A few to get your Monday going...

Puns for Educated Minds ...

  1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

  2. I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

  3. She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her still.

  4. A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

  5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

  6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

  7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

  8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

  9. A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall.. The police are looking into it.

  10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

  11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12.. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

  1. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

  2. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

  3. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

  4. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

  5. A backward poet writes inverse.

18.. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

  1. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

  2. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

  3. A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

22.. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'

23.. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

24.. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says, 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

  1. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root-canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

  2. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/RetroGeekOfficial
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 30 2021
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Cheese factory explosion

Did you hear about the cheese factory explosion in France?

There was Debrie everywhere.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/fluffanutter26
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 17 2021
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What did the French executioner say to the aristocrat who asked to be released?

No, merci! . . . Happy 14th of July France ๐Ÿ‡ซ๐Ÿ‡ท

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/bodaciousblonde124
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 14 2021
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Why do they call them French Fries?

Why do they call them French Fries?

They weren't made in France, they were made in Greece.

Dad Joke my son wrote in his Father's Day card to me today. Happy Father's Day to all the Dad's who keep telling their kids Dad Jokes!!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/According_Buffalo
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 20 2021
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Do you know why the French eat just one egg for breakfast?

Because in France, one egg is Un ouef.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Tamizander
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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I met a man named Jim Apple the other day.

He has trouble introducing himself in France.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/YouIdiotSandwhich
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 09 2020
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You get no pain...

When you run out of bread in France

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/badpunforyoursmile
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 11 2021
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my first good pun...made at 1 in the morning

WHAT DO YOU SAY IN FRANCE IF YOUR JEANS ARE LOOSE ?

TOULOUSE

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/tanya2004
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
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When visiting France, one has to go to the structure that allows sufficient observation to discover more than enough to be satisfied.

Oui, a visit to the Eyeful Tower is always recommended when vacationing in France.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thomasbrakeline
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
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Why do the French never have two eggs for breakfast?

Because in France, one egg is un oeuf.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Trickshot945
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
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Why are French omelettes small?

Because in France one egg is an oeuf.

(My children are not laughing)

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DropItLikeItsKlopp
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
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If electricity always follows the path of least resistance,

Why doesn't lighting always strike in France?

๐Ÿ‘︎ 11
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Tanakiin
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
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514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itโ€™s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itโ€™s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donโ€™t think itโ€™s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

Thereโ€™s a new type of broom out, itโ€™s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels canโ€™t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itโ€™s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldnโ€™t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Josvys
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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Today I gave my dad some French beans I had grown in my garden.

He asked if they needed to go into quarantine!

(UK just asked everyone coming in from France to observe 2 weeks quarantine)

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/CanAhJustSay
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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Baguettes are better than croissants change my mind

In France people give each other white roses on Valentineโ€™s Day because they surrender their love to each other

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/WhitePowerPolarBear
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 14 2019
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An Ant is lying in its death bed in North Korea.

He calls his son and says he wanted to tell him something for a long time.

Son Ant : What is it dad?

Father Ant : I cannot say that in this god forbidden country we have to move immediately to France or Italy before i am dead.

Confused,the Son Ant made arrangements to move to France.They boarded a spy ship which took them to south Korea.From there they boarded a flight to France.With great difficulty they finally reached France.The father ant's health became worse.The son ant was thinking what was so important that they had to move to another country, So when they settled in their new home he finally asked..

Son Ant : Dad, We are in France now you can tell whatever you were going to tell me. The Father could not speak up so he signaled his son to come closer.The son did.

Father Ant: Son, We are now Europeants.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/NoOne77492
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
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Itโ€™s lonely between Germany and Spain

Not many France, nobodyโ€™s Nice to me, everyone seems to be Lyon. Itโ€™s just Eiffel

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/unknownamouse
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
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Did you know Cardi B has two sisters?

Cardi A. She went to France and opened a jewelry store.

Cardi O. She opened a fitness gym.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/H-DaneelOlivaw
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
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A traditional French omelette only has one egg

I thought it was strange, that all omelettes are so small, but in France they say that one egg is un oeuf.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 88
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/paronomasiac
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 20 2017
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Did you hear about the paraplegic who threw himself into the river while on vacation in Egypt?

