Has anyone noticed Athens City Water tasting a bit funnier than usual? I first noticed this yesterday. I live in the Near East Side neighborhood.
Some of these are border-line uncle jokes. I'm also an uncle. I keep all these jokes in my dadabase. Aka Google notes.
Some of these I got off of podcasts, the dad joke API, some from movies, but most are from this sub. Let me know if you want a source for a joke or if one of them was yours I'll give credit.
It's ok to be Frank with people. Or josh with them. But try not to Rob or Sue them.
What has 4 wheels and flies? A garbage truck
If the USA is so great then why did they make USB?
Tesla founder Elon Musk is originally from South Africa. Which is strange.
You think he'd be from mad-at-gas-car
How did Jesus keep his abs? Crossfit
What does a Jewish cowboy celebrate Yee-Hanukka
What did the stamp say to the letter Stick with me and you'll go places
I gave my wife a glue stick instead of lipstick She's still not talking to me
Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.
What word starts with E and ends with E, but only has one letter in it. Envelope ✉
Why do people on Athens hate getting up early Because dawn is tough on Grease
What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain A purramid
Why do fish like salt water? Pepper makes them sneeze
If april showers bring may flowers What do may flowers bring? PILGRIMS
Why do cemeteries have fences Because people are dying to get in
Did you know Bruce Lee had a Faster older brother? Sudden lee
Did you know he also had a Vegan brother? Broco lee
Pig black belt in karate Pork chop
How do you put an odd number of sugar cubes in 3 cups of coffee If you have 20 sugar cubes? You have to use all the cubes.
You put 1 in the first cup, one in the second cup, and 18 in the last cup. Because 18 is an odd number of sugar cubes to put on a cup of coffee.
I was going to tell your a joke about Yoga But it's Not working out
What do you do if your wife starts smoking Use some lubricant
did you hear about the woman with 12 breasts? Sounds weird, dozen tit?
What did baby corn say to momma corn ( I got a boy scout selling popcorn to eyeroll me on this one) Where's popcorn
What type of pasta do they serve at a haunted house? Fettuccine Afradio
What do you call a werewolf streamer? Liken subscribe
Why don't Elton John songs have a copyright? You can tell everybody this is your song.
My mom swears up and down cows arent real I was in udder disbelief
Skeleton goes into a bar, he orders a beer and a mop
Why does it take a pirate so long to learn the alphabet Because th
... keep reading on reddit ➡Recently, a user of that subreddit posted a meme that features a set of demonstrations and pieces of evidence as to why the Qu'ran is divinely provided and that Islam is veracious.
I would like to respond to some of their claims as an ex-Muslim atheist, and why I do not think that those claims are, in any way, convincing. Feel free to respond to other claims I have not addressed in the comment section.
Claim I
>THE QURAN SAID WE CAME FROM WATER AND WERE DEVELOPED IN THE MANNER OF A PLANT. THIS IS FULLY APPLICABLE TO EVOLUTION
Unfortunately, the first part of that claim has already been proposed by notorious polymaths prior to Islam, such as Thales. Even if none of that were true, a ridiculously low standard for proof would be needed to consider this claim as a miracle, given that human life is contingent upon the water, and it was known that humans were significantly composed of water.
You also conveniently ignore all other passages that claim humans came from mud or dust. Is that something that fits the current model of evolution?
Furthermore, if you use evolution to verify the accuracy of the Qur'an, then it won't make sense to reject statements that contradict the scientific framework you base your verifications upon.
I also think that the concept of humans coming from the water was already mentioned in past Hindu scriptures, but I do not have references at the moment. I am not certain.
Claim II
>THE MOON IS OFTEN REFERRED TO AS A REFLECTIVE LIGHT, A FACT ARABS COULD NOT HAVE POSSIBLY BE KNOWN
I like how you used the word 'Arabs' instead of 'humans,' because you seem to be aware that some Greek polymaths, prior to Islam, already made that discovery, such as Anaxagoras of Athens.
You seem to think that it is more reasonable to believe that Arabs got that information from a god rather than their neighbours next door.
That argument collapses with the simple question; where does it say that? The verse per se does not mention reflective light. It just mentions light, nur. Seems to me like a scientific inaccuracy rather than a miracle that proves a divine intervention.
Claim III
>MOUNTAINS ARE SAID IN THE QURAN TO BE TRAVELLING LIKE CLOUDS, WHICH WOULD SOUND COMPLETELY ILLOGICAL TO THE PEOPLE OF THE TIME, BUT PROVEN RIGHT BECAUSE OF PLATE TECTONICS
I appreciate your effort, bu
... keep reading on reddit ➡I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Do your worst!
They were cooked in Greece.
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
Today I came across a post on social media, arguing that Nicaragua (and Latin America in general) by choosing PRC over ROC, or choosing 1 party system over multi-party "democracy", is a step leading to decline of "critical thinking". Apparently implying that Western style Democracies are better at critical thinking than China (the one party PRC).
People may laugh at this assertion in a few subreddits. But most Western societies would actually agree with this sentiment.
But let's be real, the West today are echo-chambers of political dogmas, even if there are multiple echo-chambers, they are remarkably similar in their dogmatic non-critical thinking, e.g. their unwillingness to challenge/question ALL sides of political stands and inability to self-criticize.
