I posted something on here the other day and didn’t get a single upvote
Heres a bacteria joke. If you dont get it just google it.
First, I posted this on r/jokes but it didn't get much love. Then I realized I posted it on the wrong joke sub. Y'all love the punny jokes, so here you go:
Why are lamb chops a thing? Why do we have a food named after a baby animal?
Would you ever eat something called puppy steak? Or kitten burger? Or chick fillet?
oh wait.........
Credit goes to Matt from Studio C
A rope walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says says, “Get out. We don’t serve rope in here.” So the rope goes out, cuts itself in two before tying the two sections together. It then pulls out a comb and combs its ends. The rope then walks back into the bar.
The bartender says, “Hey! Aren’t you the rope that I just threw out?”
The rope replied, “No. I’m a frayed knot.”
Music posts to this reddit might get me band, but here's a comment i found anyways.
Kid: It’s hot as hell in here. Dad, can get a protein shake?
Dad: There’s no whey in hell.
We olive get out of here!
Mike Tyson and I were talking about our friend Sarah who had just gotten into town. I asked, "so, how did she get from L.A. to here?" He replied...
OK here we go. Soap this gets to the front page...
The mods at historymemes deemed this unworthy. Could I get some love here?
Hey kids! Get in here! We're playing Quake with a bunch of cows, and then watching a Disney live action remake about a legendary female warrior!
A weasel walks into a bar, The bartender says “Wow, I’ve never seen a weasel in here before, What can I get you?”
At the end of the work day coworker sighs loudly and says: How did we get here?
Me: I don’t know about you, but I drove to work.
Not sure if this fits here, is funny or has the sciencing right, but here goes... What do you get if you combine Uranium-235 and potatoes?
No, get the sink outta here
My town recently elected a horse as Mayor, and I’m worried nothing will get done around here
How do you get to Mathew McConaughey's house from here?
You just go down to the corner of 5th and Broad, and then go "Al-right Al-right Al-right."
An Xbox One and a PS4 get attacked... Here comes the ambulance!!!
WiiU! WiiU! WiiU! WiiU! WiiU!
Not sure how many here will get it, but posting anyway.
There’s like 2 people here who get this, but I put my faith in programmers
While my wife and I were dating in high school we were at this church lock in. I said, “Can’t wait till we get outta here and I can plant one on ya” she said, “What kinda flower”
No hesitation I say, “Tulips”
Did you here about the politician who could never get further in his career?
He suffered from Electile dysfunction.
Looking for shark puns! Hoping I could get some help here.
Will people get upset if I post something political here?
Heres one i get coworkers with from time to time..
Me: Hey, they’re stopping all the buses outside!
Coworker: What! Why?
Me: To let the people get off and on.
"OK dad text me when you get here."
[META]Could we please get the non-dadjoke puns out of here?
I've seen a steady increase of non-dadjoke puns in this sub over the last few months. It seems that people equate dadjokes with puns, which is not correct. Go to /r/puns for that. This comment by /u/skeptickal is a great explanation of the origins of dad jokes.
I do realize that it's hard or impossible to create a written rule of what is and what isn't a dadjoke, but whoever's moderating this subreddit should know.
My husband's response was, "Oh, get OUT of here..."
I saw that my husband had gotten a cut while shaving, and I asked what happened. He explained, "I got a new razor and flew too close to the sun."
My reply: "So you got a nick-arus?"
He was upset.
I think my dad will get on well here.
I Get My Sense of Humor from My Dad - He Told Me to Put it Here
My mom was telling a story about how she was kicking butt at work - as usual. Something about business politics and getting one over on some blockheads trying to undermine her. Dad speaks up, laughing.
"I can just envision them sitting there - crossing their eyes -"
I had to speak up.
"And dotting their t's?"
He couldn't stop laughing.
How did these boots get up here?
They walked.
Nyuk nyuk nyuk.
Wife had to suffer through this one today. Boots are still upstairs by my desk. :)
Coworkers didn't like the joke. Maybe it'll get some love here?
Thought of this while working, I'm sure it's a real joke already, but I've never heard it.
Q: What did the conservative priest say to the two gay melons that wanted to get married?
A: You guys cantaloupe. :D
Edit: spelling
Dadjoke while walking into 40k store. No takers. Lets see what I get here
First time at a Warhammer 40k store. I'm familiar with the game but have never played. Display window has a seven foot marine figure that is painted and badass. As I walk in,
"Whoa! How many points to play him?!?"
Me pointing at marine.
Three nerds playing magic stop to look at me.
Store employee looks up without moving his head.
Two other store patrons turn to look at me.
Crickets.
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