I was playing a zombie game last night, and sliced off the left side of a zombie

It scared my wife pretty bad.

I assured her he’s all right.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PapaBear1718
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
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The tall guy who tips off the ball to start basketball games was found deceased at mid-court...

Dead center.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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Kroger is bringing their A game. Their Dr. Pepper knock off is called "The Fizzicist". Took me a minute to get it.
πŸ‘︎ 595
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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_might_be_weasel
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
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Players just can’t seem to keep their hands off this new board game..

Glue.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Suprmnstr
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
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Sometimes we take game spin-offs for grant-ed
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thisismyfirstday
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
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I work in a hospital and tonight a guy game in who blew off his finger with fireworks.

He was happy with his service...but only gave us a 9/10 rating.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Erastin
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
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My husband, new dad of 8 months, is kicking off his dad joke game strong.

We had a cleaning service come to the house today, called Two Maids and a Mop. Well, three maids showed up and my dumb husband goes, β€œwhich one of you is the mop?”

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2018
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After all the final season backlash, how did D&D get off the Game of Thrones highway?

They took Daenerys exit..

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/changhaobyu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
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Barber was off his game today

He was having a Bad Hair Day

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spiritbomb86
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2017
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Speaking of Jay-Z, B asked him to clean up his video games. When she came back, she was pretty ticked off.

"What's wrong?" "I can see your Halo"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ganders81
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2018
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I was at a soccer game, when a fan jumped onto the field dressed as a player. He was chased off.

Now here’s the real kicker.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JaywalkingCat
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2018
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Why did the phantom get stretchered off from the ghost football game?

He got kicked in the ghoulies.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2017
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My dad sent me this text last night after Kolten Wong was picked off to end Game 4 of the World Series

"The picked off Cardinal base runner was in the Wong place at the Wong time."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/acooper1995
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2013
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Just some puns

1: I had a crazy dream last night! I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. Turns out it was just a Fanta sea. 2: Can February March? No, but April May. 3: I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me. 4: Never trust an atom, they make up everything! 5: Β I made a pun about the wind but it blows. 6: I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off! 7: What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabee! 8: Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink! 9: I asked a Frenchman if he played video games. He said Wii

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ricardo_my_man
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
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I got my son a PS5 like he wanted... the note read...

Dear son,

Merry Christmas!

PS: do your homework.

PPS: do your chores.

PPPS: go outside and play and stop playing video games

PPPPS: you're a fatboy, fattie. You eat too much crap food.

PPPPPS: we're shipping you off to military school next year!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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So I was talking to my friend yesterday about their recent accident

They told me that recently they had come into ownership of a small ball of string. At first, they thought nothing of it. One day, they walked into their house and the ball of string was on the table, when they had specifically left it in a closet. They put it away again, but the next day when they came home from work, the ball was on the table again. It kept happening, and eventually it became a sort of game for my friend. They'd leave it somewhere they thought it could never come back from, and return to find it on their table.

Then it began to appear in other places.

It appeared in the middle of a company meeting. One moment, the table was empty, the next, it had a ball of string in the middle. While driving, they spotted it in the back of their car. They saw it inside of a vending machine. But at the end of every day it would return to their table.

Eventually, my friend decided enough was enough. They took the string, and threw it off a bridge into a river. As they were driving home, a car swerved and hit them, wrecking both cars. My friend staggered to check on the other driver, and all he found was a small pile of soggy string on the seat.

After that, he never saw the string again.

So after he told me this tale, I turned to him, and said, "Wow... that was quite a yarn."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justcaleb2001
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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r/dadjokes is recruiting moderators, join us!

Update: Thanks for all your applications! Give /u/parin89 and I a few days to take a look and confer!
(if you haven't put your application in yet, you've still got time)

-

Greetings /r/dadjokes subscribers,

Years have passed since this sub started up, and there are now literally millions of you. Whoa.

Two million people is just two many two handle for two moderators. Especially these days, when both /u/parin89 and I have two many other responsibilities and a whole lot less time. I'm 200% sure most of you would agree that more mods are needed.

So we're looking for 5 more moderators to get involved. If you're keen to apply, read the rest of this post and answer the three questions in your comment response.

