Garfield Weston Puns

Up-to-date as of July 3, 2021

July 2, 2021

The Forever Purge (Horror/With: Will Patton, Ana de la Reguera, Josh Lucas, Cassidy Freeman/1 hr 43 min/Universal Pictures/R/d: Everardo Gout/Wide)

The Boss Baby: Family Business (Animation/With: Alec Baldwin, Amy Sedaris, James Marsden, Jeff Goldblum/1 hr 47 min/Universal Pictures/PG/d: Tom McGrath/Wide)

The Phantom (Documentary/Greenwich Entertainment/Limited)

The God Committee (Thriller/With Kelsey Grammar, Janeane Garofalo, Julia Stiles//1 hr 38 min/Vertical Entertainment/d: Austin Stark/Limited)

Secret Agent Dingledorf and His Trusty Dog Splat (Family/With Loki, Darcy Donavan, Paul Johansson/1 hr 29 min/Integrity Releasing/PG/d: Billy Dickson/Limited)

Summer of Soul (...Or, When the Revolution Could Not Be Televised) (Documentary/With: Lin-Manuel Miranda, Chris Rock, Stevie Wonder, Sly and the Family Stone/1 hr 57 min/Searchlight Pictures/PG-13/d: Questlove/Limited)

July 9, 2021

Black Widow (Fantasy/With: Scarlett Johansson, Florence Pugh, David Harbour, Rachel Weisz/2 hr 13 min/Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures/PG-13/d: Cate Shortland/Wide)

Summertime (Comedy/With: Austin Antoine, Marquesha Babers, Bryce Banks, Bene't Benton/1 hr 35 min/Good Deed Entertainment/R/d: Carlos López Estrada/Limited)

Meander (Horror/With Gaia Weiss, Peter Franzen, Romane Libert/1 hr. 27 min/Gravitas Ventures/d: Mathieu Turi/Limited)

July 14, 2021

Casanova, Last Love (History/With: Vincent Lindon, Stacy Martin, Valeria Golino, Julia Roy/1 hr 38 min/Cohen Media Group/d: Benoît Jacquot/Limited)

July 16, 2021

Escape Room: Tournament Of Champions (Horror/With: Taylor Russell, Logan Miller, Thomas Cocquerel, Holland Roden/1 hr 27 min/Sony Pictures Entertainment (SPE)/PG-13/d. Adam Robitel/Wide)

Space Jam: A New Legacy (Live Action-Animation/With: LeBron James, Zendaya, Don Cheadle, Sonequa Martin-Green/Warner Bros./PG/d: Malcolm D. Lee/Wide)

Roadrunner: A Film About Anthony Bourdain (Documentary/Focus Features/1 hr 58 min/d: Morgan Neville/Limited)

How To Deter A Robber (Crime/With Vanessa Marano, Benjamin Papac, Abbie Cobb,

Context:

The list below is copied¹ from a Word Perfect 5.1 file last modified in the mid-1990s, a few months after my birth. My mother spent considerable time researching names per family origins, so the majority of the list is likely the fruit of that labor, with a minority of names thrown in courtesy of my father.

The name selection & culling process began with each parent compiling personal lists of viable names; then, the lists were cross-checked for names they had in common. At the same time, certain names were vetoed. Names vetoed for me included:

• Andromache (mom vetoed; high chance name would be mispronounced my entire life. Also not a fan in general)
• Maia (dad vetoed; "sounds too much like the Greek word for witch," which is Μάγισσα)

Mom's priorities were avoiding names at high risk for cruel nickname derivations, and names at high risk for mispronunciation. For example, though she thought my (Greek Cypriot) paternal grandmother's name was beautiful, she expected Americans would mispronounce the second part as 'filly' and nickname me as such.

Ruling out both grandmothers' names for me meant not adhering to Greek naming conventions. They made up for this with my younger brother; so much for all the research into boy's names). I do want to point out that people have certainly mispronounced my surname throughout my life (+ subjected both it and my first name to misspellings), but ah well, so it goes.

¹ I've made minor formatting adjustments for convenience's sake and added gender headings, but otherwise haven't changed the content—typos left in!

##Girls

Greek

• Adara

• Agatha

• Ageaia

• Agnes

• Alceste

• Alecto

• Alexandra

• Alexis, Alexia

• Alice

• Alida

• Althea

• Alyssa

• Amalia

• Amara

• Anastasia

• Anatola

• Andromache

• Andromeda

• Angela

• Anthea

• Antigone

• Aretha

• Armata

• Asteria

• Astraea

• Atalanta

• Athena

• Aurora

• Berenice

• Beryl

• Briseus

• Calisto

• Calla

• Calliope

• Calypso

• Campaspe

• Candace

• Carissa

• Cassandra

• Cassiope

• Celene

• Ceres

• Chloe

• Chloris

• Christine

• Circe

• Clara

• Clarissa

• Clementine

• Cleo

• Clio

• Clytie

• Colette

• Cora

• Corey

• Corinna

• Corissa

• Coronis

• Cybele

• Cynthia

• Cypria

• Cythera

• Damara

• Damaris

• Danae

• Daphne

• Daria

• Delia

• Demeter

• Demetra

• Demetria

• Dionne

• Dora

• Doria

• Doris

• Dorothy

• Ebony

• Elinor

• Electra

• Epione

• Erena

• Esmerelda

• Esme

• Eudora

Alright, you know the deal. Ive done this every AMA (except #2) So its time for some ToozNews. Heres everything ive gathered relating to potential or confirmed upcoming Youtooz products. So lets get on with it:

