Phil
Sudden Lee
Go post NSFW jokes somewhere else. If I can't tell my kids this joke, then it is not a DAD JOKE.
If you feel it's appropriate to share NSFW jokes with your kids, that's on you. But a real, true dad joke should work for anyone's kid.
Mods... If you exist... Please, stop this madness. Rule #6 should simply not allow NSFW or (wtf) NSFL tags. Also, remember that MINORS browse this subreddit too? Why put that in rule #6, then allow NSFW???
Please consider changing rule #6. I love this sub, but the recent influx of NSFW tagged posts that get all the upvotes, just seem wrong when there are good solid DAD jokes being overlooked because of them.
Thank you,
A Dad.
So far nobody has given me a straight answer
I am currently in the hospital. I had a back operation yesterday. The surgical nurse came in my room and started asking questions about my back. She asked me if I had any falls during the last year. I responded just one. It was after summer.
She laughed and said in 20 years of doing this she never was told that joke.
..... Will get a reward.
Because they work on many levels
Well, toucan play at that game.
THE IDEAL LOVER
THE ROMANTIC IDEAL
- One day, around 1760 at the opera, a young woman was with her husband. She met a met who kissed her hand in a very romantic way, he was Giovanni Casanova. He asked her to go to the ball the next evening and that night, she couldn't stop thinking about him, she couldn't wait.
- The next day she saw him and she invited him to dinner at his big and eccentric home. When his husband has retired for the evening, she showed him around. She pointed to a wing of the house, there was a chapel. She wished he could read her mind and her bold thoughts. And he did.
- Casanova would wait inside the chapel's tiny confessional for her all day with some books, candles, and food. Now, she had something to live for. Some day she had to take a journey with her husband and when she came back, Casanova had vanished.
- Years later, Miss Pauline saw an ad in a local newspaper where a man was looking for a lady lodger to rent a room in his house. She was a lady, she came from Portugal to London waiting for her lover, but his arrival was delayed and she couldn't return to Portugal, so she accepted because it was affordable and he just asked for company. This man was Casanova.
- Casanova was a true gentleman, educated and generous. They played chess, talk about literature and ride horses. One day, he told her he was madly in love with her. She told him it couldn't be possible and that he has to ride a horse to snap out of it or something, and that's what he did. Unfortunately, hours later she was notified that Casanova fell and was injured. She was inconsolable and felt guilty. This was the perfect opportunity for her to surrender, that night they became lovers. It came time for Miss Pauline to leave London, and Casanova didn't stop her. He said each of them had offered the other the perfect, temporary antidote to their loneliness, and that they would be friends for life.
- Time later, in Spain, he met Ignazia. He invited her to go to a ball, but she didn't want to accept so he asked Ignazia's mother to be the chaperone. At th
Argon does not react.
Windows
Me : For starters, I bring a lot to the table
Martin Freeman, and Andy Serkis.
They also play roles in Lord of the Rings.
I guess that makes them the Tolkien white guys.
She said apple-lutely
'Eye-do'
This is my first post pls don't kill me lol.
The people in the comment section is why I love this subreddit!!
Cred once again my sis wants credit lol
Keep in mind, my son is 4 years old, so everything is an original to him.
I had to work late into the evening yesterday, and he was just going to bed when I got home. I had left home for the office nearly 14 hours prior, had a long day, lots of meetings, traffic, etc.
When I walked through the door, I was exhausted, run down, and starving. My wife hugged me and asked how my day was, and I replied, "Done. It was a good day, but has got me exhausted. I just want to grab a bite and go to bed. I'm hungry."
From my son's bedroom, I hear him shout, "Hi Hungry! Nice to meet you!"
Not only did it make me laugh, but I completely forgot about how hungry and tired I was. I went to his bedroom, and we laughed together about it. It was exactly what I needed.
Edit: Thanks for all the awards, kind strangers! I'll let my son know y'all enjoyed his joke too!
I heard parents named their children lance a lot.
First post please don't kill me
Edit: i went to sleep and now my inbox is dead, thank you kind strangers for the awards!
To get to the... Bottom...
(as told by my 5yo son, I'm so proud)
Japan.
There's something pure about an online friendship - completely uninhibited from real life and expectations. Rush of freedom that accompanies anonymity. The joy of sharing thoughts unhindered by real life images. The gleeful nerves that accompany the wait for a reply to a flirty text. Oh, so beautiful.
That's what I'm looking to recreate here. A sweet romance replete with friendship. I’m looking to recreate all the sweet things we feel when a new romance begins.
Something gleeful. Something beautiful. Something pure.
I'm looking for someone interesting who is willing to sustain a long term correspondance that is built on a strong friendship, but has no shortage of romantic and flirty moments. I'd love
What can I offer ? A good friend, a charming camaraderie, fantastic intellectual discussions, emotional bonding, eclectic musical tastes and interesting chess games.
I do love myself a healthy dosage of romance. I'm more than willing to enter into regular discussions, coy vocal talks and recreating all the magic of a cute romance.
The rest is a mystery. I have a wide range of interests and hobbies, which I’ll leave for us to find later. I'm excited to see who’s eye this post catches!
"No, the regular kind!" I laughed.
This happened a few years ago when my son was 6ish. When my kids hurt themselves and it doesn’t look serious I always do the “we might have to amputate that bruised hand” shtick with them. I’ve done it enough that they now roll their eyes.
So, my son got hit lightly in the face with a rubber ball. It wasn’t a hard hit and I could tell he was more upset by the shock of it rather than the pain. So I say “looks like we will have to amputate your nose.” To which he replies “then how will I smell?” And I say “terrible!”
It was my greatest dad joke ever. I felt like I could retire after that.
it's Hans free now..
second hand stores!
Old Neeeeiiiiighvy
10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too
A buck-an-ear!
I Thank ye kind Matey for the booty! I be truly overwhelmed! Thank you!
Holy cow! Thank you everyone for the upvotes and awards! I wasn’t expecting this!
He should have a good vowel movement. His next diaper change could spell disaster though.
and not:
Making it all the way home and realizing that they forgot one of the containers:
Riceless
That was the punchline
