Funny Yorkshire Puns

I really do not know where I could post this so this is my last resort so I’m sorry if this doesn’t belong here but I’m trying to find a video from 2012 or before about these american teenagers doing a ouijia board and it’s supposed to seem truly real but they ask it “can you flip the table” and it replies in a yorkshire accent “no i dont want to flip ‘t table” and things like that

if anyone could help me find it or even give me ideas to where i could post it

I've always found it pretty jarring that Geralt, and the other Witchers, have had American accents in the video games.

Geralt adopts the Rivian accent to fulfill the lifestory that he's given himself, but all the other Witchers also have American-Rivian accents as well, and they're from other parts of the North.

Thronebreaker's gameplay has Meve and other Rivians using a Yorkshire accent which is actually the accent that Peter Kenny uses for Geralt in the English audiobooks.

Hello!

Remember about a month ago I asked you a load of questions? Well, a whopping 9,404 of you filled it out which is a huge increase on the amount of people that filled in the 2020 census. At the time of writing that's about 1% of the subscribers to the subreddit so anyone who filled it out well done, you're the top 1% of the sub.

Below I'll run through the answers to the questions, give a little flavour to it and then share the basic info for some of the write-in questions if some of you would like to flick through and find some funny and/or interesting answers. None of the info will be linked to anything else so it's all completely anonymous. We will not be releasing the full results, just the write in answers.

Before we get to all that - thank you for everyone who highlighted a couple of issues with the questions. The questions about gender and the Scottish counties will be amended for the 2022 census. Finally, a massive thank you to my good friend Ed who helped out with the analysis and narrative below - hope you enjoyed the beer we sent as thanks.

Without further ado!

Question 1 - How are you?

Most people are polite, but the Irish are most polite with 50% of Irish respondents asking me how I am too. Nice bunch, the Irish. I'm doing very well, thank you for asking.

To the 21% of you who have been better - hopefully 2022 smashes it out of the park for you!

Question 2 - Age

64% of those who answered Question 2 are under 30 which is probably unsurprising but as someone who is rapidly approaching 30 makes me feel quite old. Those of you who are under 17 what are you doing? Do your homework! Drink cans in the park! Youths!

Question 3 - Gender

The gender split is slightly more in favour of men than women this year, with over 2/3 of respondents identifying as male. However, over 4% identified as trans, non-binary or other which is much more than the 1% Stonewall estimate identify as trans/NB people in the UK. Glad you feel at home on CasualUK!

One of you identified as 'Penguin'. Another 'dinosaur'. Yet another 'dragon' and there was apparently one 'werewolf.' The person who identifies as a 'D-5 Trident II ICBM' (a submarine launched intercontinental ballistic missile) is a dangerous sort.

Seven of you are ex

It's quite funny to hear strongly accented Yorkshire lad automatically switch to an Irish accent whilst speaking French.

I was raised in Yorkshire where my dad was a wagon driver. He drove wagons and we all called it a wagon. My husband thinks this is very funny and has not heard that word used in that context before. Does anyone else use it or was it just my weird family?

It is, in fact the true informal way to say you among equals. Why the actual fuck don't we bring back thou thee thy thine pronouns I fuckin like em and it's almost perfectly suited for us leftists innit?

So, I've been doing these kinds of posts for some years now, every time I reach a new milestone in my musical theatre journey. I started listening to Cast Recordings about three years ago, as I realized that I loved musical theatre but was unable to see most shows with my own eyes. (I live in Mexico, where we rarely get musicals and, if we do, they are translated)

I make this post for those who think that they are unable to enjoy musical theatre from afar. Look where I've come, by just listening to the Cast Recordings! My recommendation is to pay attention to the lyrics. If a musical does its job well, the story will live in its lyrics. It doesn't hurt to check out the Wikipedia page for some guidance. If you can, reading the script along with the cast recording gives a more rounded experience.

