Uno.
To say hello from the other side
And she responded, “yes, I am a small business owner”
My mom (who's English isn't the best), needs help finding a funny title for a poster advertising cold food (during what is currently the hot season where I'm living).
Reddit, do your thing!
Edit: the things being selled are gaspacho (Italian soup)(?), Lemonade, and Ice cream
I can’t say I do.
It feels like it’s only a matter of time and it’s driving me cuckoo!
Hi guys, I need to change my username online (mostly used in games) as it's not really something unique ( came from a book I read when I was younger ).
I'm trying to find something quite funny, with plays on words for example. But english isn't my native language and I find it quite hard ! So I'm asking you guys to help me :) You're the best for that imho !
If you could help me find something mixing music (percussions/drums), sciences (my field of study, physics to be more precise), beer and animals maybe (?) (because I like that !)
I think this is possible to find something using some science-specific noun and something else. But I can't seem to find one that suits me :(
So last night we were brushing our teeth before going to bed, and I ask her "You know why eating a clock is a bad idea?"
She looks at me funny, because she knows what's coming.
"Because it's very time consuming."
She just rolls her eyes, and goes to bed. But because the joke was in English, and English isn't our first language, I think she didn't quite get it.
A minute after she lies down, I hear a loud groan coming out of bed, followed by "that was really, really lame, honey!"
Well this was a little embarrassing as she is rarely funny. Anyway, I have been off work a lot over winter with chest infections and colds thanks to my asthma and the shitty English 'winter'.
She suggested I move back up north where the air is better, and I said that no, "I need to move abroad with my chest."
Her response: "What about the rest of you?"
I got schooled.
Background:
My dad recently retired and has since gotten a new favorite joke that he tells everyone who calls to congratulate him with his retirement.
The pun doesn't really work in english(I'm danish), but I thought I would share it anyway. This is how it usually goes:
Caller: How are you holding up? are you enjoying your spare time?
Dad: I actually just started my pHD
Caller: What? Wow
Dad: Pensioner every day
(In danish It would be: Pentionist hver dag, hence the PhD)
It's not funny at all, but he loves it and tells it to everyone
A lot of Hungarians and a few Romans lining up with me (alone) at the terminal. I can hear that they speak English, they're all murmuring to each other. At the last second our terminal gets changed and we have to leave the airplane we were lined up to board behind. Instead we walk down another terminal that leads to some stairs that leads onto a bus.
We all pack in, I'm positioned somewhere in the middle of the masses when I announce "This is a funny looking airplane!"
EVERYONE looks at me. Not a smile. Not a smirk. Nothing.
I crack up laughing at how funny I am.
OK, yesterday was my sons 6th birthday and he wanted some sort of dog-robot for present but i didnt want to trow money away because i know what they (he and second son) do with toys :) so i told my wife that i would buy him skateboard, because he asked it half-year ago for it, wife said ok, but please buy him also new slippers.
I picked up him from nursery and sit him in his seat and asked him what he want for present, he still wanted robot. Then i told him that i want to buy him something he can ride. He was so exited, he asked me is that a car, i said " can u drive", he said "no, i am too yung", then he asked is that motorbyke, i replayed same, then he asked is that bike, i aksed him, does he already have bike, and he replayed yes, alse happend for scooter. After that he didnt have any more ideas. Then i told him that i will bought him slippers, because u ride slippers (sords of it :D) he was so angry/mad/sad i cant explan :D
ofc i bought him skateboard, but that was so funny for me, that look on his face when he heard slippers, omg
sry for grammar and bad english
It's not really funny, but it's one I've heard from my dad. And also English isn't my first language.
Two brothers were going over country border in two cars. The first brother was so drunk that he was crying. The border police stopped him, took his ID and asked him why was he crying. He said that his dad has died, they said their condolences and let him go. Then they stopped his brother, took his ID and saw that they have the same last name. They said their condolences to him and he looked at them like he had no idea what they were talking about. They saw that and asked him if his dad has died and he said 'Yeah but 20 years ago.'
This was quite a while ago, I was probably in middle school (currently 26). My family took a quick day trip to Universal Studios Hollywood since we live in the greater LA area. Now to set the scene, my dad is a native of Mexico but has lived here since his late teens so his English is pretty good with a tinge of an accent since Spanish is his primary language. We park in the parking garage on property and we do the usual "make a mental note of where we parked for later". That's when I see a smirk come across his face as he turns to me laughing under his breath.
-"What's so funny?"
-"Notice where we parked?"
-"Yeah. Jurassic Park lot, 3B"
Cue dad
-"Jurassic Park..." half expecting me to laugh. He continues "Jurassic Park... Jurr-Ass-is-Parked"
facepalm
As terrible as it was at the time, I've tried to pull this joke out with friends years later, eye rolls and crickets. Thanks dad.
Do you know what the 3 rings of marriage are? Engagement Ring Wedding Ring and Suffering
The shortest sentence in the English language is "I am." The longest is "I Do"
My parents are happily married, I found them funny though.