The crowd told him he wouldn't be able to swim, but he was in denile.

Come to think of it, I heard about a guy in France doing the same thing, but I'm pretty sure he was inseine.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/WhiteCubeNinja
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
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At breakfast, my wife: Honey, you forgot the French toast.

Me: Oops. Sorry. * raising glass* VIVE LA FRANCE!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 29 2018
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Fun fact!

Did you know the first French Fries werenโ€™t actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.

(Apparently the FedEx driver that delivers to my friend's job is a dad. I'm sure this one is old, but here have a groan anyway.)

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Ehrivei
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
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The Peanuts kids had to choose a country out of hat for a book report.

Peppermint Patty: I got France!

Linus: I got Spain!

Charlie Brown: I got Iraq...

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Bonanza86
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 22 2018
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Singing French Knights

In the Middle Ages, Western France was known for it singing knights. The most famous group were a bunch of lancers from the town of Brittany. They were known as the Brittany Spears.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Tuba_phone
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 01 2018
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A classic

My friend and I were talking about his sister who is studying abroad in France, with out missing a beat my dad says yeah I studied a broad or two in my day

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/mrbearv
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 08 2014
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I can paralyse a pidgeon...

...if I put salt on it's tail, is what my dad told me. I spent an entire summer in France running down pidgeons with salt packets (conveniently supplied by my dad).

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/KSKaleido
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 05 2013
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Capital city

What's the capital of France?

F

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Peacocky1
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 13 2018
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How many eggs do the French use in their omelettes?

1, because in France 1 egg is "un oeuf".

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/twin802
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 27 2016
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Roaming minutes

My dad is out of the country with a cruise and texted me. I told him to Facebook message me so as to not waste his roaming minutes.
His response: Roming on Friday. Florencing tomorrow. Francing today." I laughed in my cubicle and refused to explain why.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/chops51991
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 08 2016
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Two Cats swimming the English Channel

Two Cats swimming the English Channel to France, one was called One Two Three and the other Un Deux Trois

which cat made it?

One Two Three because Un deux trois Cat Sank

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/aontroim
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 03 2015
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You know where French fries are made?

Not in France.

But I heard theyโ€™re made in Greece.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/J4keFr0mStatef
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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French fries

Did you know that french fries were not made in france. They are actually made in greece.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 14
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/T0lahiir
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
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Why do French people have only 1 egg for breakfast?

Because in France, 1 egg is enough.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/KillerKilcline
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
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Where were the first French fries cooked in?

Not France, but Greece

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Spingebill678
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
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Why donโ€™t French people have two eggs for breakfast...

... because in France one egg is un oeuf.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 19
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/cwwspurs
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
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Fries Dad Pun

You know the first french fries, wasnt actually cooked in France but in Greece...๐Ÿ˜‚

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/yeeeet99
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
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Puns for Educated Minds
  1. The fattest knight at King Arthurs round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

  2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

  3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

  4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

  5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

  6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

  7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

  8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

  9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

  10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

  11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

  12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: You stay here; I'll go on a head.

  13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

  14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: Keep off the Grass.

  15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

  16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

  17. A backward poet writes inverse.

  18. In a democracy itโ€™s your vote that counts. In feudalism itโ€™s your count that votes.

  19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

  20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

  21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, Iโ€™m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.

  22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says Dam!

  23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you canโ€™t have your kayak and heat it too.

  24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, Iโ€™ve lost my electron. The other says Are you sure? The first replies, Yes, Iโ€™m positive.

  25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

  26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 170
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/FreshFocusPhoto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 26 2015
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French Fries

Contrary to popular belief, the first french fries were not cooked in France! They were cooked in Grease..

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DarkEco4breakfast
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
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French people donโ€™t have two eggs for breakfast.......

.......because in France one egg is un oeuf.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/cwwspurs
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
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Nice

My friend told me about his holidays in France today. He was lucky that he wasn't in France when the terrorist attacks happened. I replied: "Nice!" I thought it was pretty funny.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SeBindi
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 08 2016
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