I have compiled every musical I've listened to in a list, wherein I also list my favorite songs from the score. Feel free to recommend any more shows, I'm always on the lookout! Also, you can use this as a way to find your next favorite musical!

1. Into The Woods - Prologue or On the Steps of the Palace
2. Oklahoma! - Oh, What a Beautiful Morning! or Oklahoma or The Surrey With The Fringe On Top
3. Sunday In The Park With George - Title Song or It's Hot Up Here
4. Passion - Happiness
5. Heathers - Dead Girl Walking
6. Dear Evan Hansen - Good For You
7. Avenue Q - The Internet is for Porn or There's a Fine, Fine Line
8. Be More Chill - More Than Survive
9. Spring Awakening - The Bitch Of Living or Touch Me
10. Wicked - Defying Gravity or Popular or No Good Deed or The Wizard and I
11. Something Rotten! - Hard To Be The Bard or Right Hand Man or A Musical
12. The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee - The I Love You Song
13. Waitress - She Used To Be Mine or What Baking Can Do or When He Sees Me
14. The Book of Mormon - I Believe
15. The Phantom of the Opera - The Phantom of the Opera or Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again
16. Merrily We Roll Along - Old Friends or Not A Day Goes By or Opening Doors
17. Falsettos - I'm Breaking Down or A Day In Falsettoland
18. The Last Five Years - Moving Too Fast or A Summer in Ohio
19. Matilda The Musical - Miracle or Revolting Children
20. Mean Girls - World Burn
21. Hairspray - It Takes Two or You Can't Stop The Beat
22. 36 Questions - For The Record or We Both
23. Legally Blonde The Musical - So Much Better
24. Les Misérables - On My Own or One Day More!
25. Kinky Boots

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

No, really, it’s somehow entertaining to read almost every post and comment here with all those little wonderful snippets of British language. I am dreaming about living in Yorkshire (I don’t know why, Yorkshire just sounds funny), going into the nearest pub, when pissed on tea, and spilling all those words like “blasphemous, bloody hell, bastard” in various conversations with my lads in a pub, about how Pierce Morgan is a twat. P.S. I even reread all that in most British accent I can imagine

The nurse asked the rabbit, “what is your blood type?”

“I am probably a type O” said the rabbit.

BEGIN-LOG_mat_sar_rig_H.sapiens-001

...coop-test-81_log-01_day-01...

...prep-interview_atmoscomp-Earth...

Ready. Begin Interview

Are you an angel?

Hello. My job is to research human behaviour. Could you tell me a bit about yourself?

Are you an angel?

My job is to research human behaviour. Could you tell me a bit about yourself?

My dad said, people turn into angels when they die. Am I dead?

...Could you tell me a bit about yourself?

I'm Cassie. Am I dead?

Cassie. What does it mean to be dead?

Like, when you can't do anything. You just stop.

Malfunction?

I dunno.

Vitals are normal. You appear to be in no danger of malfunction.

Good. Who are you?

My job is to research human behaviour.

I think you're too boring to be an angel.

Could you tell me a bit about yourself?

Ugh, fine. I'm Cassie Abellard. I'm eight, and I live at forty-one Poplar Street, which is in Benedict.

Is Benedict a human settlement?

Wow, you're really dumb. It's a town.

Where is Benedict?

It's in Yorkshire, which is in England, which is in the UK, which is in Earth, which is in, um, the Milky Way, which is in the Universe. That's the biggest thing. Where are we now?

Do you live with other humans?

I'm eight, stupid.

Do you live with other humans?

YES. My mum, and my brothers. Al is six. Desmond is nineteen and he has a beard.

Prior research indicates humans reproduce sexually. You have already mentioned a father. Could you tell me about him?

...

Prior research indicates-

You already said that. You shouldn't talk about that, it's rude.

My job is to research human behaviour.

I DON'T CARE. Where are we anyway?

Interview room 81.

Where's that?

I do not know.

What are you?

