I got gas for $1.19 today!

Unfortunately, it was from Taco Bell.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SufficientNarwhal
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I ran out of gas on the side of the road. Along comes a swarm of bees.

I was confused, but they seemed friendly. I told them what was going on, and they said: open the gas cap. One by one, each bee flew into the tank, and to my astonishment the gas gage went from empty to full. The bees said: start the car. So, I did and it ran. I asked them: what did you put in the tank? Bee pee.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know why laughing gas makes you laugh?

Because it smells funny.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TomSFox
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know why air pumps at gas stations used to be free but are now $1.50?

Inflation

πŸ‘︎ 237
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πŸ‘€︎ u/officialsmolkid
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the soldier who got hit with mustard gas and pepper spray?

He's a seasoned veteran

πŸ‘︎ 129
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Gas prices
πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spinnaker190
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My Grandfather survived Pepper spray and Mustard gas attacks in two wars...

... And came home to us a seasoned Veteran.

Edit : To use a war pun.. " Wow, this really blew up " ...Thanks to all for contributing to this bit of fun. I feel like Granddad now with all the medals.

πŸ‘︎ 19k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What would a car without any gas be called in Madagascar?

Outtagascar

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Laughing gas should be Helium instead of Nitrous Oxide.

Not only does it make your voice sound funny, but a bunch of it together goes He He He.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hangmandelta
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I call my gas pedal 'Vincent'

Because it makes my van go.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jorvay
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
All this fuel pump talk is a real gas.
πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shane0clock
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I quit my job at the helium gas factory today

I refuse to be spoken to in that tone.

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lez566
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I used to only pass gas on Democrats, but now I pass gas on Republicans too.

I guess that makes me bifartisan.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ProjectOcoee
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What has three letters and starts with gas?

A Car.

πŸ‘︎ 609
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πŸ‘€︎ u/howiewu0402
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Compressed air at gas stations used to be FREE, but now you have to pay $2!

Inflation blows.

πŸ‘︎ 82
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
It’ll pass you like gas!
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lexithaa
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
How does someone learn to pass gas?

Through extensive and persistent tootelage.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cbstryker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw a woman at the gas station pumping gas and trying to light a cigarette

I went inside to pay and saw two policemen in the store. I said "Did you guys see that woman out there?" They looked outside and suddenly darted out the door. I turn and see she caught her arm on fire.

The policemen threw a blanket around her and wrestled her to the ground and put out the fire. Then they gave her a ticket!

After they came inside I asked why they gave her a ticket. Turns out she didn't have a license for that firearm.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/digeratisensei
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Who can drink 5 gallons of gas and not get sick?

Jerry can

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BabyxJolly
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
When my car has gas, I'm tank-full

Happy Thanksgiving, Canada!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/megadecimal
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
It’s got a wooden frame, wooden engine, wooden wheels and a wooden gas tank. Did he ride it? No, wooden start
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dunkinbiskits
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I think my car has a gas leak...

I have to keep filling the gas tank

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
A woodcutter once decided to build his own motor bike. He used wood for the frame, wood for the engine, wood for the brakes, and even a wooden gas tank.

Did he ride it? No. It wooden start

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_methematician
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
🚨︎ report
A Gas Pump
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JeanClaudeVanDamp
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
If Dracula passed gas

It would be a Nosferatoot.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlmightyMoira
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My son hates art so much that his body releases gas every time we talk about it

F art

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doorbell28
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I surprised my wife by filling her car up with gas today.

She seemed pretty tank-full.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StretchSmiley
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Gas from farts should be spelled...

Gass

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScottyMo1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Before my surgery, the anesthesiologist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle...

It was an ether/oar situation...

πŸ‘︎ 242
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Which pharaoh are you when you can’t pass gas?

Toot-uncommon.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cambrew
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I want to start a gas company that deals exclusively in fuel derived from dog fossils. It’s going to be called Paw Petrol.
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
🚨︎ report
gas football

What do you call a gas station named after a footballer?,Antoine Greasemann

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BreadditReddit
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the farmer keep putting spools of thread into the gas tank of his tractor?

Someone told him it was a sowing machine.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Who can drink 2 litres of gas?!

Jerry can!

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiscordisMe5789
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Remember when air was free at the gas station, now it’s $1.50. You know why?

Inflation

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mycorona69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the solider that got hit with mustard gas and pepper spray?

He’s now a seasoned veteran

πŸ‘︎ 130
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CuteBearLegs
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Remember when they used to have air at the gas station for free? Now it’s $1.50

You know why? Inflation!

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vanator_Obosit
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Air used to be free at gas stations, now it's $1.50. Know why?

Inflation.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Before air was free at the gas station, and now you have to pay for it? You know why?

Inflation

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/viky_boy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I got gas today for $1.39.

Unfortunately it was at Taco Bell.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/T1nkyWinky
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran.
πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a soldier who has survived mustard gas and pepper spray?

A seasoned veteran

πŸ‘︎ 100
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πŸ‘€︎ u/liverpool135
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I got gas today for $1.39.

Unfortunately it was at Taco Bell.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.

It was an ether/oar situation.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
🚨︎ report
The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran.
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Before surgery the anesthetist asked if I wanted to be knocked out with gas or a boat paddle.

It was an ether/oar situation

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mirratrix
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
🚨︎ report

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