When he found out I was sick, my friend messaged me, hoping that I will quickly find a deep hole in a ground full of water.

I'm happy he wished me to get well soon.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sodrohu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
It took me 20 minutes to find the mollusk in my fish tank

It was very well clamoflaged

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SeabaSquad
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I woke up at midnight to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor staring at me from the foot of my bed...

First I was afraid, I was petrified.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
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*Can't find where I parked my van* Me : Damn. Where did my
πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/araitisaname
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend called me in a panic and shouted, β€œAn evil wizard turned me into a tiny harp! I don’t know what to do!” Frantically, I drove all the way to his house only to find out...

...he’s really a big lyre.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flamingkitten101
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
🚨︎ report
The taylor at the local men's clothing shop kept trying to help me find wedding attire despite my wishes. He finally gave up and said

Suit yourself

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/diceblue
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
This guy wanted to find me to fight , he made a mistake and after i sent him this, he blocked me reddit.com/gallery/hy8fa6
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/adam10boy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I'll never forget when my dad told me, "Find yourself a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you!” A little taken aback, I asked him what he meant. He explained...

β€œShe knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them!"

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
🚨︎ report
A tourist at The seaside came to me and asked where he could find whales.

I told him that it's located a bit West from England.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
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My dad always told me, "Don't be quick to find faults...

Good man, terrible geologist...

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MixedGender
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
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My son came home to find me slumped over the lawn mower crying my eyes out. He shouted over the noise, "You ok, pop?!" I shouted back...

"I'm fine!! I'm just going through a rough patch!"

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
My son walked into the living room only to find me looking around all misty eyed. Reluctantly, he asked, "What's up pop?" I blubbered, "My boy, I really love our furniture..."

"Me and my recliner go way back."

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife just told me, β€œI can’t find my datebook. I’ve looked for it everywhere. Have you seen it?”

Me: It seems like....you have a hidden agenda.

πŸ‘︎ 868
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
🚨︎ report
People only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make

Then they call me ugly and poor

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGregGreg
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
🚨︎ report
My favorite toilet paper was discontinued. Nobody prepared me for how much of a pain in the ass it is to find a new favorite.
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bensly
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
🚨︎ report
The other week the police arrived on the scene to find me upside down in my car...

They told me not to be so silly, and to sit properly...

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve started growing herbs in my garden. To help identify them i’m growing them in alphabetical order. My neighbour asked me, how you find the time. I said, easy, it’s right here next to the sage.
πŸ‘︎ 282
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mcleodpirate
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Me: Know what Thanos says when he finds a rotten fruit in his garden? My kids: Ugh.

"It is... Inedible"

πŸ‘︎ 104
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fubarfrank
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I wanted to go as a streetperformer for Halloween. It took me absolutely forever to find a mime shirt...

But the pantomimes were pretty easy to pick up!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StretchSmiley
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Me: Mom where do I find the rice in the store?

Mom: (points) you find it rice there.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/falknorRockman
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Coins find me completely insufferable

I'm trying to change

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
🚨︎ report
It took me forever to find out what β€œIDK” means

Every time I asked someone they would say β€œI don’t know”

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yabopskeebop
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
When I broke up with my ex she told me that I would never find anyone like her. I told her,

β€œThat’s the point.”

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I came home from a long day of work to find a surprise my girlfriend left me! imgur.com/a/9nOTA
πŸ‘︎ 471
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SOLDIERv7
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2017
🚨︎ report
I was confused and lost at college, not knowing which building my classes were in. An Asian woman helped me find my way tho...

I was soon oriented.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend loves puns and I told her to come check out this page. She kept telling me she couldn’t find it....
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kdiddy1026
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I’ve been trying to find an herbal remedy to keep me from feeling rushed...

...turns out I just need more Thyme.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tehmayormccheese
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Son: Math sucks so much. My teacher wants me to find the square root of I Don’t Give a Crap.

Dad: Easy! Next time, just tell your teacher I Don’t Give Two Shits.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I was eating at a restaurant and a waiter comes up to me and asks: "How did I find the steak?"

I told him I looked underneath the parsley.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NairodI
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
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Is it just me? I find magnets very attractive
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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Hey fellow dads need some help: If someone finds me hot

Do I play it off cool.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SpiderKnight68
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
🚨︎ report
You'd never find me wearing a chameleon costume.
πŸ‘︎ 107
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2018
🚨︎ report
If your lost you can look and you will find me...
πŸ‘︎ 137
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Frostbyte09
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2017
🚨︎ report
My son woke up to find his guinea pig dead. He found me right away and said...

"Papa, new guinea"

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MexElf
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked my friend if she could find some quotes about happiness for me

she said she was positive she could find some

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife is going to be mad at me when she finds out I accidentally mislabeled all of her spices in her spice rack.

The thyme is cumin.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/washcapsfan37
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad always told me, β€œFind a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you.”

She knows how to make a bad decision and still stick with it.

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My Dad always told me "Don't be quick to find faults."

He was a good man, but a terrible geologist

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
🚨︎ report
My dad told me β€œDon’t be quick to find faults”

Great man, terrible geologist

πŸ‘︎ 74
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KingJiggaMan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
🚨︎ report
The best advice my dad gave me was to find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and marry her.

She knows how to make bad decisions, yet stick by them.

πŸ‘︎ 978
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad always told me, "Don't be quick to find faults"...

Good man, terrible geologist...

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2017
🚨︎ report
My dad always told me to find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo, and try to convince her to marry me.

They know how to make a bad decision, and then stick to it.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.

Then they call me ugly and poor.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad always told me to find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and marry her...

She knows how to make bad decisions and stick to them...

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad always told me "don't be quick to find faults."

Good Dad, terrible geologist.

πŸ‘︎ 73
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thewargingned
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2019
🚨︎ report
People often say to me after rearranging my garden in alphabetical order, how did I find the time.

I said it is there next to the sage.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DemonLordMammon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make

Then they call me Ugly and Poor

πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2018
🚨︎ report

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