Flamen Martialis Puns

Hey everyone,

Ive created a new general hellenic subreddit where i want to keep everything strictly polytheistic, and i want more roman\greek\ptolmaic polytheist participation, i dont want the sub to stifle debate either and im trying to have more diverse mods from different subcategories of hellenism.

Ive sent a request for Flamen-Martialis to become a moderator for this new subreddit r/Olympianism and i whole hartedly support Flamen-Martialis taking over r/RomanPaganism as a mod and we should support this effort.

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

They’re on standbi

Pilot on me!!

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

When I got home, they were still there.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

I won't be doing that today!

In the middle of the night, somewhere in a renaissance era house in Sicily, a great gathering transpires. Many from Sicily, Abruzzo, Lombardy, Rome and the area surrounding it, and even Fiume have come to listen to The Flamen Martialis, the great Prophet of Mars. The Flamen steps forth from out of the shadows, raising a hand to his flock. "Praise be to Mars! Praise be to Rome! Praise be to Evola!" the crowd cheers before Evola signals them to be quiet. "My dearest devoted, I have a question for all of you." he glances across the room "In all of recorded history, which state was the first to be Futurist?". Many in the crowd look at each other to come up with an answer with one in the back raising his hand assuredly "Anyone keeping up with the news knows it is Artaud's Avante-Garde state in France!". Evola shakes his head and replies "No no, young Neophyte. Go further back, who did it first?". The crowd confused tries to come up with a different answer. Another young man, looking very sure of himself, boldly proclaims "It was D'Annunzio in Fiume! He was doing it long before Artaud!". A sly grin creeps up on The Flamen's face as he begins to correct his flock yet again "You are getting closer, but that isn't it either". His followers have given up, nobody could think what Futurist state could have possibly come before those two. Evola starts to chuckle, and with glee and assuredness, he proclaims to his audience "Rome! In the ancient world, Rome was the only state that appreciated Speed! We nearly had steam power too! Rome was power! Rome was the bringer of the Machine! Rome was Beauty! Rome was Violence! Rome was Speed! My comrades, we focus not on Roman Past, but on Roman Future! We need not tomes to reclaim our glory, but only to look within us and manifest that great spirt that was so wrongly taken from us thousands of years ago! I have initiated many of you so far in hopes that one of you shall succeed in becoming not only the heir to the Ur Group but also the Imperator to the New Rome! Full Speed into World! For Rome and for Future!".

Julius Evola after the events of the Great War was radically changed. Once a proponent of the Traditionalist School, he still wanted to see his people act like Romans again. Evola was anti-Christian as ever, calling Balbo's Christian Socialist Movement a "Cheap attempt at National Restoration" and Balbo himself "A dirty Freemason and an insufferable Philosemite!". Naturally, this caused some controversies within the

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Where ever you left it 🤷‍♀️🤭

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

You take away their little brooms

There hasn't been a post all year!

It was about a weak back.

Why

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

Nothing, it just waved

Him: I can explain everything!

(It's his best joke yet I think)

Bob

So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."

Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.

Just to clarify, 12345678

Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...

Notices there's only 2;

Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!" Her: "What the hell does that mean?!" Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."

I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.

I was just sitting there doing nothing.