Funny Caramel Puns

haha this is so funny i actually almost spit out my vriska caramel frappuccino with very thicc vriska milk exactly 2 1/2 cups of vriska with 4 vriska drizzles, 6 1/2 pump of vriska drizzle, 3 vriska shots mixed in, extra vriska cream, as well as birthday cake vriska mixed in with a bit of vriska on top, vriska chips, vriska flakes, pump of vriska, one pump of vriska, vriska slices mixed in, vriska shavings on the bottom, vriska dolce and just a pinch of vriska powder, not to mention my vriska dough cake vriskas with a pump of vriska, all mixed with two vriskas on top

I am number three.

Well, technically number four, because Juliet was a wife once, before she slit her wrists in the old shed behind the house and filled the wheelbarrow with her blood. We don’t like to talk about it. Hell, I hardly knew her. Roland and I had only just been engaged when she did the deed. Rumor has it he dumped the blood out the wheelbarrow into the river, hosed it down, and tucked it back in the shed for another day. It was a casual affair, as suicides go. We bowed our heads and blessed her grave and continued on, the three of us and Roland.

Madeline is the first wife. I can see why Roland picked her first. Her voice sends a shiver down my spine, in a good type of way -- like warm caramel falling from her lips with every syllable. She’s tall and lean, and her long auburn hair spills over her shoulder and touches her waist like a waterfall. We just found out she’s pregnant. Roland is pleased.

Penelope is the second. She’s a bit angry and brash, but a talented seamstress and one hell of a cook. She’s short and fit, and always on the move…a constant boiling pot on the verge of spilling over, as she busies herself with chores and cooking and cleaning and yardwork and anything else she can get her hands on. Roland looks fondly upon her, dubbed her his “worker bee”. I have a sneaking suspicion that Penny does these things to avoid contact with our husband, but I don’t tell Roland that.

And there’s me. I’m Annette. I’m not beautiful like Madeline, or a jack-of-all-trades like Penny. In an…anticlimactic sort of fashion, Roland wed me because I can play the piano, and he likes to listen to a song or two as he falls asleep. This makes Penny laugh -- she calls him a baby listening to nursery rhymes behind his back. It makes me laugh too, but everytime my fingers touch the keys, I curse my childhood self for taking an interest in the arts.

Polygamy is the norm where I come from. If this was just about our day to day adventures, this wouldn’t be much of a story, and certainly not a scary one (unless you count Roland’s godawful greasy beard and unspoken foot fetish frightening, which is fair, in all honesty).

The plot lies in wife number four…er, technically five. It’s no secret why Roland chose to marry Zinnia…it’s because she’s an enigma, a puzzle to be solved, and a man like Roland can let no woman deceive him. I think he has this weird fantasy of taming a broken woman, like some kind of hero or knight. Free her from her demons by slipping

I am an opener. This isn't so much a rant as it is a funny thing I notice customers do...

My first order of the day was 3 grande in a venti coffees with extra extra cream, extra caramel drizzle, and 18 sugar in the raw packets each. I wanted to cry at the prospect of opening 54 sugar packets. Upon hearing the order I suggested she get a blonde roast since the flavor would be lighter. She was horrified at the suggestion and "wanted to taste the coffee" and asked for a dark roast instead. Despite asking for extra cream, she said that she didn't want the coffee to be white in color, however by the time I got the proportions to her liking it was likely a tall in a venti coffee with the rest cream, but she said color was fine. I offered to steam the cream for the last two drinks since there was so much cream that the coffee was now cold, but she didnt want that either. By the time I finished getting all the sugar packets in the drinks quite a line hard formed and I'm sure the other customers we're getting annoyed that I was thing so long.

Afterwards, I stood there watching her take a sip and grimace at her cold, sugary misto, but she insisted it was fine. I don't understand why customers do this to themselves. With the amount of cream and sugar she got, her coffee was not exactly healthy, lukewarm at best, and had hardly any caffeine. At that point it seems like she'd have been better off getting a frap that she'd actually enjoy. I dont get it.

##The Basics

>Age: 28

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>Gender Identity: G (Goddess) & F (Female)

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>Location: Chicago

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>Occupation & Industry: Creative / Tech

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>Individual Income: ~$150k

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>Household Income: ~ $300k

##The Reps

>When did you join RepLadies? I can’t remember exactly, but it’s probably been atleast a year, so ~ 2020/mid-2021

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>How did you find RepLadies? I was searching on reddit for luxury communities and happened to stumble upon this group.

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>Were you familiar with reps before RL? Did you have a positive, neutral or negative view on reps beforehand? I was not familiar with RL beforehand

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>How many reps do you own? What categories do you typically buy? I own ~ 10 or so rotating reps, and I usually 50% handbags, 30% shoes, and 20% SLG & occasional jewelry

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>Family photo time: share which reps are in your collection! Family Photo I am super grateful to say these are all from being repfluenced from this group!

