A little boy ran up to me, and said "please help, my Dad is in a fight" so we went around the corner and two men were fighting each other. ok, I said, which one is your Dad..?

I dunno, he said, that's what they're fighting about...

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2023
🚨︎ report
Why don't skeletons fight each other?

They don't have the balls.

πŸ‘︎ 64
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PixelatedNPC
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2023
🚨︎ report
Why don’t skeletons fight each other?

They don’t have the guts for it!

πŸ‘︎ 64
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AthiestMessiah
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2023
🚨︎ report
A vegan and a vegetarian will never fight each other.

They got no beef.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Qualifiedwelder
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2023
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when apes fight each other

Guerrilla Warfare

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/unapanteranegra
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2022
🚨︎ report
Why do cows constantly fight each other

They all got beef

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/P3RS0N4_5
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2022
🚨︎ report
If 2 vegans want to fight each other....

Is it considered beef?

πŸ‘︎ 101
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OGShottyG
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Why won't vegetarians fight each other?

Cause they don't want a beef.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fphiszche
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Why don't loaves of bread fight each other?

Because they know that violence baguettes violence!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/a_wild_redditer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2022
🚨︎ report
Why do toyota highlander owners fight to the death when they meet each other.

Because there can be only one!!!!!

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jolly2284
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2021
🚨︎ report
What is the name of a place where people fight each other using a banana?

The Potasseum

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sudoku12
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2021
🚨︎ report
Two guys lined up to fight each other.

This is the punchline.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_eat_crayon
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
🚨︎ report
At my wedding, my wife's family got into a fight with each other, the police were called, and then they ran from the cops.

So now my in-laws are out-laws.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/salawm
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
🚨︎ report
The cores of my CPU always fight to excel each other.

I've a duel core processor.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
🚨︎ report
It is really unfortunate that Islam, Judaism, and Christianity have been fighting each other for centuries.

Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2022
🚨︎ report
What do you call two suns fighting with each other ?

Star Wars

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amart1985
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2022
🚨︎ report
A guy saw two wolves fighting each other, then the wolves noticed him and ate him.

You could say, he got inwolved.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnthdieSoos
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2021
🚨︎ report
My town just set the record for the longest line fighting each other

You could see the punch line coming from a mile away

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaxerfp
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife and I started fighting each other whilst wearing boxing gloves and 'Eye of the Tiger' playing in the background...

We are going through a Rocky patch!

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
🚨︎ report
If 2 vegans are fighting with each other, is it still called beef?
πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/laurenthedesigner
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you call two people with mononucleosis fighting each other?

Mono a mono

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw two huge ratios fighting against each other.

It was a war of epic proportions.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call belly buttons fighting each other?

Navel Warfare

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MichaelScott315
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2017
🚨︎ report
The Greatest Fighter In The World

So there was a man who considered himself the greatest fighter in the world. Every time he got in a fight growing up, he'd win, and it would never even be close. Eventually he ran out of people in town to fight, and he decided that he'd travel the world, looking for all the best fighters, and beat them in combat.

He travels to Japan, China, India, Russia, France, Ireland, going all about the world, fighting everyone who thinks they're the best fighters in the world- and beats them easily. There's no real sense of competition, he just defeats every challenger in humiliating fashion.

But travelling the world looking for the best fighters takes a lot of time, and there's always another person thinking that they're the best fighter in the world, so he issues a challenge to anyone in the world who thinks that they're the best fighter to come to his house and fight.

The day arrives, and HUNDREDS of people have shown up. All of the best practitioners of all the world's martial arts have shown up. There's a group of judoka from Japan, Israeli Krav Maga artists stretching out on one side of the room, the Muay Thai artists are doing light striking to warm up- everyone seems represented here. The guy who started all this says "OK, there are a lot of you here, and the only way we'll be able to finish this today is if we group you all up by discipline, you all form a line, and I'll beat each of you in turn."

So he starts with the wrestlers, who line up one at a time. One at a time they come at him, and none of them last longer than a minute before having their shoulders pinned to the ground. Not only do they all get beaten, but it seems like this guy is actually winning his fights faster as the day goes on! Some of the fighters from the other disciplines watch this display, and they start leaving.

The guy looks at his watch, and realizes that three hours have gone by in fighting the wrestlers. So he gestures to the Muay Thai artists and says "I'll now fight you, but I'll fight you four at a time!" The Muay Thai fighters figure they can knock this guy out quickly, then settle the honor of who the best fighter is amongst themselves, so they line up four by four, rush in, and in a flurry of elbows and knees, they all end up knocked out on the ground. Four by four the Muay Thai fighters rush in, only for this guy to remain standing after all of them. This is intimidating to the other fighters who are watching, and more people start heading home.

H

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 79
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SweetHatDisc
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2022
🚨︎ report
Who is this Rorschach guy?

