Funny Saturday Puns

I'm not usually one for bars, but since the smoking ban in Illinois, they're not so bad. I'm not much of a drinker either, but this one place in particular offers free soft drinks for designated drivers of groups of three or more. You have to get them from a location separate from the bartender. You declare yourself upon entering the place, then your hand is marked, and from that point, you're not allowed alcohol, but you get the free soft drinks.

Their specialty is their own brand of a mixed fruit drink that's really good. It's popular enough that you're usually standing behind six or seven people to wait your turn. So, Saturday night, while I'm waiting for mine, this cute blonde walks up behind me. I figured I'd try to be witty and asked her, "Can I buy you a drink?"

She scowled at me with, "Well aren't you the funny one?"

"What's with the attitude?" I asked her.

"Sorry," she said. "It's them." And she thumbed toward a table with (would you believe it?) a brunette and a redhead.

"Why?" I asked. "What'd they do?"

"I'm just getting sick of it," she said. "Every time we come here, it's always me in the punch line."

Me and my family went to get our Christmas tree on saturday. It was me (17), my sister (21), my father(49) and my mother(47). We're all trying to find the perfect tree when my sister finds a tree with mushrooms around it.

Sister: "Look! I found mushrooms around this tree!"

Me: "Well we can't get this one, it's infected with fungus."

Dad: "There's a fungus among us!"

Thank you for allowing me to share. I don't know why I found it so funny but he said it without missing a beat. Hope you enjoyed it.