Answer these 3 questions in your reply:

  1. How would you describe a dad joke?
  2. Do you currently moderate any other subreddits? If yes, which ones.
  3. You see a post that is not breaking the rules or reddit's posting guidelines, but is generally disliked by the community. What do you do?

Only apply if:

  • You're a reasonable, fair-minded and patient human
  • You're in it to keep this community a happy, friendly and safe place for other humans
  • You've got previous mod experience from a decent sized community (let's say... 5k+)
  • You're cool with the first few months being a trial run
  • You understand that while we could use more active moderation, and would benefit from a few more rules, one of the things that makes this community great is that it's pretty open (after all, dad jokes repeat a lot and not every "repost" is necessarily an opportunistic attempt to game karma)

We'd benefit from a few practical things as well, it would be great if:

  • You live in a timezone that covers off either the USA, the UK, Australia (we'd like a spread)
  • You've got some automod experience
  • You've got some sub-customisation experience

Don't apply if:

  • You're ready to come out swinging with a power tripping ban hammer
  • You're more concerned about Internet points than real people

We'll leave this stickied for a week and then come back to message a few people and make some selections.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tali3sin
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
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This pun made my friend not want to talk to me for a day

Ok, so this one needs a bit of buildup.

At the time (a week or so ago) I was making a homebrew item for DnD (for the uninformed, Homebrew are custom made items/classes/spells to use in a DnD game at the discretion of the DM (Dungeon Master)).

I had shown this item (shameless plug) to my friend (who is also the DM of the campaign I'm in now) in the hopes of using it in the campaign. He had pointed out that the item was a bit OP for it's cost and that the homebrew page I had made for it was too long. We were discussing ways to improve both the item and the page, and then got on the topic of magic items in general.

It went something along the lines of this:

DM: ... you can't really destroy a magic item before removing the magic from it. Like, you could try to melt down a magic sword for example, but all that would really do is make it too hot to hold. You could even bend it, but not outright destroy it.

Me: That's gotta be one pissed off magic sword.

DM: I mean, yeah, if it's sentient.

Me: Maybe it got so angry at being bent, that it gains sentience just spite you or something.

DM: Well, yeah maybe.

And this, people of reddit, is when the PUN, popped into my head.

Me: *leans in* you could say that the sword gained sentience cuz it got... bent out of shape.

A second or two of silence, and I see the pun register in his head, and I fucking lost it.

I then laugh for a straight minute. After about ten secunds of me busting a gut, he said "Aight, Imma head out"

We're cool now, but he really didn't want to talk to me the next day.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
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5 Cringey Puns

(Sorry For Not Posting, I Was Busy)

  1. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

  2. I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

  3. Why don't some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don't work out.

  4. I didn't use to care much for most puns but over time some of them have groan on me.

  5. A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.

(Source For All Puns: https://www.punoftheday.com/cgi-bin/disppuns.pl?ord=F&cat=0&sub=0&page=1)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/punsdaily
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2020
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I dare you to read this

What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!

I heard a scary math joke, but I’m 2^^2 to tell it!

Have you heard of that new movie, β€œConstipation”? Well it doesn’t matter, it never came out.

I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said β€œNo, doc, it’s dis knee.”

Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.

When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses don’t cause reactions, after all.

What’s the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.

What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!

I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."

Why can’t you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!

Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.

Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? You don’t wanna wake the sleeping pills.

What twitches and is found at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck!

What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller!

What do you call a 3 foot tall psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large!

Help, I can’t stop reading books with female protagonists! I’m a heroine addict!

How did Sparticus react when he ate his wife for dinner? He was gladiator!

When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!

19 and 20 got into a fight… 21.

My friend told me, β€œPeople who sell meat are disgusting!” So I said, β€œYeah, well people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!”

How can turtles take photos of themselves? Shell-fie sticks!

What do you call a secret agent molecule? Bond… ionic bond. β€œTaken, not shared.” What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? (Cut this part, but make a screeching noise)

How much does Santa’s sleigh cost? $0, it’s on the house.

If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight there would be mass confusion.

I had a splinter once; it eventually got out of hand.

I’m going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, I’m outstanding.