My job is to-

SHUT UP! I didn't even ask that. I said what are you?

I do not know.

Are you a robot?

I do not know.

Wow, you don't know anything.

You are Cassie Abellard, an eight-year-old female human. You live at forty-one Poplar Street in a town called Benedict. You live with three other humans, your mother, Al, and Desmond. Al is six years old. Desmond is nineteen years old and has a beard.

That doesn't count! I told you that. What do you know about yourself?

My job is to research human behaviour.

Idiot. I'm hungry, anyway.

What food do you enjoy?

Ice cream. Once I had coconut ice cream and it was *so

Mentos

(I will see myself out)

What a great win, and it couldn’t have been against a nicer club than Leeds.

Pre-match- Having been stung by the menace that is British public transport repeatedly the last few weeks, I took an earlier train anticipating that it would be chaos again. Of course, it arrived right on time meaning I had 3 hours that I had no idea what to do with. A pint and an extortionately priced bucket of kfc chicken later, I made my way to Tony’s chippy to meet up with my mates. Leeds fans crossed my path multiple times throughout this journey, more on that in a bit. I saw Ricky Hatton outside the chippy when I got there, it’s strange how a man with the power to kill me in a heartbeat can blend into a group of city fans so seamlessly, he wasn’t being surrounded or bothered by anyone at all.

Leeds fans and the match- pockets of Leeds fans were all over town tonight, yelling at pedestrians about how wank manchester is and more obscene topics I won’t get into, more of them aimed at United than city. They were so tough, I wish I was hard enough to yell at normal people minding their own business. More of them were standing outside Mary D’s by the ground trying to goad city fans who were going in. Surprisingly, it was a homeless man who lost his cool before a fan did, wrapped in a sleeping bag, cup of change in hand, he said:

“fuck off you ugly Yorkshire bastards! Where are you in the league you cunts!”

Needless to say he made a healthy profit after saying that. Eventually the police told them to go to the ground and took all of their beers off them, which was really funny. Hope it was worth it lads. At the match itself, atmosphere was good, both sets of fans were vocal in spells and there was a lot of back and forth. Weirdly, Leeds fans only ever sang about how good they think their fans are and how shit ours are, and barely sang a thing about their players or style of play, it’s like they take pride in being obnoxious. Probably cos they’re absolute dogshit to be fair. It didn’t take long for city fans to take the piss in return, singing why the fuck are you still here from 3-0 onwards, and who the put the ball in Leeds’ net, half our fucking team did. It was so satisfying hammering them, I’m glad they had a shit day out.

Quirk of perspective in the ground- I sit behind the goal in the north stand, and there were two innocuous moments which highlighted to me how where you’re sat in the ground affects your experience. Zinchenko’s penalty incident looked absolutely stone

The doctor says it terminal.

To start off, this is not a post where I'm demanding people stop setting off fireworks, I'm just annoyed that people lose all compassion when it comes to fireworks.

Most pet owners find it heartbreaking, seeing their pets have panic attacks, run away or shit themselves out of fear because they are terrified of the explosions. Yet if you so much as raise this issue with anyone, you'll get branded a special snowflake, a killjoy, or get laughed at.

Its really funny how people claim to be animal lovers yet suddenly don't care if their fireworks are literally giving kittens and puppies panic attacks.

On a very sad note, some dogs have actually died from heart attacks during the firework season:

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/puppy-killed-fireworks-dog-heart-attack-south-yorkshire-wombwell-facebook-a9184231.html%3famp

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.newsletter.co.uk/lifestyle/pets/tragic-and-much-loved-dog-dies-from-fright-during-halloween-fireworks-celebrations-3441862%3famp

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/rescue-centre-dogs-cowered-corners-22029981.amp

To end, this is NOT a post demonising those who like fireworks, people can have fun. I'm pointing out the sheer arrogance and heartlessness of people.

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Do your worst!

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Mathematical puns makes me number

We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.