Fedelini Demon
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2020
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When you discover that Fedelini you bought several months ago
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigSchlongDave
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
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[Homemade] Eggplant and okra. Fedelini pasta.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/diningchair_tokyo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
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(Warning: Morbid dad joke) True Story -- My family were planning my mum's funeral. We always try to keep things light and try to stay positive, just as Mum would have it...

The funeral director was asking us what we think Mum should wear in her casket.

Mum always loved to wear sarongs (fabric wraps that go around the torso and drape downward a bit like a long skirt would), so my uncle suggested that she wear a sarong in there.

The funeral director looked a bit confused, as did some of our family members, to which my uncle added:

"What's sarong with that?"

I started laughing like an idiot. He was proud of it too. The funeral director was rather shocked. We assured her, and our more proper relatives, that Mum would've absolutely loved the joke (which is very true).

His delivery was perfect. I'll never forget the risk he took. We sometimes recall the moment as a way help cushion the blows of the grieving process.

--Edit-- I appreciate the condolences. I'm doing well and the worst is behind me and my family. But thanks :)

--Edit-- Massive thanks for all the awards and kind words. And the puns! Love 'em.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zipflop
πŸ“…︎ May 12
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If my son ever came out to be trans then I wouldn’t have a son anymore

I would have a daughter

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Captbeauner
πŸ“…︎ May 07
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Ah yes, pretty hip
πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/entertainer011
πŸ“…︎ May 09
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Dis-a-
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/krismoff
πŸ“…︎ May 06
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What is the fastest growing city in the world?

Capital of Ireland

It's Dublin everyday

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeaPanties
πŸ“…︎ May 16
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Such a pointless conversation.
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/david_pridson
πŸ“…︎ May 16
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Don't know if this was posted here before
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/choclite69
πŸ“…︎ May 10
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What the fuck has happened to this sub!?

http://m.imgur.com/ImM3RWz

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FwootHotCaacon
πŸ“…︎ May 16
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Bill and Melinda Gates got divorced. Melinda got the house...

But Bill kept the Windows

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScubaPride
πŸ“…︎ May 05
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From my 5-year-old son: "Hey"

True story; it even happened last night. My 5-year-old son walks up behind me and out of the blue says, "hey."

I turn to him and say, "yeah, kiddo? What's up?"

He responds, "it's dead grass."

I'm really confused and trying to figure out what's wrong and what he wants from me. "What? There's dead grass? What's wrong with that?"

.

.

.

He says, totally straight-faced, "hay is dead grass," and runs off.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ“…︎ May 10
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If you slap Dwayne Johnsons butt

You officially hit rock bottom

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joeytherealking
πŸ“…︎ May 14
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Bit coin or something idk
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/naughtyballsack
πŸ“…︎ May 16
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What rhymes with orange.

No it doesn't.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Remo1975
πŸ“…︎ May 08
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There will be point in the future when Canada will take over the world.

And then you will all be sorry.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 01
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My Bluetooth speaker wasn’t working so I threw it into the lake.

Now it’s syncing.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ May 11
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In surgery my doctor said, "So what do we have here?" I replied that I broke my arm in 12 places."

He replied, "Well, stop going to those places then!"

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAzrael2013
πŸ“…︎ May 08
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She seems to be having a field day out there.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fedamasavasol
πŸ“…︎ May 17
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To the person who stole my MS Office License.

I will find you. You have my Word.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Regclusive
πŸ“…︎ May 03
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I told my wife I saw a deer on the way to work.

She said how do you know he was headed to work?

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PensionNo8124
πŸ“…︎ May 07
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Water pun
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/duckykitty7
πŸ“…︎ May 14
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In honor of Mother’s Day, I’d just like to say,

β€œthank you for your cervix.”

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rusto_Dusto
πŸ“…︎ May 09
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I've started a boat building business in my attic...

...sails are going through the roof.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xholdsteadyx
πŸ“…︎ May 13
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He is right there...
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jointly_epic
πŸ“…︎ May 12
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I got banned from /r/DadJokes for posting, "Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms!"

Mods said I'm a cereal reposter...

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ May 07
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What do you call a drunk person fumbling with their car keys?

A taxi

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SubstantialBelly6
πŸ“…︎ May 13
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Initially I didn’t believe that my chiropractor was any good.

But now I stand corrected.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
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*Triggering britishers*
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/potato_patataa
πŸ“…︎ May 03
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Guys, today was my first day in the navy and I felt so lost!

Wait. Sorry, wrong sub.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nikolai_G
πŸ“…︎ May 05
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And on that note
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcastic_gooner
πŸ“…︎ May 11
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My whole life I thought Chewbacca was an Ewok....

Wookie mistake.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 12
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I'm so proud. My 12-year old told this joke during dinner: What degree does Dr. Pepper have?

Theoretical Fizz-ics

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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
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Knight Knight
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shevelled
πŸ“…︎ May 09
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originally posted on r/tumblr by u/MaetelofLaMetal
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 26
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Why is Dark spelled with a β€˜K’ and not a β€˜C’?

Because you can’t β€˜C’ in the dark

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πŸ‘€︎ u/streety22
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
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My Dad just sent me this
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/metroracerUK
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
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He gave the toy horses a home in his ___
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πŸ‘€︎ u/7keletor
πŸ“…︎ May 07
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It is
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/egyptiancowboy05
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
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My grandfather was always terrible until I had my first child

Now he’s a great grandfather

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ErnestEugeneBoggs
πŸ“…︎ May 16
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My wife said, β€œI don’t really understand the science behind human cloning.”

I said, β€œThat makes two of us.”

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 09
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There were 30 cows and 28 chicken. How many didn't?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rozen007
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19
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I caught my son chewing on an electrical cord...

so I had to ground him.

He's doing better currently.

And conducting himself properly.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/XIIXOO
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19
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This one cracked me
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WetSoggyTaco
πŸ“…︎ May 13
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What has two butts and kills people?

An assassin

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buttered_t0asties
πŸ“…︎ May 13
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