Most people are shocked to find out how terrible an electrician I am!

What do mermaids wash their fins with? Tide What’s the coolest place to use the bathroom? The Lil Jon

Did you know that on average, people want three covers on their bed at all times? But that’s just a blanket statem

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kinjago
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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My 3yr old daughter is showing good signs..

"Hey dad?"

"Yes dear?"

"Hey, im not a DEER!"

Caught me off guard so early in the morn. It was quick, and it was glorious. I need to step my game up before i lose my throne....

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/noididntjustget
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2014
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My parents were watching the Women's World cup last night

My mom saw a player that was particularly androgynous and asked my father "Is she transgender? She looked like Caitlyn Jenner."

My father, without taking his eyes off the game responded "No, she's trans-jenner."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drfunkenstien014
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2015
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My Dad's Favorite Joke

Okay so the animals have been on the ark for thirty days and thirty nights and frankly they are getting bored. So to provide entertainment B-Deck challenges C-Deck to a game of football. They get it all set up and begin play. B-Deck makes some early gains but C-Deck is unstoppable. They have Rhinoceros and once he gets going you cant stop him. Soon the first half is over and the score is 24-7. The second half begins and while in the huddle Rhinoceros looks over at B-Decks defensive line and sees Centipede on their defensive line. "Give me the ball," he says, "There aren't going to be any centipedes in the new world because I'm crushing this one right here and right now" The Center snaps the ball and the quarterback hands it off to Rhinoceros who begins charging down Centipede. Centipede rears up grabs Rhinoceros by the legs and SLAMS him to the deck. Ball pops loose, centipede grabs the ball. He's rushing down the field weaving in and out and TOUCHDOWN!!! The crowd goes wild! C-Deck's captain, Lion rushes over and says, "Centipede that was amazing! Where were you in the first half?" "Well I was lacing my shoes."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bobby_849
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2018
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Chick-fil-a was really slow getting my order out to me.

They must’ve been off their Chick-fil- β€œA-game”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xCtrldChaosx
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2019
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I made a dad joke I'm proud of last night...

I was watching my friend's softball game last night, sitting with his wife as their two twin 4-ish-year-old daughters ran around. One of them was intent on finding the crickets that were chirping all night. Finally she runs up to us and says "I hear the crickets over there. I'm going to go look for them!"

As she runs off I say "Watch, all she'll find over there is a bad comedian."

Forgive me, it's a problem.

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kr580
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2014
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My dad asked me if I wanted a Hertz donut...

Back in the 90s, I remember playing some N64 after school when my dad came home from work. He comes into the living room and asks me what's up and, as a teen, I say "nuthin" and keep playing while he just stands there. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see he's looking at me with a stupid grin on his face that's he's trying to suppress poorly. Finally, he asks me to pause the game. I turn to him and he asks "You want a Hertz donut?" I obviously know this joke, but to make it worse, he's already making a fist, ready at his side. I roll my eyes and say "No, I do not want a Hertz donut." He just relaxes his hand and says surprised "Oh, you don't? You sure?" I say I'm sure and he says okay and walks back out to his car, leaving me to return to my GoldenEye. A few seconds later, he comes strolling back in the room, with a box of a dozen donuts in his hand, while he's eating one, with the same stupid grin on his face. On the box of donuts, "Dunkin" has been crudely crossed out and Hertz written beneath it in Sharpie marker. He walks into the kitchen saying "Guess you won't be having these Hertz donuts!" I'm in awe. I follow him into the kitchen and he finally relents and lets me take a donut. I ask him "So, you bought these donuts, and just put this joke together on the way home?" He says he thought of the joke earlier in the day at work and had to buy the donuts for the bit. I start laughing hysterically thinking about him sitting at work itching to leave to pull this off. As we sit there, quietly eating these donuts, he breaks the silence with a mouth full of donut, with "Had to stop at CVS to pick up a Sharpie too." I almost choked on the donut jimmies.

TLDR: Dad offered a Hertz donut, should've taken him up on it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PriestPorridge
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2014
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Dad for the win last night.

So my family and I are all gathering around the TV watching the Notre Dame & North Carolina basketball game last night, when out of nowhere my dog starts dry humping the air.

