My senior year in undergrad, I was taking biochem lab with about 8 other students. One of the students tended to struggle in lab big time, and this story was told to me by the TA right after it happened because he couldn't believe the conversation he had just had with one of my classmates. Here's how the story went down, we'll call the struggling student SS for short:
SS: Hi TA, do we have anymore white crystalline solid? I'm all out for this experiment.
TA: Hi SS, this is biochemistry lab, we use lots of white crystalline solids in here. Could you be more specific?
SS: Yes, I need more nackle for my experiment.
TA: Nackle? What's nackle? I'm not sure I'm familiar with that chemical, could you spell it for me?
SS: Sure NaCl, nackle.
TA walked away and brought me in the hall and started dying laughing and brought me up to speed.
My heart stopped beating for four minutes when I was fifteen.
I had been involved in a car accident and my body was broken beyond repair. As I bled out on the asphalt road, I took what I thought to be my final ragged breaths and my heart took its final beats. Then the sounds of the sirens and people talking, screaming and moving all turned into one ugly mixture of sound that swirled away like water down a drain. The same thing happened to my vision with the world turning into a viscous water colour painting, the blobs of colour eventually warping into blackness.
In the end, I was alone in utter darkness. I could not hear, see or feel. It was as if I was sleeping deeply. My internal voice, the monologue of my thoughts; even that had disappeared. My thoughts were wordless and voiceless.
Then like water dripping from a leaky tape, the feeling of my body came back to me, along with my senses. The darkness inched back to give way to a small room of complete grey. The floor, ceiling and walls were all the grey of concrete on a hot day and even the square source of light on the ceiling seemed to wash my body in a ghastly grey glow. I looked down and realised that my body had been healed of all it’s injuries, and I was only wearing flowing black robes that fit exactly to my figure. The robes felt more like a baggy swimsuit with the way they clung to my body. Down at my feet, I was wearing some sort of leather shoes
After overcoming the intial shock of death, I began to rationalise my situation. Was this Hell? Heaven? In Between? The overwhelming grey and mundane room gave no clues to its purpose. In my mind, I expected the stereotypical tunnel with the light at the end; the angel guiding you and judging you but this was different.
Time ticked away but not a single thing changed about the room. I began to consider an eternity in this small room and suddenly the walls felt like they were closing in on me. My heart began to hammer away at my chest, which surprised me, as I didn’t really expect to have a pulse.
I was dead
Somehow this realisation hit even harder the second time I acknowledged that I was dead. I would no longer see my friends and family again. My connection with the world had been severed and now I was left here all alone with the dead.
I was just looking around the room panicking when I finally spotted the hatch in the corner. It was slightly covered
... keep reading on reddit ➡Do your worst!
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
Pilot on me!!
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
I won't be doing that today!
You take away their little brooms
This morning, my 4 year old daughter.
Daughter: I'm hungry
Me: nerves building, smile widening
Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.
Thank you all for listening.
There hasn't been a post all year!
It’s pronounced “Noel.”
After all his first name is No-vac
What, then, is Chinese rap?
Edit:
Notable mentions from the comments:
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Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits
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French/Finnish art
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Country/Canadian rap
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Chinese/Country/Canadian rock
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Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap
There hasn't been a single post this year!
(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)
Bob
So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."
Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.
Just to clarify, 12345678
Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...
Notices there's only 2;
Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!" Her: "What the hell does that mean?!" Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."
I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.
I was just sitting there doing nothing.
They’re on standbi
“BOOM”?!
"That's what they're fighting about."
Because his Visa didn’t work.
A happy Uncle.....
"Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder!"
I’d never seen him be 4.
Ice-olation.
She's only eleven and says she came up with that by herself. I'm so proud 😭😭😭
