First Monday Puns

and things are going great for the first few days, handling deliveries, putting cuts into and out of storage, etc. After his first week, coming in at 8am to work with the Butcher's supervision, the Butcher decides that he can trust John with a little more responsibility. The Butcher is a bit of a perfectionist and he tells John that he has to be there by 6am Monday morning because a delivery of fresh beef was due to arrive at 6:15 and it needed storage and processing immediately. John was incredibly excited and set extra alarms Monday. He snoozes his 5am alarm, but his 5:15 alarm gets him going, and he arrives at the shop at 5:55, tired and slightly panicked. He gets into the back room and takes a catnap.

He is shaken awake at 7:45am by the Butcher, who is asking where the cuts are. The deliveryman didn't see John and so the beef wasn't delivered or cut. The Butcher was incredibly disappointed in John, and had to fired him because he had caused too many missed steaks.

Baby sitting my nephew for a week since Monday. I've been teaching him to make the bed so everyone morning I'll remind him to make the bed.

"Now what do you do when you first wake up?"

"make the bed"

"good"

This morning:

"Now what do you do when you first wake up?"

"make the bed"

"no, you open your eyes"

http://www.thedenverchannel.com/news/front-range/arvada/arvada-man-knocked-out-by-lightning-while-videotaping-monday-nights-storm-from-inside-his-garage (video autoplays)

>His daughter Ileah heard the crash, ran over, and found her dad convulsing on the floor.

>"At first I thought he was joking, because that's the kind of person my dad is..."

Doctor Grant would have been proud. https://gs1.wac.edgecastcdn.net/8019B6/data.tumblr.com/a6a9170d54b98df4d8ef9f4f9c39b2ae/tumblr_inline_mlme68KRS11qz4rgp.gif

I met this kid from the neighborhood who has started school this week.

me. "So you started in first grade this monday?"

kid "yeah"

me. "So do you go to school everyday now?"

kid, a bit hesitating "well not on saturdays and sundays..."

My maths teacher was demonstrating a 'How to calculate the speed of something when the distance is x and the time is y' type question which involved a bike. It is the first lesson after break-time on Monday morning, so most of us (the students) were dozing off. The maths teacher notices this and begins the 'jokes..'

"I know you're all tired, but you just had brake and I have spoke to you all about not being lethargic in class.

Cue awkward laughter