I got gas for $1.19 today!
Unfortunately, it was from Taco Bell.
π︎ 5k
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︎ Oct 01 2020
I ran out of gas on the side of the road. Along comes a swarm of bees.
I was confused, but they seemed friendly. I told them what was going on, and they said: open the gas cap. One by one, each bee flew into the tank, and to my astonishment the gas gage went from empty to full. The bees said: start the car. So, I did and it ran. I asked them: what did you put in the tank? Bee pee.
π︎ 13
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︎ Dec 13 2020
Do you know why laughing gas makes you laugh?
π︎ 10
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︎ Dec 17 2020
Do you know why air pumps at gas stations used to be free but are now $1.50?
π︎ 237
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︎ Nov 17 2020
Did you hear about the soldier who got hit with mustard gas and pepper spray?
π︎ 129
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︎ Nov 28 2020
Gas prices
π︎ 71
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︎ Oct 23 2020
My Grandfather survived Pepper spray and Mustard gas attacks in two wars...
... And came home to us a seasoned Veteran.
Edit : To use a war pun.. " Wow, this really blew up " ...Thanks to all for contributing to this bit of fun. I feel like Granddad now with all the medals.
π︎ 19k
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︎ Jun 29 2020
What would a car without any gas be called in Madagascar?
π︎ 35
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︎ Nov 19 2020
Laughing gas should be Helium instead of Nitrous Oxide.
Not only does it make your voice sound funny, but a bunch of it together goes He He He.
π︎ 13
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︎ Nov 28 2020
I call my gas pedal 'Vincent'
Because it makes my van go.
π︎ 13
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︎ Nov 16 2020
All this fuel pump talk is a real gas.
π︎ 27
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︎ Oct 10 2020
I quit my job at the helium gas factory today
I refuse to be spoken to in that tone.
π︎ 50
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︎ Sep 29 2020
I used to only pass gas on Democrats, but now I pass gas on Republicans too.
I guess that makes me bifartisan.
π︎ 4
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︎ Nov 22 2020
What has three letters and starts with gas?
π︎ 609
π
︎ Jul 06 2020
Compressed air at gas stations used to be FREE, but now you have to pay $2!
π︎ 82
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︎ Aug 15 2020
Itβll pass you like gas!
π︎ 14
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︎ Sep 06 2020
How does someone learn to pass gas?
Through extensive and persistent tootelage.
π︎ 9
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︎ Sep 15 2020
I saw a woman at the gas station pumping gas and trying to light a cigarette
I went inside to pay and saw two policemen in the store. I said "Did you guys see that woman out there?" They looked outside and suddenly darted out the door. I turn and see she caught her arm on fire.
The policemen threw a blanket around her and wrestled her to the ground and put out the fire. Then they gave her a ticket!
After they came inside I asked why they gave her a ticket. Turns out she didn't have a license for that firearm.
π︎ 10k
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︎ Feb 28 2020
Who can drink 5 gallons of gas and not get sick?
π︎ 18
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︎ Aug 31 2020
When my car has gas, I'm tank-full
Happy Thanksgiving, Canada!
π︎ 6
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︎ Oct 09 2020
Itβs got a wooden frame, wooden engine, wooden wheels and a wooden gas tank. Did he ride it? No, wooden start
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Feb 05 2020
I think my car has a gas leak...
I have to keep filling the gas tank
π︎ 2
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︎ Oct 07 2020
A woodcutter once decided to build his own motor bike. He used wood for the frame, wood for the engine, wood for the brakes, and even a wooden gas tank.
Did he ride it? No. It wooden start
π︎ 14
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︎ Aug 08 2020
A Gas Pump
π︎ 11
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︎ Aug 12 2020
If Dracula passed gas
It would be a Nosferatoot.
π︎ 15
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︎ Jul 23 2020
My son hates art so much that his body releases gas every time we talk about it
π︎ 6
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︎ Aug 25 2020
I surprised my wife by filling her car up with gas today.
She seemed pretty tank-full.
π︎ 6
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︎ Jul 09 2020
Gas from farts should be spelled...
π︎ 2
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︎ Aug 22 2020
Before my surgery, the anesthesiologist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle...
It was an ether/oar situation...
π︎ 242
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︎ Apr 29 2020
Which pharaoh are you when you canβt pass gas?
π︎ 13
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︎ Jul 13 2020
I want to start a gas company that deals exclusively in fuel derived from dog fossils. Itβs going to be called Paw Petrol.
π︎ 9
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︎ Jun 13 2020
gas football
What do you call a gas station named after a footballer?,Antoine Greasemann
π︎ 2
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︎ Jul 08 2020
Why did the farmer keep putting spools of thread into the gas tank of his tractor?
Someone told him it was a sowing machine.
π︎ 4
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︎ Jul 17 2020
Who can drink 2 litres of gas?!
π︎ 20
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︎ May 24 2020
Remember when air was free at the gas station, now itβs $1.50. You know why?
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Jul 22 2020
Did you hear about the solider that got hit with mustard gas and pepper spray?
Heβs now a seasoned veteran
π︎ 130
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︎ Oct 16 2020
Remember when they used to have air at the gas station for free? Now itβs $1.50
π︎ 13
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︎ Nov 17 2020
Air used to be free at gas stations, now it's $1.50. Know why?
π︎ 15
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︎ Nov 17 2020
Before air was free at the gas station, and now you have to pay for it? You know why?
π︎ 7
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︎ Nov 18 2020
I got gas today for $1.39.
Unfortunately it was at Taco Bell.
π︎ 24
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︎ Oct 11 2020
The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran.
π︎ 35
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︎ Aug 09 2020
What do you call a soldier who has survived mustard gas and pepper spray?
π︎ 100
π
︎ Jul 16 2020
I got gas today for $1.39.
Unfortunately it was at Taco Bell.
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Oct 12 2019
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Nov 10 2019
The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran.
π︎ 13
π
︎ May 26 2020
Before surgery the anesthetist asked if I wanted to be knocked out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation
π︎ 20
π
︎ May 10 2020
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