https://imgur.com/gallery/6xrn4EV
This is bob 🙂. Bob has no arms. Knock knock. Who’s there? It isn’t bob.
Unless he used his head
But it would take 2 weeks to see if you got it.
is that a romantic jester?
Times new ramen!
I was playing with our toddler when for whatever reason Humpty Dumpty popped in my head. I started trying to think of a funny rhyme about Dumpty cracking open and being unable to pay for US medical care and thus now lives a pain-addled, poor life. Yeah, idk.
Anyway, I couldn’t think of the original second half of the rhyme and so I asked my wife. She told me the rhyme and I said thanks. After a short silence goes by she goes,
“What are you doing, trying to think of another lame dad yolk?”
I didn’t know my son had two dads but I know now
Edit: typos
Because it got mugged
Homer: gimme the money
Guy at the bank: Give you the what?
Homer: d’oh!!!
And das not good.
All credit for this joke goes to /u/Xiphers's Mom. I tried cross posting it here to give full credit to OP, but this sub only allows text posts. Here's the original post: https://old.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/bxeoqo/my_mom_has_a_board_with_attachable_letters_and/?ref=share&ref_source=link
The fourth album is often the best.
Credit to the original submitters. Thanks for keeping me funny, dads.
EDIT: Black Sabbath, Paranoid, Master of Reality
Hi Folks, If you are a linguist then I am selling your dream car! I’m selling an Accent, a 2004 Hyundai Accent to be precise. Even if you don’t know a bunch of languages, this car is still great for you.
Just like me, it’s been around the birthday block a few times, but there’s still lots of life left in both of us, I guarantee! If you are looking for the perfect body, seek out a surgeon. If you’re looking for a car that will love you just the way you are, this is it. Now I know what you’re thinking, “I bet this is a junker”, but you’d be wrong. Next to my wife this is the best body I’ve ever had my hands on.
What’s wrong with it mechanically you ask? Nothing! It drives great, A/C & heat still work like a dream, breaks work, transmission shifts good, and the 1.6L engine runs great. With its age, the engine has had some parts replaced. All the belts have recently been changed, that happens with age as I just went up a few sizes myself. The washer fluid pump has been changed because it’s important to be able to have a good cry once in a while. I did an oil change in the summer and depending on how long it takes for this car to finds it’s new match, I will do another in the next month or so.
Since beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I’ll give you a run down of what the interior is like. It’s what’s on the inside that matters anyway right? I am the 3rd owner of this car and the previous owner was a smoker. I don’t believe there is a cigarette smell anymore but the cloth seats do have little holes in them. I mean hey, when you play with fire you get burnt right? The stereo head unit has been replaced with a modern Pioneer as the original just wasn’t in tune with my musical needs as a Dj. The only real problem this pretty young thing has is the passenger rear seatbelt does not retract. Since I have two mini controllers I taxi around, I’ve had car seats in the back and have had no reason to replace the seatbelt yet. A new one is only a cool $250 from Hyundai but will take some time for delivery. There are still 4 working seatbelts in the car so if you’re traveling with another couple, I’m sure they’ll love to cuddle up in the middle and behind you, the driver.
The trunk is spacious enough for the average trunk but just doesn’t work out so well for hauling Dj gear. The rear seats fold as easy a poker player having their bluff called, so it will give you extra room. Not much more that I can think of to tell you about but take a look at the plethora of p
... keep reading on reddit ➡
One that puts in the thyme
PROBS NOT ORIGINAL I THINK IT'S FUNNY
Cause its il-eagle
I saw it with my own eyes
Originally posted on r/funny
One day at a US immigration office, a man walked in seeking citizenship. The desk clerk began the usual questioning: "name, occupation, country of origin"? The man replied, " Juan Martinez, illusionist, Mexico".
During the process Juan made small talk and displayed his talent as an illusionist. The clerk found him to be a charming, funny, and charismatic man, which put the normally grouchy clerk in a great mood!
The clerk was so enamored by Juan, he let him skip the formalities and allowed him straight into the US.
After Juan left, a coworker asked the clerk why he would allow a man to just walk in to the US. To which the clerk responded...
"For once in my long career working in immigration, I was truly amazed and entertained by a potential citizen, so I decided to waive a magic Juan"!
From the original post title:
> My 3 year old made me run up the stairs after yelling, "Dada! There's a sea of water on the counter!"
But Im alright nooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
This was the original my parents used to say years ago. One day when I was 13 or so my dad came out with the following
"I once was a werewolf, but now Im alriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigggggghhhhhhhttt!!
Caused a few face palms but damn funny. Still dont know if he meant to do it or not
So it's my first time posting but I'm a big fan of dadjokes and love to drop them myself, this is the first time one felt original/funny enough to post.
I was in the kitchen while my girlfriend was frying bacon, I tried to sneak over and try to eat a small piece of raw bacon. She stops me, and I complain that I want to try.
She asks me, "Do you want salmonella?" I look at her and say, "I definitely don't want Sam and I don't even know who Ella is" She groaned, it felt like a huge success.