And why does he draw so many pictures of my parents fighting with each other?!

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ValkornDoA
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2022
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine sent me this.

Qso there's a far-off place that consists of a perfectly triangular lake surrounded by land, with three kingdoms on the three sides of the lake, the first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy. prosperous people, the second kingdom is more humble, but has its fair share of wealth and power, too. the third kingdom is struggling and poor, and barely has an army

the kingdoms eventually go to war over control of the lake, as it's a valuable resource to have, the first kingdom sends 100 of their finest knights, clad in the best armor and each with their own personal squire the second kingdom sends 50 of their knights, with fine leather armor and a few dozen squires of their own. the third kingdom sends their one and only knight, an elderly warrior who has long since passed his prime, with his own personal squire

the night before the big battle, the knights in the first kingdom drink and make merry, partying into the late hours of the night the knights in the second kingdom aren't as well off, but have their own supply of grog and also drink late into the night.

in the third camp, the faithful squire gets a rope and slings it over the branch of a tall tree, making a noose, and hangs a pot from it, he fills the pot with stew and has a humble dinner with the old knight.

the next morning the knights in the first two kingdoms are hung over and unable to fight, while the knight in the third kingdom is old and weary, unable to get up. in place of the knights, the squires from all three kingdoms go and fight the battle lasts long into the night, but by the time the dust settled, only one squire was left standing - the squire from the third kingdom.

and it just goes to show you that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Grim08011112
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2022
🚨︎ report
A fight at an orchestra

One day there was a very heated argument in an orchestra about what instrument is the best. People were so angry that they started fighting each other so the conductor yelled: " Guys, please, nothing good comes from violence!". Consequently, string supporters started beating the shit out of him as well.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eu713
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2022
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My Favorite Dad Joke

There were three medieval kingdoms on the shores of a lake. There was an island in the middle of the lake, over which the kingdoms had been fighting for years. Finally, the three kings decided that they would send their knights out to do battle, and the winner would take the island. The night before the battle, the knights and their squires pitched camp and readied themselves for the fight. The first kingdom had 12 knights, and each knight had five squires, all of whom were busily polishing armor, brushing horses, and cooking food. The second kingdom had twenty knights, and each knight had 10 squires. Everyone at that camp was also busy preparing for battle. At the camp of the third kingdom, there was only one knight, with his squire. This squire took a large pot and hung it from a looped rope in a tall tree. He busied himself preparing the meal, while the knight polished his own armor. When the hour of the battle came, the three kingdoms sent their squires out to fight (this was too trivial a matter for the knights to join in). The battle raged, and when the dust had cleared, the only person left was the lone squire from the third kingdom, having defeated the squires from the other two kingdoms, thus proving that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.

πŸ‘︎ 343
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fracturedsplintX
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2018
🚨︎ report
I dare you to read this

What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!

I heard a scary math joke, but I’m 2^^2 to tell it!

Have you heard of that new movie, β€œConstipation”? Well it doesn’t matter, it never came out.

I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said β€œNo, doc, it’s dis knee.”

Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.

When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses don’t cause reactions, after all.

What’s the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.

What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!

I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."

Why can’t you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!

Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.

Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? You don’t wanna wake the sleeping pills.

What twitches and is found at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck!

What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller!

What do you call a 3 foot tall psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large!

Help, I can’t stop reading books with female protagonists! I’m a heroine addict!

How did Sparticus react when he ate his wife for dinner? He was gladiator!

When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!

19 and 20 got into a fight… 21.

My friend told me, β€œPeople who sell meat are disgusting!” So I said, β€œYeah, well people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!”

How can turtles take photos of themselves? Shell-fie sticks!

What do you call a secret agent molecule? Bond… ionic bond. β€œTaken, not shared.” What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? (Cut this part, but make a screeching noise)

How much does Santa’s sleigh cost? $0, it’s on the house.

If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight there would be mass confusion.

I had a splinter once; it eventually got out of hand.

I’m going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, I’m outstanding.

Most people are shocked to find out how terrible an electrician I am!

What do mermaids wash their fins with? Tide What’s the coolest place to use the bathroom? The Lil Jon

Did you know that on average, people want three covers on their bed at all times? But that’s just a blanket statem

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kinjago
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
An Ode to 2 Dead boys!

One broad day in the middle of the night, 2 dead boys got up to fight! Back-to-back they faced each other, they drew their swords and shot each other. A deaf policeman heard the noise so he came and shot the 2 dead boys, if you don't believe my story is true ask the blind man he saw it too!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mylar321
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm a street performer at the Minnesota Renaissance Festival. I tell punny jokes there, thought you'd enjoy them.

The King is in love with the Spanish Armada, in fact you could say he warships it.

