass guitar.

Cow goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play bass guitar." Says the cow.

"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."

"There's just one problem," says the cow. "I'm a cow."

"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach cows. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."

Sure enough, the cow gets really good at the bass and the animals have a nice band going.

One day, while they're practicing, a man walks by and hears them. He goes up to the animals and says "hey, you guys are pretty good! I'm from a record label, I'd like to sign you!"

The band records an album, puts out some singles and becomes a massive success.

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GreatDekuTree3
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
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Looking for help with a punny channel name

Hi I'm an artist and i want to start a youtube channel with timelapses of my art! Since i mainly draw videogame characters i thought it would be a good idea to have a pun of something about art/drawing/illustration and video games. If anyone has a suggestion I'd love to hear! Thank you!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ClydeDunbar
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2015
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===Four in one! Deal of a lifetime!===

My dad has trained me in the art of bad puns, and I have put that training to good use. I have four jokes in one post that are guaranteed to knock your socks off! (And maybe kill off a few brain cells)

Onto the jokes!

Lizards are never unprepared, they’ve been ready from the gecko!

How do aliens call each other? SpaceTime!

Student: Can I have a can of mutton? Teacher: I don’t know, can ewe?

What do musicians do when they get angry? Nothing, they keep their composer!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fro-Ro
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
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Studying for my MCAT when I came across this passage in Verbal.

I have written this book to sweep away all misunderstandings about the crafty art of punnery and to convince you that the pun is well worth celebrating.... After all, the pun is mightier than the sword, and these days you are much more likely to run into a pun than into a sword. [A pun is a witticism involving the playful use of a word in different senses, or of words which differ in meaning but sound alike.]

Scoffing at puns seems to be a conditioned reflex, and through the centuries a steady barrage of libel and slander has been aimed at the practice of punning. Nearly three hundred years ago John Dennis sneered, β€œA pun is the lowest form of wit,” a charge that has been butted and rebutted by a mighty line of pundits and punheads.

Henry Erskine, for example, has protested that if a pun is the lowest form of wit, β€œIt is, therefore, the foundation of all wit.” Oscar Levant has added a tag line: β€œA pun is the lowest form of humorβ€”when you don’t think of it first.” John Crosbie and Bob Davies have responded to Dennis with hot, cross puns: β€œ...If someone complains that punning is the lowest form of humor you can tell them that poetry is verse.”

Samuel Johnson, the eighteenth century self-appointed custodian of the English language, once thundered, β€œTo trifle with the vocabulary which is the vehicle of social intercourse is to tamper with the currency of human intelligence. He who would violate the sanctities of his mother tongue would invade the recesses of the national till without remorse... ”

Joseph Addison pronounced that the seeds of punning are in the minds of all men, and tho’ they may be subdued by reason, reflection, and good sense, they will be very apt to shoot up in the greatest genius, that which is not broken and cultivated by the rules of art.

Far from being invertebrate, the inveterate punster is a brave entertainer. He or she loves to create a three-ring circus of words: words clowning, words teetering on tightropes, words swinging from tent tops, words thrusting their head into the mouths of lions. Punnery can be highly entertaining, but it is always a risky business. The humor can fall on its face, it can lose its balance and plunge into the sawdust, or it can be decapitated by the snapping shut of jaws. While circus performers often receive laughter or applause for their efforts, punsters often draw an obligatory groan for theirs. But the fact that most people groan at, rather than laugh at, puns doesn’t mean that the punnery isn’t fu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zil2mz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2014
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That fateful day has finally arrived. I'm a dad joker.

So, I'm a new-ish dad, and I now consider myself an apprentice in the art of dad jokes. How's this one?

I'm helping out my kid with his math. All looks good, except there's a weird loop at the top of one of his '1's.

Son: "Is that right?"

Me: "What's that thing there, with the loop?"

Son: "That's a 1. Is it right?"

Me: "Right? Even Better. I'd say you got a HOLE IN 1."

Son: ".... daaaad... ugh.."

At long last, I'm not at the receiving end of these ;)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vetokend
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2016
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My wife set me up perfectly.

She was writing an email back to her father who has a tendency to be vague.

Wife: "You know,communication is really a lost art. I'd say I'm a good judge of that."

Me: "I guess that makes you a rater of a lost art."

Groans

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ks64165n
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2014
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President Bush dad jokes his daughter (and the nation) during art gallery interview. [Video, @1:14]

Jenna Bush Hager interviews her dad (Bush 43) for an NBC special on the opening of his art exhibition at the Bush Presidential Library. About a minute in, he slips in a pretty good dad joke:

Jenna: Do these people know that you are painting them?

Bush: Sort of. There's no telling how these people are going to react. I think I told Tony [Blair] I was painting him and he sort of brushed it off.

Jenna: No 'art pun' intended.

Bush: That was definitely an art pun.

http://www.today.com/video/today/54864022#54864022

Edit: Grammar.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2014
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