PRC on the other hand: Communist? Socialist? Capitalist? It seems the 1 party was able to adapt to whatever policies that worked to produce remarkable results in the last 70 years. You can't get any more self-reflective and adaptive than that 1 party of 90 million members that so drastically changed its course for 1.4 billion people.
And other data shows:
The West are becoming more and more politically divided and more radicalized and extreme in political factions/parties, with the extremes and even the middle unable/unwilling to challenge their own respective dogmas or compromise with the other side.
There is very little self-reflection and self-criticism in Western society, because "freedom" apparently means everyone value a stubborn self-centered political opinion.
The Founding Fathers certainly were more pragmatic. So what happened to Western Democracies?
The problem is somewhat systemic, but the story must be traced back to the beginning of "Democracy" and "Critical thinking", back to Athens and Socrates who began the teaching of critical thinking.
Socrates taught his students to continuously question every argument and most importantly all wisdom held by "authorities".
Athenian Democracy actually hated Socrates for what he did, and had him imprisoned and eventually executed by poison.
In his time in prison, Socrates held a now-famous debate with his wealthy friend/student Crito recounted later by Plato, about whether Socrates should escape prison with the help of his friends.
Socrates concluded that (1) he must NOT try to escape prison, regardless of how unjust this was, (2) because he was a citizen of Athens and thus owe loyalty to it, as he must accept the injustice of Athens
... keep reading on reddit ➡Because she wanted to see the task manager.
Heard they've been doing some shady business.
but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale
Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments
They’re on standbi
A play on words.
But that’s comparing apples to oranges
My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.
Pilot on me!!
Nothing, he was gladiator.
Howdy y'all! Welcome to Day 3 of the r/indieheads Album of the Year 2021 Write-Up Series, our annual event where we showcase pieces from some of our favorite writers on the subreddit talking about their favorite records of the year! Up today, regular writer u/stansymash is talking one of the most anticipated debuts of 2021, British post-punk group Black Country, New Road's For the first time.
February 5th, 2021 - Ninja Tune
Listen:
Background by /u/stansymash
Black Country New Road are an English seven-piece experimental rock band formed in 2018. Most of the members were also part of a previous band called Nervous Conditions, which split up after their lead singer was accused of sexual assault. The other members formed Black Country New Road not long afterward, and began playing shows around London. They started gaining some notoriety and acclaim for their live performances, most notably at The Windmill in Brixton, a venue they continue to be associated with to this day alongside contemporaries like Black Midi, Squid, Sorry and many others. Some people call it a scene. They released their debut single, “Athens, France” on Speedy Wunderground records in 2019, later following it up with the track “Sunglasses”. These early singles gained the band considerable attention and acclaim from the music press, who often lauded them as one of the most exciting new bands out of Britain.
They announced their highly anticipated debut album For The First Time in late 2020, alongside the release of the single “Science Fair”. “Athens, France” and “Sunglasses” were also to be on the record in new, re-recorded versions. For The First Time was released in February 2021 on Ninja Tune Records, and saw significant attention and critical acclaim. It very rapidly became one of the most talked-about debut albums of recent years, even receiving a mercury prize nomination a few months after release. Not one to wait around, the band announced that record’s follow up Ants From Up There in October, which is scheduled for release next February.
Review by /u/stansymash
Here in Britain we have this annual award called the Mercury Prize; a prize that ten
... keep reading on reddit ➡
Or would that be too forward thinking?
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
Heya everyone, and sorry that I’ve kept you waiting! Today is the day of our favorite one-chapter-wonder from Uprising, that being Poseidon. King of the sea we met in chapter 7 looked and sounded amazing, but we didn’t see much of him in terms of power or character when compared to other characters. He didn’t even give any interesting lore tidbits, which was a bit weird considering how Athena and Poseidon do have history together and by history I mean our history, not myths. Let’s just say that some things were written purposefully as propaganda after one big achievement or they were made to teach people lessons about hubris only for them to take the story that illustrated the lesson a bit more literally than originally intended - people started to look for riches and power from a story that was supposed to warn them about how those things lead to ruin, talk of irony. We know what you did Athens, and it was tooting your own horn so freaking loud that the echo of it can still be heard. There’s a reason why everyone conveniently forgets that Athens lost the Peloponnesian war. That’s why Palutena is the way she is, having Apollo’s title and Aphrodite’s belongings. But back to Poseidon, there’s definitely room to make him more interesting character. So what could to writers do to achieve this?
Moving to history behind him, Poseidon’s name exists in Mycenaean Linear B descriptions and there also seems to have existed a feminine variant of him, kinda like with Zeus and Dione. He also seemed to be not only the head god Mycenaean religion and one of the more important deities in general, but also the ruler of the Underworld as well - Zeus did exist during Mycenaean period but seemed gain his status as the king of Gods during Dark Ages when places of the deities got shuffled. Hades on the other hand didn’t exist at all during Mycenaean period meaning that he’s predated by pretty much everyone, the most hilarious examples being his wife Persephone and Dionysus whom I’ve already talked of in previous parts. As for how he came to be, either a deity who would become Hades was imported to Greece during the Dark Ages or Hades was an offshoot of an already existing deity who came to stand on his own during the Dark Ages. Either way, it’s pretty funny how the oldest son and daughter of Cronus and Rhea seem to be the youngest ones historically. But everything comes to an end and so did Poseidon’s roles both as the head god and the ruler of the Underworld - the Great Bronze
... keep reading on reddit ➡
