Just mean, but funny
πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AisianToenail
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do people love Dad jokes? I mean they're only funny when they're apparent...
πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Syclus
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Double meanings can be funny, except when not really
πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mehchinegun
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a piece of paper that isn't moving?

Stationary

πŸ‘︎ 134
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Entire-Slice-6649
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2023
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Expect cavities if you're alone
πŸ‘︎ 773
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2023
🚨︎ report
Why did the sheep computer have difficulty multiplying?

Not enough ram

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FruitMcVeg
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2023
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What’s wrong with β€œpi R square”?

Pie are round; cake are square

πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2023
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There once was a King who was only 12 inches tall...

He was a terrible leader, but he made a great ruler.

πŸ‘︎ 119
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OctoberFire1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2023
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Why is a male hippopotamus not called a hippopotamister?
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2023
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What do you call a couple of dudes hanging out by the window?

Kurt & Rod.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Static-Unit
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2023
🚨︎ report
The guy who stole my dictionary just died.

I have no words to say how I'm feeling.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/light_keksi
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2023
🚨︎ report
What’s the highest rank in a popcorn army ?

A kernel.

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SaturnSunRoof
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2023
🚨︎ report
My wife said I'm the only one she's been with.

The rest have been 9's and 10's.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigBubbaMac
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2023
🚨︎ report
what do you call an irish girl with one leg?

Ilean

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2023
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What do you call a prehistoric vegetable?

A tri-carrot-ops

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Late-Passion2067
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2023
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I find the sides of people's heads kind of strange and unsettling, don't you?

I mean, they're just sort of eary

I doubt this is funny to read, but feel free to tell it and see how it works.
Report back any substantial laughs if you do, OK?

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/frank_mania
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2023
🚨︎ report
What is a 4 letter word…

that could mean literally anything.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/corvettele
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2023
🚨︎ report
I just graduated as a Veterinarian. my first patient was a cat who said "Meow"

I said "I know. But where?"

πŸ‘︎ 889
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Unikatze
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2022
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Saw this beauty on r/technicallythetruth
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2022
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Why pediatrician is angry all the time?

He has very little patients.

πŸ‘︎ 86
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tixed
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2022
🚨︎ report
Did you know that Adolf Hitler wore glasses?

It’s true. Without them he could Nazi

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Past-Coat1438
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2022
🚨︎ report
Wife: I put the cereal in the fridge instead of the milk.

Me: I didn't know you liked Frosted Flakes

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RizzyJ10
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2022
🚨︎ report
How does kayne tie his shoes?

With little knotsies

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Golden5StarMan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2022
🚨︎ report
My wife told me to stop and grab her 6 sprites.

Accidentally picked 7 up

πŸ‘︎ 766
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twaynesty
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2022
🚨︎ report
Laugh bitch
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Abbas_Noorani
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2022
🚨︎ report
A list of over 350 Dad Jokes!

Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.

3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.

5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.

A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.

A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. β€œI’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,” it says. β€œSorry, but I can’t serve you,” the bartender replies. β€œYou’re out of your head.”

A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'

A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.

A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. β€œWe don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender says. β€œWhy not?” one yogurt asks. β€œWe’re cultured.”

A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.

A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.

A guy walks into a bar, and there’s a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, β€œWhat are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?” The guy says, β€œIt’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”

A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, β€œWhat’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, β€œArrr! I’ve got a Bounty on me head!”

A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, β€œI don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

Armed robbersβ€”some say they’re a drain on society, but you’ve got to give it to them.

Barbers…you have to take your hat off to them.

Can February March? No, but April May!

Cooking out this weekend? Don’t forget the pickle. It’s kind of a big dill.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.

Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.

Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!

Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.

Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. There’s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewis… Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?

Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!

Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bugasum
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2022
🚨︎ report
in most states when you lose your khakis it means you lost your pants

In Boston it means you can't drive

πŸ‘︎ 261
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Loose-Farm-8669
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2022
🚨︎ report
I made a hybrid laxative and edible

It’s called Shits and Giggles

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Technically_No234
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2022
🚨︎ report
Okay, I guess I'll post this. I was pretty stoned so my apologies if it is super dumb. Requested by another user after the Pringle one.
πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DanyStormborn87
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2022
🚨︎ report
Ask me if I'm a rope..

You: "are you a rope?" Me: "Frayed knot"

Ba-da-bum, chi.

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/almafinklebottom
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2022
🚨︎ report
I ordered Chinese food and they forgot to give me a fortune cookie.

How unfortunate.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CheetoSantana
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2022
🚨︎ report
9/11 jokes are just not funny.

Because they always come crashing down.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Elzector
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2022
🚨︎ report
A couple of one liners, dad jokes, and anti-jokes I got from my stepdad.

1.) A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of three. He says, β€˜Uno, dos…” and poof! He disappeared without a tres.

2.) I use mucho with my Spanish friends.... it means a lot to them.

3.) Q. Why does Michael J Fox make the finest milkshakes? A. He uses the finest ingredients

4.) Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

5.) People who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders.

6.) Communist jokes aren’t funny unless everyone gets them.

7.) I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.

8.) Q. What’s brown and sticky? A. A stick

9.) Q. What’s slippery and a foot long A. A slipper

I’ve got more but I don’t want this post to be too long so I’ll leave it at that. If I get enough upvotes I’ll call up my stepdad for more. Let me know which are you’re favourites.

πŸ‘︎ 756
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yogurt-Sandurz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you get if you drop a piano down a mineshaft?

A flat minor

πŸ‘︎ 429
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spinach_Stock
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2021
🚨︎ report
where do hippopotomusses go to medical school?

...on the hippocampus!

Its not that funny but my 2yo thinks its the funniest thing hes ever heard and makes me re tell him 10 times a day. He has no idea what it means but he likes the sounds and tone. Tbats the magic of a dad joke. Ive only got a few years left of this before they turn into groans

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mitcheg3k
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2022
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my first dad joke today.

I didn't even mean to make a dad joke, apparently after seven years of being a dad, it just starts to happen.

I was installing some shelves up on the walls over my computer desk. Having just finished marking the walls where I was going to insert the screws, I was now installing the brackets onto the boards.

From behind me, I heard my wife say, "How's it going?"

Me: "Well, it's shellfish."

Wife: "It's what?"

Me: "Shellfish. I'm still putting the mounting brackets on, so it's not a shelf yet. It's shelf-ish. Shellfish."

At least my daughter thought it was funny.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/odins_left_eye
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2014
🚨︎ report
What did the drummer name his daughter?

Anna 1 Anna 2

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_ANDREA_06
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2022
🚨︎ report
I went to the grocery to buy lettuce.

I wanted to get a head.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RemnantReturning
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2022
🚨︎ report
I came up with a great dad joke on the fly tonight! we are having dinner with family for my wife's birthday, and she asks if I would like a wine

I responded, "no thx, you do enough whining for the both of us".

Her dad love it, I thought ya'll might as well

Edit: I literally make puns 80% of the time and my wife also smiled knowing I was kidding.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/B2TheFree
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2022
🚨︎ report
I'm friends with a lot of Chinese guys.

But I don't know Who.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ May 26 2022
🚨︎ report
If I had a Delorean, I would probably only drive it from time to time.
πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/theholmesian
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 90
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report

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