My wife beamed at me and said, “I had no idea our son would go that far!” Tearing up, I stammered, “I know!"
"The trebuchet is amazing! Go get our daughter!"
I told my daughter, “Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field.” Puzzled, she asked, “What’s that got to do with anything?” I chuckled, "Well, that means..."
What do you call it when you go to an amateur dentist?
Where does a dog go when it loses its tail?
Why did the picture go to jail
If you become seriously depressed, try drinking a gallon of water just before you go to bed.
That will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
If you want to weigh a whale you take it to a whale weigh station. So where do you go if you want to weigh a pie?
Somewheeere over the rainbow...
I wanted to go to the local aquarium to see the new dolphin show, but when I got there I couldn’t get in.
It was closed for training porpoises.
What pronouns did Michael Jackson go by?
Where did the music notes go to get some fried chicken?
I got let go from the dairy farm.
Apparently I don't work well with udders.
Why did the mushroom go to the party?
"Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?"
"In case they get a hole in one!"
I told my son to go find out what "nada" means in english
But he came back with nothing
Remember to go for more ohms
Not sure if this qualifies as dad joke, but anyways here I go: I had to strongly disagree with a friend who accused me of being a severe fence-sitter
Then again, I get where he’s coming from.
People ask my secret to a happy marriage. I tell them the trick is my wife and I go out to dinner twice a week.
I go Tuesdays and my wife takes Thursdays
Where do fish go on vacation?
Finland!
Courtesy of my 6 year old.
What concert costs only 45 cents to go to?
50 cent featuring Nickelback.
Why do short-tempered doctors always go out of business?
They don't have any patients.
I was going to go work at a herb garden...
...but I didn't have enough thyme
You know, some people are so scared when they see a bear they go into...
Never go fishing with a dj
They keep dropping the bass
Favorite dad joke of all time: "Knock Knock" "who's there" "awls go"
"Awls go? Owls go who?"
Why yes son, yes they do...
Did you hear Dave Grohl opened a to-go Greek restaurant?
It’s called There Goes My Gyro
A priest, A Baptist minister, and a rabbit go into a red cross to donate blood. The nurse asks "What is your blood type"?
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type O"
My wife asked me to go get some milk
My wife: can you go out and get a gallon of milk, if they have oranges get 5
Me: *comes home with 5 gallons of milk"
My wife:???
Me: they had oranges...
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
My doctor says that when you die, your pupils are the last thing to go.
Why did Mr and Mrs Barnacle go to couples' counselling?
Because thier marriage was the rocks.
Wanna go to an underwater concert?
I heard shrimp bizkit will be there.
What happens when you go to the bathroom in France?
why did the m&m wanna go to school?
because it wanted to be a smartie
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl when they go to the bathroom?
Where does a person who’s having trouble breathing go to shop?
Why did ⅕ go to the masseuse?
Because it was two-tenths
My first pun here. Go easy
No matter where I go, I like to bring my ukulele, then, whenever someone asks if I play an instrument, I say...
“I play a little guitar!"
What did the French cat say when it wanted to go outside?
Where do sheep go for a haircut?
Most of my group wanted to go mushroom hunting.
I call them the morel majority.
When I go grocery shopping, I always buy one pear
And then demand a second one, due to false advertising
Where does a cardiologist go on holiday?
I told my 7 year old daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field."
Puzzled she asked, "What's that got to do with anything?
I chuckled, "Well that means....its pasture bedtime. "
I always bring an extra pair of underwear when I go golfing
Just incase I get a hole in one.
Why did the mushroom go to the party
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