I want to bake all my bread from now on.

You can say is a loaf-ty goal.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wasprobot
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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I told my wife I’m going to arrange the herbs in alphabetical order from now on.

She said, β€œWhere would you find the time?”

I said, β€œEasy. Right next to the sage.”

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
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Did you hear the news? FedEx and UPS are merging. They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
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My boss is making me dig through a stack of hay bare-handed to look for anything that shouldn’t be there. I suspect he dropped his wedding ring while having an affair with the new girl he hired in the pile and now he is desperate to hide the evidence from his wife who might be on to him.

But I’m just grasping at straws here.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Propagansus
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
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I have decided to write all my jokes in capitols from now on.

This one was written in London.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/keithasaurus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2018
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Ripped the knee of my pants today. Guess ill be using them for church from now on..

Since they became holy and all.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bondeddd
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
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I recommend that you all use herb concentrates from now on.

Thyme is of the essence after all.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Drondol
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2019
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From now on...

I'm going to write all my jokes in capitals. I wrote this one in London.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheOgree
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
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Me and my family are on a road trip. After waking up from a long nap, I ask my dad, "what state are we in now?"

He replies, "the state of confusion!"

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2017
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They have been Edam fools but promise to be Gouda from now on ! Pun theft I admit * abc.net.au/news/2017-03-2…
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fair_SOTS
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2017
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From now on, refer to Seattle as "Space Haystack City" why?

Because that's where you'll find The Space Needle, OBVIOUSLY.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mistermajik2000
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2017
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Two dadjokes I used on my friend, now posted from his perspective on facebook
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DemRocks
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2014
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I told my wife, β€œI’m going to arrange the herbs in alphabetical order from now on.”

She said, β€œWhere would you find the time?”

I said, β€œThat should be easy. Next to the sage.”

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2018
🚨︎ report
I told my wife that I’m going to arrange all the herbs in alphabetical order from now on.

She said, β€œWhere would you find the time?”

I said, β€œEasy. Right next to the sage.”

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the news? FedEx and UPS are merging. They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I told my wife that I'm going to arrange the herbs in alphabetical order from now on. She asked, "Where will you find the time?"

I said, "Easy, right next to the sage"

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZappBrannigansLaw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
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"My dad got me with this one: 'Did you hear the news? FedEx and UPS are merging. They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.'”
πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AshleyJack
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2017
🚨︎ report

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