It's absolutely hilarious when he does it, and it all never fails to make everyone laugh hysterically. Take in mind that my dog is neutered so he's super horny but, obviously doesn't really no what he's doing since his baby makers were chopped off. Anyways, my brothers trying to get him to come to him and he's just sitting there looking at him with this his devious little dog face.

Angrily, my brother says,

"He's probably so disobedient because you guys had to go and cut off his balls."

Everyone nodded their heads agreeably, except my dad who mumbles,

"Yeah Matt, that must explain why he never comes."

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Huv
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2016
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The look on my mom's face was priceless.

Last saturday, I was at my parents' house to watch the game. While my dad and I are watching, my mom is on her laptop looking at trees to plant in the back yard, and constantly asking my dad what he thinks about every species of tree she comes across. Suddenly, my mom's phone receives several text messages, emails, and app notifications simultaneously. My dad looks at her and says, "Well, aren't you Poplar today? Leaf me alone and go check your phone." I laughed my ass off, as did he. She was not amused.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zaaryk
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2016
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Bear Hands

I'm proud of this one...

My family was visiting friends for a night of Monopoly. We ended a game and were setting up for another when I got up to get a beer for myself and my buddy. We prefer Dos, which doesn't twist off, so I had to use a bottle opener. Enter my 9 year old . . .

"Dad, why don't you use your bare hands to open that bottle?"

He looked up at me with eyes that sought answers and basic truths, not knowing what was about to hit him. I almost felt bad, while trying to hold back a smile, knowing what I was about to say.

"Because I don't have bear hands", followed by the most dad-like laughter possible.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/triplers120
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2014
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My girlfriend just dadjoked me on the Steam summer sale...

Me: Oh wow, Amnesia: The Dark Descent is on sale. 80% off bringing it down to $4. Do I really want to buy what's known as one of the scariest games?

Girlfriend: No, I definitely think you should forget about it.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kelminak
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2014
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It's worth the read!

I should preface this by saying this was on of the best dates I've ever been on, but the relationship also subsequently fell apart because of it.

Anyway, a few years ago, my girlfriend and I had been going out for a few months, and things were great. I met her through a mutual friend of mine at the hospital, weirdly enough. Our friend had gotten in a very bad accident and had to get a glass eye. He would always dab it with cotton to stop the bleeding at the beginning. Anyway, this is all relevant because my girlfriend (not girlfriend at the time) bonded over how disgusting our friends eye was. This got us to talking, and before you know it, we started going out. Things got pretty serious months and months down the line, and I was just laid off from my job. This meant that in general, we would go on cheaper dates. Nothing too drastic. Just like a movie and dinner instead of say the Opera and a fancy five star restaurant.

So, about a year and a half into the relationship, Joe, the mutual friend of ours, suggests a double date with us and his girlfriend. He knew the situation I was in and offered to pay for the whole thing. Great right? Well... no. I was actually planning on proposing to my girlfriend. Except Joe suggested the plans in front of my girlfriend too, so she accepted for both of us. I didn't want to propose to her on a double date, so I pulled her aside and told her to just skip the date and come over instead. Joe had bought us all tickets to a baseball game, and believe it or not, my girlfriend chose the baseball game instead of me. I stayed home alone as she went out with Joe and his girlfriend. Moral of the story is, if it hadn't been for Cotton Eyed Joe, I'd been married a long time ago.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/herper
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2015
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Dad joked on family movie night

this was years ago, I had forgotten until it came up in conversation today. when Finding Nemo came out on DVD most of us hadn't seen it, and my oldest sister was home from her first year in college. my mom gets all excited to have a Disney movie night for old time's sake and makes a big deal about it.

so we all get settled with popcorn and all, and the movie begins. if you haven't seen it, the first scene is a bit tragic... to refresh people's memory, a barracuda attacks the soon-to-be parents and eats the mom and unhatched eggs. this is probably less than 5 minutes into the movie.

it's dead quiet in the house as Marlin swims around yelling for his mate and looking in the now empty spot where their eggs were hidden. He sees the lone surviving egg on the ocean floor and swims to it. honoring his deceased mate's wishes, he names his only child "Nemo"

instantly my dad stands up, turns off the TV and says "Ha! I found him! that was fun." and walks away.

tl;dr: my dad beat the whole family in a game of "Finding Nemo"

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cjswitz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2014
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Girlfriend dadjoked for the first time in two years

I had previously told her that I'm afraid of going bald as I get older. Cut to later in the day...

