He took this out of his wallet. Apparently he's been caring it around since the 80s: http://imgur.com/ri2NcWR. Making dad jokes before he was even a dad!
http://i.imgur.com/FfF1hYX.jpg
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My friend once told me she watched Regular Show all the time. I said, "I guess you could say you watch it regularly." We are not friends anymore. (True Story)
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I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!
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I wanted to take pictures of the fog this morning… But I mist my chance. I guess I could dew it tomorrow!
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Looks tasty. Gimme a pizza that.
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Why do eggs hate jokes? The answers always crack them up!
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What did the mayonnaise say when somebody opened the refrigerator? "Hey, close the door! I'm dressing!"
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Somebody stole all my lamps…. And I couldn't be more de-lighted!
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I once met a pig that did karate… We called him Pork Chop!
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Coffee has a rough time in our house. It gets mugged every single morning!
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My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve!
(Source For All Puns Except The First) https://bestlifeonline.com/bad-funny-puns/
So my dog was barking at something outside and I was chilling in my recliner. I called her over to me, looked her dead in the eyes and told her she has barkinson’s disease. I then burst out in laughter almost falling out of my chair.
Post: (optical illusion type situation) How many water melons are in this picture?
Everyone else: Numerical guesses.
My dad: "all of them"
The people over at r/funny didn't get it- I hope you guys can appreciate it.
here's a photo of my daughter and me taken with it
http://i.imgur.com/In3hWXC.jpg
Hi Folks, If you are a linguist then I am selling your dream car! I’m selling an Accent, a 2004 Hyundai Accent to be precise. Even if you don’t know a bunch of languages, this car is still great for you.
Just like me, it’s been around the birthday block a few times, but there’s still lots of life left in both of us, I guarantee! If you are looking for the perfect body, seek out a surgeon. If you’re looking for a car that will love you just the way you are, this is it. Now I know what you’re thinking, “I bet this is a junker”, but you’d be wrong. Next to my wife this is the best body I’ve ever had my hands on.
What’s wrong with it mechanically you ask? Nothing! It drives great, A/C & heat still work like a dream, breaks work, transmission shifts good, and the 1.6L engine runs great. With its age, the engine has had some parts replaced. All the belts have recently been changed, that happens with age as I just went up a few sizes myself. The washer fluid pump has been changed because it’s important to be able to have a good cry once in a while. I did an oil change in the summer and depending on how long it takes for this car to finds it’s new match, I will do another in the next month or so.
Since beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I’ll give you a run down of what the interior is like. It’s what’s on the inside that matters anyway right? I am the 3rd owner of this car and the previous owner was a smoker. I don’t believe there is a cigarette smell anymore but the cloth seats do have little holes in them. I mean hey, when you play with fire you get burnt right? The stereo head unit has been replaced with a modern Pioneer as the original just wasn’t in tune with my musical needs as a Dj. The only real problem this pretty young thing has is the passenger rear seatbelt does not retract. Since I have two mini controllers I taxi around, I’ve had car seats in the back and have had no reason to replace the seatbelt yet. A new one is only a cool $250 from Hyundai but will take some time for delivery. There are still 4 working seatbelts in the car so if you’re traveling with another couple, I’m sure they’ll love to cuddle up in the middle and behind you, the driver.
The trunk is spacious enough for the average trunk but just doesn’t work out so well for hauling Dj gear. The rear seats fold as easy a poker player having their bluff called, so it will give you extra room. Not much more that I can think of to tell you about but take a look at the plethora of p
... keep reading on reddit ➡My son was matching the state pictures with their names on the kids menu and says: "Idaho"
Me "Udaho?"
Him "No, Idaho"
My wife catches the conversation and bursts out laughing and our son spends the next five minutes going "What's so funny?"
Repeat the same joke over and over again even though no-one but you finds it funny.
The second rule of Dad Club is:
Repeat the same joke over and over again even though no-one but you finds it funny.
The third rule...well, you get the picture.
The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.
Puns for Kids
Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!
What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!
Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.
What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!
Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.
The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.
How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.
What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!
No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.
Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!
What musical is about a train conductor? “My Fare, Lady”.
A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
What animals are on legal documents? Seals!
Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!
Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.
Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!
How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
Dockyard: A physician’s garden.
What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!
The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.
“What’s purple and 5000 miles long?” “Ooh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!”
Every calendar’s days are numbered.
This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. “Four bucks,” says the bartender. “Put it on my bill.”
I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!
When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When he’s a dandelion (dandy lion).
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.
A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is
... keep reading on reddit ➡"Customer asked me if I wanted to see a picture of his pride and joy."
I take no credit, found on r/funny.
I'm not sure where else to post this but I hope this is the right place.
A close girl friend of mine is a fine artist that specializes in greeting cards with funny/cute puns/lines on the front and since I am moving away in December I wanted to create a Christmas or Thank You card one for her. Some examples are Bonne Fett (with a picture of Boba Fett holding balloons, and You R2 Cute (with a picture of R2D2 and a heart). Essentially she does a lot of cultural references that can be put onto a greeting card.
The two things she loves in this world are Egg McMuffins and Chinese Coconut buns. Could I get some help coming up with a Christmas/Thank you Puns using one of those ideas I can put on a card?
Thanks so much!
Me: We have a short deadline, will you please help ensure this gets done on time for our client?
Subordinate: Alright, GenAric, I am going to be rushin' to get this done.
Me: Well, you can be Russian... I prefer to stay American.
Subordinate: Did I just get dad joked?
Me: grin
I texted the picture making fun of Rihanna's Birthday cake lyrics from /r/funny and he responded:
"Cake can be deep, depending on how many layers."
Saw this picture on the frontpage
Read this comment: http://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/2je1ry/weather_girl_wore_green_dress_to_work/claurx3
I saw this picture on the front page and had I had to send it to my dad. This is his e-mail response.
"Hey, Konceptz
Holiday greetings vary. Summer funny. Others try to spring a trap on the reader. Of course, that works best on people who will fall for anything. My Mom always told me that when I winter the mailbox to be careful for booby traps.
See son, I'm trying to look out for you. Hope you have a great Christmas!"
Quite dadstardly of him...