• Shoes: These are all from Fishy and I love them all, so much so I immediately ordered some Oran sandals and more of the Princeton furry mules to have a back-up pair in case my mom wants mine 😂. I’ll be doing a comparison with the upgraded God factory Chanel dad sandals (all black) with my authentic ones in the same exact colorway, stoked for this one!
• Bags: All Chanel 19’s from Ivy, Iridescent 26cm is from Xiao Jiu factory, Rose 26cm is from Anna Factory, and 30cm Caramel is from OF Factory. I have another 26cm Caramel from OF and 26cm upgraded black from Xiao C coming in the mail 😅
• Coats: I honestly wasn’t expecting this to happen, though I’ve fallen in love with the coats from Max. I’ve gotten 2 of the Teddy Coats in Caramel & Pink, both size XS and they are perfectly generously oversized for my 5’2” frame. I ADORE them!!! I also have 2 of the Labbro 100% Cashmere and they are incredibly lush and warm. I also have a Rialto which is my least favorite material to be honest though still really nice, style-wise it is indeed very flattering and perfect.
• SLG and accessories: None this time, though I have a few card holders from Panda factory, my first belt, and a pair of earrings and a necklace coming in next order :)

>About how much have you spent on reps? Hmm, I do a lot of resale with clothing, authenti

Hope everyone had a happy holidays, another chapter from u/eruwenn and myself to start the new year.

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Alex stared at the drinks cabinet built into the wall of the Jakobs' apartment. She shifted on the sofa, though it was exceedingly comfortable already, and tried to swallow. Her fingers fought for purchase on themselves as she did her best to ignore the fact that her mouth was too dry, but in frustration she sprang to her feet and began pacing around the small coffee table. On her second round of the smoked glass table, her left foot pinged against an empty soft drink can.

She looked down at the halo of junk food wrappers and empty cans that surrounded the sofa she had slept on since Sam had left. There was no satisfaction left in this substitute vice she had attempted to cultivate, and she was craving something more satisfying.

The young protégée had focused on her work and thus sailed through the first few days without issue, but as time ticked by the craving had begun to whisper its siren song in the back of her mind. Over the last few days it had grown, swelling and morphing into an angry, screaming troll that demanded alcohol and was not happy with taking no for an answer. If it hadn't been for the company of the others, she might have given in immediately. As it was, they were at school today. Without her.

She had called in sick, of course, unable to focus on much of anything without something to steady her fraught nerves. Boredom and loneliness were poor company. Her hands fidgeted, seeking the tumbler and its familiar reward. More than anything, she wanted to feel the warmth flooding her body and melting away this unbearable tension.

The cabinet drew her gaze once more, and its locked state wasn't much of a barrier. She knew the keycode, and she walked over to tap the small screen. Glowing blue numbers lit up beneath her shaking fingers, and she entered the first number in the sequence. Then she paused for what felt like a long moment, finally hitting cancel and letting her arms fall to her side.

“That’s probably a good idea.” Choco’s voice came from behind her, and Alex spun in shock, reaching for a sidearm that wasn’t there. He placed his diplomatic case down by the side of the couc

We just got a brand new female orange cat and am looking for name suggestions!

The current names of our other cats are:

• Oreo (He is black and white like the cookie)
• Buttons (Came with the name and didn’t end up changing it)

Previous names of out cats have been:

• Toledo (After the city in Ohio)
• Trigger (Thought it was cute)
• Lexus
• Caramel (She was the color of Caramel)

After a bit of a survey this time around we are looking for a funny name or an acronym name. Her current name is Amy but we are not really too fond of that so your names would be greatly appreciated!!

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Hi everybody!! I've been fully obsessed with indies for the last year (this community saved me from going crazy in this pandemic!) and have started to amass quite the collection - particularly from my #1 favorite house, Solstice Scents. I totally get why the brand is so well-loved here. The aesthetic, the blends, everything about Solstice just does it for me. I've got the best hit rate with them, bar none. At least of the houses I've tried so far. I've been meaning to do this for a while but I just keep collecting more samples 😅

A bit about my tastes - I'm a certified vanilla freak. I also love woods, green scents, atmospherics, ambers, gourmands...the list goes on. I'm open to a lot. My biggest death notes are licorice, marshmallow, and red musk.

I'm rating everything according to my own personal taste and wearability. Everything I've tried is very well blended, true to description, and would work for someone. I have a mix of EDPs and oils, I'll indicate which I have for each. If I've got a scent in both formats I'll write how they differ. The longevity for all of these is about the same between oils and EDPs, btw. 3-4 hours for oils and 5-6 hours for EDP, unless otherwise specified. All right, buckle up, people. Here we go!