•Samples of a Dead Meme plush were made a couple months ago but they didnt feel great. However they are still "working on some new ideas"

•Beetlejuice from The Howard Stern Show has been added to their "wishlist" of suggested figures

•More MMA and UFC fighters have been contacted about figures but nothing confirmed as of yet

•There has been no progress on Danny Duncan

•There is still no confirmed date for the vault but they are "getting closer"

•The Traves plushies are ready. Theyre just waiting for Traves to choose when they drop

•No updates on OfflineTV youtooz

•The FNAF figures are still in concept stage but we can expect to see some artwork soon

•Helluva Boss figures could "Maybe" happen since they have contact with Brandon Rodgers now

•More Vanoss Crew figures are in the work (includint Terroriser, who was previously confirmed)

•The Attack On Titan figures will be mostly based on season 1

•There are no plans for 1ft or Plushes for Attack On Titan but theyll consider it if there is demand

•Nothing planned for any of The Boys members yet

•A few more streamers (aside from Nihachu and Minx) are coming

•Which "Unreleased Figures" that are obtainable through the vault have not been confirmed yet

•There "maybe" Impractical Jokers Youtooz being considered

•Kubz Scouts is getting a Youtooz which will realeasd in may/april

•The vault will allow tracking of collections as well as the point exchange and community design features which have already been announced

•Theres nothing confirmed for any potential Marvel figures

•Some Jschlatt plushes from the next drop will have similar designs to the previous ones but they have a lot of new ideas too

•One of those "new ideas" for the Schlatt plushies is described as a "Floppy one". Whatever that means...

•Still no plans with Scott the Woz

•ConnorEatsPants v2 is still in the design phasr and can be expected to release in 3-6 months

•There are currently no plans for Ace Attorney figures

•There are also no plans for DougDoug Youtooz

•Lionsgate arent approving any collectibles. So no John Wick figures will be made

•Rockstar Games are considering working with Youtooz although they say they rarely work with outisde companies

•Daft Punk figures are "possibly" being

Phil

Sudden Lee

Go post NSFW jokes somewhere else. If I can't tell my kids this joke, then it is not a DAD JOKE.

If you feel it's appropriate to share NSFW jokes with your kids, that's on you. But a real, true dad joke should work for anyone's kid.

Mods... If you exist... Please, stop this madness. Rule #6 should simply not allow NSFW or (wtf) NSFL tags. Also, remember that MINORS browse this subreddit too? Why put that in rule #6, then allow NSFW???

Please consider changing rule #6. I love this sub, but the recent influx of NSFW tagged posts that get all the upvotes, just seem wrong when there are good solid DAD jokes being overlooked because of them.

Thank you,

A Dad.

So far nobody has given me a straight answer

I am currently in the hospital. I had a back operation yesterday. The surgical nurse came in my room and started asking questions about my back. She asked me if I had any falls during the last year. I responded just one. It was after summer.

She laughed and said in 20 years of doing this she never was told that joke.

..... Will get a reward.

Because they work on many levels

Well, toucan play at that game.

Argon does not react.

Windows

Martin Freeman, and Andy Serkis.

They also play roles in Lord of the Rings.

I guess that makes them the Tolkien white guys.

She said apple-lutely

'Eye-do'

This is my first post pls don't kill me lol.

The people in the comment section is why I love this subreddit!!

Cred once again my sis wants credit lol

Keep in mind, my son is 4 years old, so everything is an original to him.

I had to work late into the evening yesterday, and he was just going to bed when I got home. I had left home for the office nearly 14 hours prior, had a long day, lots of meetings, traffic, etc.

When I walked through the door, I was exhausted, run down, and starving. My wife hugged me and asked how my day was, and I replied, "Done. It was a good day, but has got me exhausted. I just want to grab a bite and go to bed. I'm hungry."

From my son's bedroom, I hear him shout, "Hi Hungry! Nice to meet you!"

Not only did it make me laugh, but I completely forgot about how hungry and tired I was. I went to his bedroom, and we laughed together about it. It was exactly what I needed.

Edit: Thanks for all the awards, kind strangers! I'll let my son know y'all enjoyed his joke too!

I heard parents named their children lance a lot.

First post please don't kill me

Edit: i went to sleep and now my inbox is dead, thank you kind strangers for the awards!

To get to the... Bottom...

(as told by my 5yo son, I'm so proud)

Japan.

"No, the regular kind!" I laughed.

it's Hans free now..

second hand stores!

Old Neeeeiiiiighvy

A buck-an-ear!

I Thank ye kind Matey for the booty! I be truly overwhelmed! Thank you!

Holy cow! Thank you everyone for the upvotes and awards! I wasn’t expecting this!

and not:

He should have a good vowel movement. His next diaper change could spell disaster though.

Making it all the way home and realizing that they forgot one of the containers:

Riceless

That was the punchline

10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too