He Ames to get a good education.
They were some real 3rd degree burns.
Son: Hey Dad! It’s great to see you again, I like your new beard.
Dad: Thanks son. When I first stopped shaving I didn’t like it, but then it grew on me.
But it was too sketchy for me. Something drew me away from it
...but after awhile, I saw no porpoise in it.
Bye bi brother
My dad and his brother didn't skip a beat when I was talking to them about it.
Dad: "What's her name?"
Uncle talking to me about it later: "So, when are you going to go study that broad?"
Friend: What kind of orange is that? Me: A navel orange? Friend: So how is that different from an army orange? Me: ...
It’s where the Icy U is
It already has like a million degrees!
They replied "of course you should"
I said "I degree"
Because... you must graduate High School with all Eh's.
Then I can have a “Hoosier Daddy” bumper sticker.
I told him he's got a major problem then.
To get its pedigree.
...would that mean that you'd get a dipole-ma?
Because he’s a friggin idiot who thinks he has enough degrees.
(Text repost of my submission to r/memes. Y’all ain’t my side chick, tho.)
It wasn't very bright
He struggles with finals.
To pick up his Master's degree.
p. s. read this joke long time ago in one of the sub reddit, thought this belonged here too
Because they wanted to be smarties.
Fizzyology
Context: my family is about to eat dinner, my brother is going to get a ride back to college right after we finish eating. Mom: "I feel like we need a toast or something." Dad: "well we've got some bread right here!"
They always go to the classiest places.
Tulane University
I know it's been done before, and many a dad before me and many a dad after me will get to experience this, but in these dark times this was a ray of light that pierced me right to the core with joy.
I came home, and my bright and bubbly ballerina 6 year old runs up and says can I have a hug!?
She asks very tentatively because she knows I have been out all day and the routine is for me to grab a shower (COVID) before I let them get all over me.
So I say, not yet I'm dirty.
She says awww... then she turns to walk away, but then spins back around and looks at me dead in the eye and says:
Hi! um...
wait a sec,
um, I know um,
um, wait.... dir...
[Face beams the biggest smile of accomplishment]
Hi Dirty! I'm [daughter]!
I know we have those proud moments when they turn, but man her delivery, the awkwardness, and the sheer pride she beamed out when she realized she just pulled the reverse dad joke on me...
It's not the getting reverse dad'd, it's the joy and pride she had... she could have just graduated college, and that's how big her beaming smile was right then...
It's a memory I am going to keep and it really lit up this dark time.
Being tired and weary, the lawyer-onion isn't sure whether to go, but decides he needs cheering up.
So he dresses smartly, puts on his favorite aftershave and heads over to his friend's.
He gets to the party to find it quite a packed affair and heads over to the bar - fighting through crowds of reveller-onions - to get a drink.
As he gets to the bar, he notices in one corner a slightly out-of-place female onion.
She looks a bit sad and being the compassionate onion that he is, he heads over to talk to her.
This is quickly affirmed as a good move, as they hit it off immediately; she was abandoned by her friends shortly after arriving and had been minding her own business ever since, but over a night of drinks and talking, they quickly fall into an infatuation and soon end up spending an oniony night of passion together.
When they awake in the morning, they don't find it awkward and a steady relationship between the two is struck.
This lasts a good while, having its ups and downs like any college relationship, but eventually the day comes when they both graduate.
The two couldn't be happier!
They both get jobs close to one another and move into an apartment together.
One day, the partner-onion is anxiously awaiting the lawyer-onion at home.
She's been ill all day and checking has confirmed her suspicions.
She tearfully - and joyfully - breaks the news to the lawyer-onion; they're going to have a tiny baby-onion together.
A shallot, if you will.
A few days later, this prompts the lawyer-onion to propose to his heretofore girlfriend-onion.
They are soon wed, having a fantastic wedding-day and husband and wife-onions are on top of the world.
The day comes of the birth and no complications - a tiny, healthy baby onion is born to two proud parents.
Seeing this little bundle of oniony love in their arms causes them to fall deeper in love than ever.
Over the next few years, husband-and-wife-onions' lives are fantastic.
He's prospering at work, she's really enjoying taking some time to raise the baby-onion and over time the baby-onion grows into a hale and hearty toddler-onion, who then becomes a child-onion.
One day, the idyll of the onions' lives is shattered when tragedy strikes.
The lawyer-onion (now a partner-onion in a prestigious law firm due to chance and hard work) is at work, and mother-onion is washing dishes and watching her child play in the yard.
She glances away to take another plate and turns her vision back to
... keep reading on reddit ➡Me: (assembling boxes) i'll watch out for that plant.
Boss: yes please do, i've had that fern since it was just a sprout.
Me: awww. they grow up so fast.
Boss: yes. it'll probably start going to college soon.
Me: think it'll go to an... ivy league?
Boss: ...
Me: ...
Boss: ...
Me: ...so yeah I'll just pack these boxes and watch out for the plant.
When I asked what happened to the old ones he said “ they decided it was time to go to wire college”
So my girlfriend and I are both in college and I'm at her dorm waiting for her to get ready for class. She takes off her glasses and starts looking through her drawer when she says "Aw why did I do this to myself? I ran out of contacts"
I go "Babe, if it's more friends that you need, we can go out tonight and meet new people"
After the usual eye roll she goes "No I wanna see"
To which I reply, "Why would you want a C? I'm shooting for at least a B or an A in all of my classes"
That was probably the heaviest sigh I've ever heard from her
It already has thousands of degrees.
It already has 27 million degrees...
He already has a million degrees
Because it has a million degrees.
Becauase it has 27 million degrees.
It already had 360 degrees.
