My 4 year old daughter’s first dad joke...Why did the dinosaur eat vegetables and fruit?

Because he didn’t like sour mice.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/envengpe
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
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My buddy gets all the girls. I watched him work once. He approached a lady and said, "girl, you remind me of a thick, creamy beverage made from raw fruit, vegetables, and sometimes dairy products, typically pureed using a blender!"

He's such a smoothie talker.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
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I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits...

I got off on a peel!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
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I quit my job at the farm because my boss wanted to pay me in fruits and vegetables instead of cash.

The celery was unacceptable.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
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My friend’s fruit and vegetable business has gone into liquidation.

He now sells smoothies.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
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If I’m out in space, and I crush up fruits, vegetables, berries etc to be thrown into the galaxy, would that be considered a space jam? reddit.com/r/teenagers/co…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theangelsspark
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
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TIL that fruits and vegetables can help prevent constipation

I guess that's why they call it pro-deuce.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/friedchocolate
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2017
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My dad talking about fruits and vegetables

So my dad and I were in the kitchen preparing supper. We were cutting up some fruits and vegetables, when I see a little spark go of in his eye, like he just thought of the best thing ever. He turned to me and said: Dad: do you know what turns a fruit into a vegetable? Me: no? What? Dad: AIDS

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ISmokeBubbleHash
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2014
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A vegan told me, "People who sell meat are disgusting!"

I told them "people who sell fruits and vegetables grocer"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrhotdog82
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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A man and his son had a farm, but things weren't going too well.

The son said "I think we need to start growing something other than just wheat" and started naming fruits and vegetables.

"I think you're right, kiddo" said the man.

He went over to one of the haybales and started grabbing fistfuls of it. He spread it out and then started covering it with dirt.

"Dad, what are you doing?" asked the son, confused.

"I'm making straw-buries".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Findrel_Underbakk
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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I dare you to read this

What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!

I heard a scary math joke, but I’m 2^^2 to tell it!

Have you heard of that new movie, β€œConstipation”? Well it doesn’t matter, it never came out.

I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said β€œNo, doc, it’s dis knee.”

Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.

When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses don’t cause reactions, after all.

What’s the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.

What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!

I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."

Why can’t you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!

Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.

Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? You don’t wanna wake the sleeping pills.

What twitches and is found at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck!

What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller!

What do you call a 3 foot tall psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large!

Help, I can’t stop reading books with female protagonists! I’m a heroine addict!

How did Sparticus react when he ate his wife for dinner? He was gladiator!

When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!

19 and 20 got into a fight… 21.

My friend told me, β€œPeople who sell meat are disgusting!” So I said, β€œYeah, well people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!”

How can turtles take photos of themselves? Shell-fie sticks!

What do you call a secret agent molecule? Bond… ionic bond. β€œTaken, not shared.” What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? (Cut this part, but make a screeching noise)

How much does Santa’s sleigh cost? $0, it’s on the house.

If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight there would be mass confusion.

I had a splinter once; it eventually got out of hand.

I’m going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, I’m outstanding.

Most people are shocked to find out how terrible an electrician I am!

What do mermaids wash their fins with? Tide What’s the coolest place to use the bathroom? The Lil Jon

Did you know that on average, people want three covers on their bed at all times? But that’s just a blanket statem

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kinjago
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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My vegetarian daughter said that butchers are gross...

But I told her that people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dulberf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2018
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Vegans believe meat eaters and butchers are gross.

But those who sell you fruits and vegetables are grocer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ntuso
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2019
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My dad while eating soup...

Upon noticing that my sister picked out all of her vegetables in her chicken noodle soup, I asked her about her disgust for a certain pod fruit.

My dad leaned in and said "come on girl, give peas a chance!"

Yeah. A classic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MonstrousJames
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2015
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People who sell meat are gross

But people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
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Vegan Son: People who sell Meat are gross

Dad: People who sell Fruits and Vegetables are Grocer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/everythingman2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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A vegan said to me people who sell meat are disgusting

I said people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainOverKill16
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2019
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A vegan said to me, β€œPeople who sell meat are disgusting!”

I said, β€œPeople who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.”

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chooboto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2018
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A vegan said to me that a person who sells meat is disgusting...

I said people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Boom223
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
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While people who sell meat can be gross...

People who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrBirb_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
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A vegan once said to me, people who sell meat to eat are disgusting....

I replied, people who sell fruit and vegetables to eat are grocer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/B-man44
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
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Vegan: People who sell meat are disgusting!

Dad: People who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HoMEOWner707
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
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A vegan told me people who sell meat are disgusting

I said people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/December_Soul
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
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A vegan once said to me that people who sell meat are disgusting

I said people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tiavyas
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
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A vegan said to me, people who sell meat are disgusting

I replied, people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/anasuna
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2018
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Vegans think that people who sell meat are disgusting

But people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2018
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As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting!

But apparently people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/g0dfarter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2017
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