My sister asked my pop to pass the seafood at the dinner table.

I have a scrawny, little, younger sister and we always have a seafood buffet for Christmas dinner.

Sister: "Hey, dad can you pass me the shrimp and I want some mussels too please?"

Dad: "Here's the shrimp, for mussels you're gonna have to go to a gym and do some exercising" [continues eating his food without ever passing the mussels]

Sister: "Hey, dad....."

Pops: "Hay is for horses, this is seafood."

This was especially funny due to the fact that he kept a poker face the entire time and never made eye contact with my sister, being completely serious and never cracking a smile. These exchanges happen at least 7X a day.

👍︎ 176
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📅︎ Dec 30 2013
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At the gym on a date with a lawyer

We had finished squats and were moving on to the next exercise. I told her:

Your Honor, I request permission to approach the bench.

She didn't find it as funny as I did.

👍︎ 11
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📅︎ Sep 10 2014
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