Gimme Gimme Gimme Puns

Dad: Will you give it back?

It's Britney bench

Ramen. Took me second, but I was much relieved when I figured it out.

Apparently "Really big and fast ones" was the wrong answer.

You can't handle the reaper cushions

I replied: “yes, we arson.”

He heard her trying to come up with a name for a broomstick sport and said "gimme a quid, bitch!"

Once you start coming here, you won't be able to stop.

“Gimme a shot o’ rum,” he snarls at the bartender. Bartender pours a shot, slides it down the bar. The pirate knocks it back, slams the shot glass on the bar top, and stared angrily at the bottom of the glass. The bartender says, “You okay, looks like you’ve, uh, got a steering wheel in your pants.”

“Arggh, I know, it’s drivin’ me nuts…”

As the other car hit me, the airbag went off and punched my glasses off. When the cops were asking me what happened, I told them

"Well I only remember getting hit. After that, everything else was a blur"

Is this a bad or far fetched joke? Pls gimme feedback in the comments lmao

It’s morphine time!

He picked out a Butterfinger from his bag, held it up, and said “Kit-Kats are good but these are butter.”

What a loo

Gimme all your loonie toonies.

Gimme the lute

Gimme your heads!!

The skeleton says, “Gimme a beer and a mop.”

Go to catch the ball and roll my ankle taking me to the ground. Daughter:"Are you okay dad? Mayday mayday mayday! Get backup!!!" Me: " 'get back up' ? I JUST fell down!!! Gimme a sec!!!"

She loved it

The second one said “thanks, you’re a lifesaver!” The first one responded “actually I’m a KitKat”

Excuse me can you gimme a hand?

https://preview.redd.it/wa3s3ozxftc61.png?width=4500&format=png&auto=webp&s=04f10d36e95914e4d39ec2312ce5176a062911b1

Who thinks they're punny?! 😜⠀⠀I sketched this Hellraiser holding a cactus and thought it'd make a cute Valentine's Day card. I'm in the process of colouring it and I want YOU to help me caption it.⠀

I've asked the question on IG (@ashrobertsondesign) but didn't get a lot of feedback so I'm reaching out here. Gimme your best prick, point, hell, etc. related puns n make it about love 🔥

I'll choose a favourite from the comments and turn it into a FREE Valentine's Day card printable.

Mom: Can you come out?

Kid: Yeah, gimme a minute.

Kid: Mom, I'm gay.

Mom: I know that silly, come out to the car.

Kid: Car, I'm gay.

1. My friend once told me she watched Regular Show all the time. I said, "I guess you could say you watch it regularly." We are not friends anymore. (True Story)

2. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!

3. I wanted to take pictures of the fog this morning… But I mist my chance. I guess I could dew it tomorrow!

4. Looks tasty. Gimme a pizza that.

5. Why do eggs hate jokes? The answers always crack them up!

6. What did the mayonnaise say when somebody opened the refrigerator? "Hey, close the door! I'm dressing!"

7. Somebody stole all my lamps…. And I couldn't be more de-lighted!

8. I once met a pig that did karate… We called him Pork Chop!

9. Coffee has a rough time in our house. It gets mugged every single morning!

10. My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve!

(Source For All Puns Except The First) https://bestlifeonline.com/bad-funny-puns/

Me: "I'll have the quesadillas please."

Dad: "A whole case of dillas?! How about you just have one dilla then see how you feel."

He said "Gimme asec".

Two old guys, Abe and Sol, are sitting on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball, like they do every day. Abe turns to Sol and says, "Do you think there's baseball in heaven?"

Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal: if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's baseball in heaven, and if you die first, you do the same."

They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Abe passes on.

One day soon afterward, Sol is sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he hears a voice whisper, "Sol... Sol..."

Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?"

"Yes it is, Sol," whispers Abe's ghost.

Sol, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in heaven?"

"Well," says Abe, "I've got good news and bad news."

"Gimme the good news first," says Sol.

Abe says, "Well... there is baseball in heaven."

Sol says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that!?"

Abe sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."

They're getting married in the spring!

I made a pun. Now gimme gold plz!

I told him to forget the photo and just gimme a pint.

Gimme two fried eggs.

Homer: gimme the money

Guy at the bank: Give you the what?

Homer: d’oh!!!

We are a singing group and we need a team name related to Valentine's Day. Gimme your best punny team name that involves love or singing or both!

Me a Kit Kat thief? oh gimme a break!

Inspiration/Credit: Doomreb

Dad: Dinner's almost ready

Me: Alrighty. Gimme a bit.

Dad walks out then comes back a couple minutes later. He places a drill bit on my desk.

Me: What's this for?

Dad: You told me to give you a bit.

A couple of weeks ago, we were at home with my husband, having a few drinks at the end of the week and just relaxing. I had a glass of Dr. Pepper in front of me that I mixed with some rum. He came up and asked me if I wanted to grab "something stronger," assuming it was straight Pepper in the glass. I declined, saying that it's already mixed.

Him: "Didn't realize it was already doctored."

Me: "Yup, a doctored Doctor. Gimme the news."

I'll just show myself out. You're welcome for the earworm.

In the song "Unchained" by Van Halen...

Dave: "Hey man, that suit is you. You'll get some leg tonight for sure. Tell us how you do!"
Ted: "Come on Dave, gimme a break."
Dave: "Hey, hey, hey, one break coming up!"

Video: http://youtu.be/xx86CxKYtg0?t=2m19s

Gimme a beer and a mop