Me: Gore in movies and games doesn't bother me when heads and arms and stuff are getting sliced off. But I get a little cringy when it's a scalpel cutting into skin; precision cuts are weird for me.

GF: Is it because it's a scalp el?

Me: ...

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/magladek
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2014
🚨︎ report
A soccer referee told me this one during my game an hour ago

(A bit of context first, but you can skip this paragraph if you want). An hour or so ago, I was playing a div 1 co-ed soccer game. Since our captain wasn't there, I was the one talking to the ref, signing the game sheet, providing the game ball, and all that. At some point during the game, one of our guys shot the ball and it rebounded off, giving us a corner. However, none of our guys were going to get the ball as if they thought it was the other team's ball. I yelled at my team "Guys, it's our corner!"

The ref turned to me and laughed, and said "They need to concentrate". I said "No kidding, huh?" He then turned to me with a pre-dadjoke smile and asked me "Why didn't the orange juice pass its exam? ... It couldn't concentrate."

It was in that moment that I knew this grey haired, bearded man was a father of at least one child. He didn't even look back for a reaction, he just turned with his dad smile, knowing full well that the joke has merit enough on its own regardless of a reaction.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bearkin1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2013
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FWD: Fwd: FWD FWD: Fwd: Emails from Dad

MAN LAWS

The International Rules of Manhood

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.

(c) After wrecking your boss' car.

(d) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CampConcentration
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2014
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Winter is coming

Me and a buddy were talking Game of Thrones and I finished off the convo with "Winter Is Coming". My dad over hearing us talking looked over at me and says "No, did you forget? Winter died last month." (Our neighbor Mrs Winter died recently)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HDRed
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2015
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Dad got me at the hockey game last night...

So we went to the Wild's preseason game against the Blues last night and there was a blues player who fell down after blocking a shot with his inner thigh. It reminded me of this goal (http://www.reddit.com/tb/2i8prv) I saw on r/hockey yesterday that JvR scored off his weiner, and told my dad about it.

His response: That's nuts! Good thing it wasn't in their own goal, that would've been a dick move.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/grafiteballoon7
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2014
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Think hard.

My cousin needed to get into my friend's laptop.

Cousin: "what's the password man?"

Friend: "think hard."

Thinking hard, my cousin tries to enter a possible password. Reluctantly gives up

Cousin: "seriously, what's the password?"

Friend: "think hard."

Cousin: "Dude, stop playing games with me. Give me the password."

Friend: "think hard."

Went on for a while which pissed off my cousin even more. He finally gets it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aultus
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2014
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Dat-honored.

I was in my room watching a YouTube video of someone playing Dishonored on my laptop. My dad came in and asked what I was doing. I said I was watching a video game. He's asked what video game it was. I said "It's called Dishonored." His response was "What about Dat-honored?" I fell off my chair at how funny and just plain bad his response was. He's always quoting jokes from this subreddit, so I thought I'd post one about his dad joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Only1Chapter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2014
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Getting Tips at Work

I work at a "field house" before home football games, serving beer n' what not, and a large chunk of what I make is off of tips that come in envelopes. As I pick my envelope of tips up I hear a jingle of coins inside of the envelope. Dramatically I stop and stare at my boss,

"Everything okay?" - boss

"Yeah everything is fine, I just didn't expect this much change in my life."

The surrounding co-workers groaned at the joke, but as I am leaving a lone drunkard walks up to me, gives me a high five, and congratulates me on fatherhood.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnErectSuprise
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2014
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Dadjoked my own dad tonight

We were watching a hockey game, and I had a stack of post-it notes I was messing around with. I plucked one off and stuck it over his eye. Then I said: "Now you can't tell how far away the game is. You don't know if they're playing in Winnipeg or in Columbus."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Flabbergaster
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2013
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