Little known fact: Before the crowbar was invented.

Crows simply drank at home

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πŸ‘€︎ u/72SpaceMan-Spiff
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2022
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I want to die like my grandpa, sleeping peacefully.

Not desperately screaming like the people in the bus he was driving.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lordTigas
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2021
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When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie that’s amore.

When an eel bites your hand, and that's not what you planned, That's a moray.

When paternity tests, lead to ratings success, that’s a Maury.

When our habits are strange, and our customs deranged, That's our mores.

When your horse munches straw, And the bales total four, That's some more hay.

When Othello's poor wife Becomes stabbed with a knife, That's a Moor, eh?

When a Japanese knight Uses his sword in a fight, That's Samurai.

When your sheep go to graze In a damp marshy place, That's a moor, eh?

When your boat comes home fine And you tie up her line, That's a moor, eh?

When you ace your last tests Like you did all the rest, That's some more "A"s!

In New Zealand you see An aborigine, That's a Maori.

Alley Oop's homeland has A space gun with pizzazz, That's a Moo Ray.

A comedian ham, With the name Amsterdam, That's a Morey.

When your chocolate graham, Is so full and so crammed, That s'more, eh.

When you've had quite enough, Of this dumb rhyming stuff, That's "No more!", eh?

But Canadians protest, underrepresented in jest, what’s one more, eh?

β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”-

(Repost of mine from over a year ago. Sorry. I remembered it while stoned and it was funny again. Credit to u/weizguy74 for the Maury line.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ComeAbout
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2021
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Grandma goes to Cold Stone

Took my precious grandparents to Cold Stone for a late night snack. After waiting line, trying many samples and finally ordering and getting our ice cream, my grandma goes to pay. After some searching, she hands the cashier her rewards card and continues to search for her money. After a little more fumbling, she looks up to see the cashier with a funny look on her face and tells my grandma she can't use that card. My grandma is confused and asks, "why, is it expired?" To which the young girl responds, "no, it's just that we're not Ohmaha Steaks."

My grandma is super embarrassed and my grandpa turns to me and says, "it seems your grandma has a case of cardszheimers."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pennyrae
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2016
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Pulled a fast one on my dad.

My dad and I were building a patio for our neighbors. Said it right after I put the last paver in.

Me: Well it looks like this patio is set in stone. Dad: Oh you're a funny guy aren't you?

I have learned from the best.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/civ5ftw
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2014
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