I admit it’s a repost, but this pun is just a sin... Please let me know if you get it!!!
My girlfriend says if we don’t get married soon, she’s gonna kill me.
...it’s a matter of wife or death.
My buddy keeps asking me to blow cool air on him when he gets hot, and I don’t like it.
My wife told me, “ Don’t get upset if someone calls you fat.”
“You’re much bigger than that.”
My wife told me she’ll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.
I’m not too worried, I think she’s jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf
How can I get someone to hang out with me, laugh at each other’s jokes, and maybe share some fun platonic experiences together throughout our lives?
My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days
I said it must be my weekend immune system
If anyone gets a DM from me about canned meat, don't open it!
My wife won’t let me get a tattoo of a grizzly on each bicep.
She is infringing on my right to bear arms.
My 9 year old told me this....What do you get when you cross a pig and an oven ??
Me: Were you able to get ahold of that lady selling the John Deere? My husband:
I asked my son to go get me a phone book. He laughed, called me a dinosaur, and handed me his iPhone.
The spider is dead, the iPhone screen is cracked, and my son is furious!
Me: I'm going to get a haircut
Dad: You'd better get them all cut or else it'll look uneven
If you are offended by my dad jokes, don’t get mad and ask me to go to the artificial excavation filled with water.
A cop stopped me and demanded i get out of the car. "You're staggering" he said.
"Well thank you. You're not so bad yourself."
My wife tried to get me interested in this documentary about Alaska and its people.
When people get mad about me playing League of Legends I just
If anyone gets an email from me with the subject 'My meat', don't open it.
My 5 year old just got me with this one: What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman?
So My my freind ask me if I wanted to get some punch
So we got some punch and left. This joke kinda fell flat since their wasn't even a punchline to begin with.
If there is one genre of music that raises me up on some days and gets me down other days
Get in a pun battle with me, and I’ll have to put on my...
My dad (67) just sent this to me. It's literally a dad joke. Some of us might not get it though I'm sure.
What does the Pink Panther say when he knocked over an ant hill?
Dead ant... dead ant... dead ant dead ant dead ant... dead ant dead ant....
My 16 year old son told me I was a simp (probably because I'm looking to get into a new relationship), after I looked up the meaning I told him:
You must be a Simpson then.
I've had a chiropractor phobia extending from a childhood trauma. Wife finally convinced me to get my back checked out and treated. Wife afterwards: See, that wasn't too bad
My wife is so unreasonable. First she told me to get a baby monitor
Then she told me she doesn’t want lizards in the house. Make up your mind!
2018: « Yo, dude, get woke. » 2019: « C'me on, get woke, it's 2019 ! » 2020: «... Hi. Well you could get e-woke I guess. »
My 8yo daughter made me proud and came up with this: I don't get why pirates go around on boats...
They should be in the arrrrmy
My wife asked me when I thought I was going to get out of bed
Told her I would sleep on it
Me: "How do I get one of those singing groups?"
Director: "you mean a choir?"
Me: exasperated sigh yes, fine. How do aquire one of those singing groups?
I went to the beekeeper to get 12 bees. He counted and gave me 13. "Sir, you gave me an extra."
Took me many rounds to get this image
My son asked me “ Dad did you get a haircut?”
They never told me that getting older mad eeverything hurt when you get out of bed
I guess that’s why it’s called being a groan-up
I told my wife I thought all cats were out to get me
She said “Don’t be silly, you’re just purranoid”
A joke told to me by a friend's child. How do bees get to school?
My wife asked me to go get 6 cans of sprite from the grocery store.
I realised when I got home I picked 7up.
They told me a mask was enough to get into the supermarket ...
they lied, everybody else had their clothes on.
Don't get pun , help me
"Have you ever eaten wrong honey?"
"No?"
"Boooo"
I don't get it help me
A guy made a hurtful song about me and I couldn't get it out of my head.
I made up a joke so get ready to hate on me. Trump (I know it's topical).... Trump was nervous during the election and was asked "hey, do you want some spiced tea"?
Music posts to this reddit might get me band, but here's a comment i found anyways.
If anyone gets a message from me about canned meat, don't open it ...
If anyone gets a message from me about canned meat don’t open it!
If anybody gets a message from me about canned meat
My friend asked me to go to the store and get six cans of Sprite.
I realized when I got home that I had picked 7 up.
I went to the beekeeper to get a dozen bees. They gave me 13.
The extra one was a free bee.
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