-Cardamom Rose Sugar (Brown Sugar, Cardamom EO, Moroccan Rose, and Bulgarian Rose) I hate to start off on a bad note (no pun intended) but this is one of the few scents that did not work for me at all. I found the rose to be metallic and sharp, mixed with cloying maple syrup. The cardamom is there and it is SPICY. It's spot-on, I think I just like the smell of cardamom + rose + sugar less than I thought I would. I have this in oil format. 4/10

-Conjure (Vanilla, Amber, Cedar, Spices, & Cauldron Smoke) The ultimate Stevie Nicks-long-hair-flowing-dress-casting spells scent. When I first got it it was nothing but a baby powder bomb, as I had read in other reviews. I heeded the advice of just leaving it alone for ~6 weeks and this baby transformed. It went from one note powder to a layered, perfectly balanced witch scent. And it keeps getting better with age! The spices are punchy, mostly allspice. Not too heavy on clove. The smoke is subtle and not BBQ at all. It dries down to a slightly powdery amber/woody vanilla. I love it but I don't reach for it much, honestly. I wear it when I do rituals or dress like Stevie 😂 I have this in oil. 8/10

-Foxcroft *(Decaying Leaves, Rich Black Soil, Dry Leaves, Fall Air

For dinner last night I had a bowl of fresh-from-the-box mac and cheese, a supermarket bag salad (20% off!), and an off-brand light beer. I enjoyed this gourmet feast on a tray in front of the T.V., because Terminator 2 was on. I tell you this so that you will understand that I am not, in any sense, a part of the high-end food world.

My fiancé, on the other hand, was. Rosalie self-identified as a ‘Foodie’ (ugh) and slept with a copy of ‘Salt Fat Acid Heat’ on her nightstand. She was constantly scouring local markets for the freshest ingredients and newest combinations. She didn’t mind ingredient lists a mile long or dishes that took time to make; cooking was her Zen, and the kitchen was her temple. That meant, of course, that we also had to make holy pilgrimages to the hottest restaurants.

I didn’t share my Rosalie’s passion for food, but we shared just about everything else. Different as we were, we were both willing to learn and grow, together. I’ve never had that with anyone else, and I wonder if I ever will again. You see, my fiancé Rosalie died a few months ago.

I was a mess for weeks after. I soon realized I needed to say goodbye to Rosalie in a way that a closed casket and a few hollow words hadn’t provided. I decided to try an experience that had been Rosalie’s last obsession: eating at a dark restaurant.

If you don’t know, the concept of a dark restaurant is that by depriving the diner of their sight, they are able to focus more fully on their sense of taste. Some say it's gimmicky, some say it's science. I just thought it might be a way to find closure and move on with my life.

The only “dark restaurants” I could find were hundreds of miles from the mid-sized city where I lived. Not only that, but a lot of them looked incredibly expensive and pretentious as well. If there’s one thing I learned visiting taco trucks with Rosalie, it was that price was no guarantee of quality. Not only that, but often the restaurants that focused the most on appearances cut corners in other areas--like treatment of the staff, for instance. And stressed, underpaid workers often cut corners themselves, just to get through the day. Rosalie used to say that some places were so toxic you could feel it as soon as you walked in the door.

Taking care of Rosalie’s old belongings was hard. I sorted through her stuff a little at a time--partly to lose myself in the memories, partly because I didn’t have the stomach for much more. I knew that once I’d sealed up

I’m not a hundred percent sure this fits here, and this isn’t a story about me, but rather my mother. I just recently remembered this story and thought it might give someone a chuckle. The story takes place about a decade ago in an extremely Hispanic mall. My mother is a Mexican woman with black hair and caramel like skin. My stepdad is a white man with blue eyes and brown hair. Funny enough, my half brother came out looking just like his father. My mother was in her mid twenties at this Hispanic mall with my younger brother in a stroller window shopping. Suddenly a Hispanic woman in her mid forties came up to my mother and said,” Hi, I used to be a nanny for many years. I just wanted to give you some advice. As a nanny, you need to be extremely gentle and careful with white peoples children. The parents can be really sensitive, and sometimes plain out stupid.” My mother while attempting to process what this well meaning woman had said, simply said thanks, smiled, and kept going about her day.

haha this is so funny i actually almost spit out my venti caramel frappuccino with non fat coconut milk exactly 2 1/2 cups of sugar with 4 chocolate drizzles, 6 1/2 pump of caramel drizzle, 3 espresso shots mixed in, extra whipped cream, as well as birthday cake pop mixed in with a bit of strawberries on top, chocolate chips, coconut flakes, pump of vanilla, one pump of hazelnut, banana slices mixed in, chocolate shavings on the bottom, cinnamon dolce and just a pinch of matcha powder, not to mention my cookie dough cake pop with a pump of peppermint, all mixed with two cherries on top

haha this is so funny omg i almost spit out my venti caramel frappuccino with non fat coconut milk exactly 2 1/2 cups of sugar with 4 chocolate drizzles, 6 1/2 pumps of caramel drizzle, 3 espresso shots mixed in, extra whip cream, as well as birthday cake pop mixed in with a bit of strawberries on top, chocolate chips, coconut flakes, pump of vanilla, one pump of hazelnut, banana slices mixed in, chocolate shavings coating the bottom, cinnamon dolce and just a pinch of matcha powder.