Funny Retail Puns

My first job was at a chain grocery store pharmacy. I had just finished post-graduate hours and had been granted my license. A buddy of mine that went to school was working with me, still trying to finish his post-graduate work. The store was in a well-to-do neighborhood, and the pharmacist we were working with was about 80 years old and had Parkinson Disease. When he got excited or stressed about something the tremors got worse.

My buddy had fallen in love with this well-to-do older woman who came in a lot, we'll call her "Buffy". She dressed to kill, and had enough plastic surgery to have all the right parts in all the right places. One day, Buffy comes in wearing a short skirt, and my buddy just falls all over himself. We listen as Buffy comes up to the consultation window and proceeds to tell the elderly pharmacist about a rash she has on her bottom. At some point she says that she really wants the pharmacist to look at it, and asks to come into the pharmacy department. The elderly pharmacist consents, and Buffy comes around and walks into one of the bays for a little more privacy.

My buddy almost fainted when the next thing we could hear her say is, "I'm not wearing panties, let me lift my skirt and show it to you." I thought I was going to have to restrain him LOL.

The icing on the cake was that the elderly pharmacist turned beet red as he leaned in to get a closer look. About 30 minutes after that, his tremors were so bad that he left early for the day.

I have plenty more, but this was one of my favorites.

Dark Pools are for institutional use ONLY and they direct 71% volume through dark pools. How the price discovery is supposed work??? This whole situation is a clown fest!!!

Before I get bashed I know DRS and IEX help the stocks trajectory but it really sometimes blows my mind knowing there was likely zero retail influence in the stock making major moves up or down. Imagine if people look at the graphs and actually realize this increasing price floor and spikes up to $350 are entirely hedge funds trying desperately to keep a lid on this rocket. It’s such confirmation bias that MOASS is inevitable and they are losing badly.

Disclaimer. This is just my smooth brained opinion. DRS accelerates the inevitable, but my point is that the floor was rising even before DRS picked up. SHF r fuk

I used to work at Marks and Spencer (UK) and was filling the shelves when this Australian guy holding his young son/daughter (I forget now, it was about 6 years ago I think) walks up to me and asks quite abruptly:

"Hey mate you got any chicken tiddies here?"

"Any.. what sorry?"

"Chicken tiddies! You got any chicken tiddies around here?"

"Do you mean like, chicken breasts..? We have those yeah"

"Nah nah mate chicken tiddies! You know the little chicken tiddy bears. Been looking all over for them."

"Ah chicken teddie bears. Not in this shop, we're a smaller shop ao we don't have the full line blah blah.."

I was just bewildered at first, this Aussie was was asking for chicken titties and I didn't know what to say other than point him towards the chicken breast fillets at first.

CNBC sux

That’s it. Enough said.

I haven't worked in retail for a while but I have and can relate to some of these

Artist's 30 Funny Comics That Focus Attention On Everyday Conversations And A Job In Retail | Bored Panda

Rep. Jim A. Himes, my personal hero ¯(°_o)/¯

Any thoughts?

Volatile trading in so-called "meme stocks," assets which draw sudden interest from retail investors amid discussion on social media platforms, has left both hedge funds and retail investors nursing steep losses in recent weeks. The market tumult has drawn the scrutiny of federal and state regulators as well as U.S. lawmakers, who on Thursday grilled executives from online broker Robinhood, market maker Citadel Securities and hedge funds.

In each of three separate statements detailing Friday's trading suspensions, the SEC said "certain social media accounts may be engaged in a coordinated attempt to artificially influence" share prices.

The SEC has been looking at the actions of any and all participants involved in the recent trading. Potential misconduct the SEC is probing, according to its acting chair, includes: market manipulation; whether retail brokers breached fair access rules by restricting buying; the role of hedge funds with short positions in the companies, including whether there was enough data and transparency around their bets; and whether the companies took advantage of the rally to raise funds.

All three securities suspended on Friday saw sudden increases in their share prices and volumes in the absence of any publicly available news, the regulator said. The SEC further cautioned brokers and other dealers to make sure they have complied with investor protection rules when trading resumes.

So basically the SEC is saying we can't talk amongst ourselves in a public forum but it's perfectly fine for MM's to advertise what penny stocks or any stock they recommend essentially pushing the stock that they are recommending.. such hypocritical bullshit