Get A Job Puns

Because they help with division.

Because her career was in ruins!

One said to the other i wont get the job i not good at questions. Dont worry said the other i go in first and i will tell you the answers? So he goes in the boss said to him; If i poke you in the left eye what would happen. I would go half blind. If i poke you right eye what would happen. I would go fully blind. Congratulations you have got the job. Send the other candidate in. As the other candidate was going in the he said the answers are Half blind and Fully blind. Thanks mate and goes to see the boss. Right said the boss if i cut your ear off what would happen. I would go half blind. Okay said the boss if i cut your other ear off what would happen. I would go fully blind. The boss looks puzzled and said how do you make that out. He said thats obvious.

My cap would fall over my eyes!!

They were hiring wrap artists

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a 'handy-woman' and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch," he said, "how much will you charge me?"

The blonde, after looking about, responded, "How about $50?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage.

The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should; she was standing on it. Do you think she's dumb?"

"No", replied the wife. "I guess I'm guilty of being influenced by all those 'dumb blonde' jokes."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" the husband asked.

"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her.

"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."

He just couldn't see himself doing it.

He was tired of all the ups and downs.

“Wow!” I said. “Was it some big corporation?”

“No.” He replied, “I mowed the lawn in the cemetery.”

Just something I ass pyre to

Do human cannonballs get fired?

Do pirates get told to sling their hook's?

Do prostitutes get laid off?

Do trapeze artists get let go?

I am only cleared for leiutenant labor.

I said, “Are you having an existential cry, sis?”

Then I can finally be a Billy-on-air.

They said I was unsuitable.

I just walk around the house turning off lights in unoccupied rooms. Doesn't pay much, but the job satisfaction is high.

Stupid Subway

I’ve never heard him complain

It never made it past the pilot.

Because of his many past failures with Bart-ending.

I cant let him get a dead end job.

but I found the whole application process a bit tiring.

My mom always told me it was rude to pick my nose.

I was very surprised, I thought it was an entry level position

It makes dollars.

Chef Boy Hardee

I didn't want her getting involved in a shady business.

He was good at R

But I'm lactose intolerant

It's something I can see myself doing.

Is to apply daily

But I Blueit.

He said, "I have a job! I'm a branch manager!"

So I can tell every customer that all sales are vinyl.

"But don't worry, my record was squeaky clean"

Because her career was in ruins!

Because of his previous failures at Bart-ending.

Which surprised me, I thought it was an entry level position.