I got into a fight with a group of jesters, I escaped by going for the juggler.

I recently read "Gulliver's Travels" it was a Swift read.

Have you read the book about traveling through hell? It's a Dante-ing read.

Q: How many animals can you fight into the Lord High Sheriff's tights? A: Ten piggies, two calves, a rooster and an ass.

Vikings raided the royal cheese supply, they left nothing behind but de Brie.

I met a wizard, I told him he looked like a mana action.

The unskilled mason forget to put a water supply in the new castle. He did not keep well.

The angry archer was so surly he had everyone convinced he was a cross bowman.

The failed stone cutter also lost his job as a bounty hunter. He could never find his quarry.

The nun kept spilling sacramental wine on herself. She made a bad habit of it.

The pope enjoys chocolate on his boat. He like sailing indulgences.

The pope loves summer, they say he is infallible.

Two fae fell in love. They keep fauning over each other.

The knight suffered from boils, he had to get them lanced.

Why did the wood nymph use some much lotion? Because she had dryad skin.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kbdekker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2016
🚨︎ report
A dad poem

Ladies and gentleman, Hoboes and tramps, Cross-eyed beetles, And bow-legged ants. Pull up a seat, And sit on the floor.

I'm going to tell you a story I know nothing about.

One dark day, In the middle of the night. Two dead boys, They stood up to fight.

Back to back They faced each other. Drew their swords, And shot each other. The deaf policeman heard it all, She came to shoot those two dead boys.

Don't believe this lie is true? Go ahead, ask the blind man. He saw it, too.

//Don't know who to credit this, it's a poem my parents taught me at a young age.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/astucker85
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
🚨︎ report
One fine day....

...in the middle of the night.

Two dead men got up to fight.

Back to back they faced each other,

drew their swords...

And shot each other!

How do you escape Prison?

Bang your head against the wall until it's sore.

Saw your bed in half,

Two halves make a whole,

Crawl through the hole,

Shout until you're hoarse,

Climb on the horse and gallop away!

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cyberplasm
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2013
🚨︎ report
Why don't skeletons fight each other?

They don't have the guts.

πŸ‘︎ 130
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FlyingWombat77
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2023
🚨︎ report
Why don’t skeletons fight each other?

They don’t have guts!!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yashrajt
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
🚨︎ report
It is really unfortunate that Islam, Christianity, and Judaism have been fighting each other for centuries.

Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Utkarsh_Anand2004
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2022
🚨︎ report
It’s kind of sad that Christianity, Judaism, and Islam have been fighting each other for centuries.

Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.

πŸ‘︎ 501
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife and I started fighting each other whilst wearing boxing gloves and 'Eye of the Tiger' playing in the background...

We are going through a Rocky patch!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
🚨︎ report
If 2 vegans are fighting with each other, is it still called beef?
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/laurenthedesigner
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Two odd numbers are having a fight.

They keep fighting until both of them lose a value of one. They stop fighting, look at each other, and say: β€œWell I guess we’re even now”.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MikidaSquid
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2021
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 88
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
My son asked me for a story

So I told him one my father told me and his father, etc.

 One fine day in the middle of the night, two dead boys got up to fight. Back to back they faced each other, drew their swords and shot each other. If you don’t think this story is true son then ask the blind man he saw it too. 

He looked at me and said β€œthat doesn’t make any sense!”

β€œIt doesn’t make any dollars either, son.”

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MigraineMan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
🚨︎ report
The Three Kingdoms

so there’s a far-off place that consists of a perfectly triangular lake surrounded by land, with three kingdoms on the three sides of the lake. the first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy, prosperous people. the second kingdom is more humble, but has its fair share of wealth and power, too. the third kingdom is struggling and poor, and barely has an army.

the kingdoms eventually go to war over control of the lake, as it’s a valuable resource to have. the first kingdom sends 100 of their finest knights, clad in the best armor and each with their own personal squire. the second kingdom sends 50 of their knights, with fine leather armor and a few dozen squires of their own. the third kingdom sends their one and only knight, an elderly warrior who has long since passed his prime, with his own personal squire.

the night before the big battle, the knights in the first kingdom drink and make merry, partying into the late hours of the night. the knights in the second kingdom aren’t as well off, but have their own supply of grog and also drink late into the night.

in the third camp, the faithful squire gets a rope and slings it over the branch of a tall tree, making a noose, and hangs a pot from it. he fills the pot with stew and has a humble dinner with the old knight.

the next morning, the knights in the first two kingdoms are hung over and unable to fight, while the knight in the third kingdom is old and weary, unable to get up. in place of the knights, the squires from all three kingdoms go and fight. the battle lasts long into the night, but by the time the dust settled, only one squire was left standing - the squire from the third kingdom.

and it just goes to show you that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sirmonkey95
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2015
🚨︎ report

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