Just wrote a book about falling down the stair case

It's a step-by-step guide

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Louis_T_252
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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I broke my upper arm falling down the stairs.

It's quite humerus if you think about it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Travisv36
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
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What do you call a smart-ass prisoner falling down the stairs ?

A condescending con descending.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joe4645
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
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Whats the similarity between people wearing glasses walking down the stairs and people without glasses falling down the stairs?

Spectacles

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JawnsDoesReddit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2018
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A guide on how to fall down the stairs

Step 1, Step 2, Step 3, Step 6, Step 12

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Connor0388
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
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How to: fall down the stairs!

(Sorry for formatting i’m on mobile)

Step 1

Step 2

Step 4

Step 6

Step 12

Step 15

Step 22

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk

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πŸ‘€︎ u/danielpatters22
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
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What happens when a cow falls down the stairs?

A milkshake

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πŸ‘€︎ u/i-wanna-kms
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
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How do you fall down the stairs, with two pitchers of Kool Aid, and still survive?

Roll with the PUNCHES!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RCRadioCarbon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
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Why did the man fall down the stairs?

He didn't read the step-by-step instructions

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πŸ‘€︎ u/roman-app-dev
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2018
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A man named Dave. Long joke!

A man named Dave comes home very drunk late at night...

So this guy has been drinking with his buddies all night and he's as drunk as a skunk, gets home, falls up the stairs, undresses and goes to bed next to his wife. He falls asleep and next thing he knows, bang, he dies and finds himself waiting at the pearly gates.

The guy refuses to believe this is happening, he says to St. Peter: "This can't be possible, I'm a healthy man! This is not the way I die. You have to let me return down there!"
The guy can see St. Peter looks like he's feeling sorry for him, but he tells him that unfortunately, there's no policy for allowing people back on Earth. The guy insists: "But come on, there's got to be something you can do! I'll put up with anything, really, as long as you let me go back down."
So St. Peters tells him: "Well really, there's just this one possibility: you can go back, but only as a hen. That's the only thing we can allow." The guy guesses that this really is his only chance, so he agrees reluctantly.
So he's back on Earth in this beautiful chicken coop, the sun is shining, there's green grass everywhere, this is hen paradise. The other hens greet him with delight and he tells them his story, everything goes nicely. But then he feels kind of unwell, there's something wrong with his stomach. He asks this old hen: "Tell me, I've got this weird feeling in my belly, I'm not too well. What is happening to me?"

The old hen: "Well dearie, we hens lay eggs, you know. I bet you've never laid a nice egg before... You need to push it out now, and you'll feel much better after!"
So the guy pushes and pushes, and wham, out pops his first egg. The old hen congratulates him and he feels much better. But not 5 minutes later, his pain comes back. He returns to the old hen for advice.

"Well dearie, it's quite special but it happens that you need to lay TWO eggs, so go back there and keep pushing!"
So he goes back to his nest and pushes, and nothing comes, and he pushes harder, and wham, out comes his second egg! He feels much better, but not 2 minutes later, you guessed it, he's back in terrible pain and goes to see the old hen.

"What's this bullshit here, and don't tell me I've got a third egg to lay!" The old hen can't make head or tail of it and just tells him that when in doubt, he should be pushing. So the guy goes back to work and then, wham, his wife wakes him up with this smashing slap in the face and yells: "*Dave! Dave wake up you’re

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kmaff90
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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Alcoholics don’t run in my family

But sometimes they fall down the stairs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
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What goes black white black white black white black white black white thump???

A nun falling down the stairs.

What's black and white and laughs???

The nun that pushed her.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tungur_Knivur2020
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
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This guy’s walking home from work, really late, in the pitch black of night...

There isn’t another soul on the street.

Suddenly, from out of the gloom, comes an ominous bump...bump…bump.

He looks behind him and spots a furtive, shadowy thing coming down the street after him.

Unnerved, he picks up his pace, finally breaking into a panicked run.

He looks behind him again, and the shadow is closer.

Bump…bump…bump.

The glow of a streetlight illuminates the shadow momentarily, and, to the man’s horror, it is a coffin, bumping down the sidewalk.

He quickens his pace, running as fast as he can go, but the coffin only pursues more quickly.

BUMP…BUMP…BUMP!

He reaches his house, fumbles frantically for his keys, and slips in the door just as the coffin reaches his front steps.

He slams the door and leans against it, catching his breath.

Bump…bump…bump.

There is a moment’s silence, and the man wonders if he dares to breathe.

Suddenly…. Bump…bump…bump…Bump…

BUMP! BUMP!

BUMPBUMPBUMPCRAAAAASH!!!!

He rebounds away as the door breaks off its hinges.

Scrambling to his feet, he charges up the stairs, and the coffin races after.

BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP!

Terrified, he backs into a corner and starts throwing everything within reach at the coffin β€” a handful of papers, a vase, a box of crackers, a lamp β€” but the coffin keeps coming!

BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP INCHESFROMHISFACE, and nothing seems to slow it down!

His hands fall upon a bottle of cough syrup, and he throws that at the coffin, too!

The coffin stops.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2016
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My dad's favorite spooky Halloween joke

My dad told me this the first time on Halloween night back when I was 9. He tells it to this day to any of my cousins, nephews, or any kids that happen to linger too long at the house when he's giving out candy. It's a long one but I have always enjoyed it.

Back when I was about your age, I went on a Halloween adventure. There was an old abandoned house on our street where a series of grisly axe murders had taken place years before. The house had never sold and was left vacant and was left to fall apart. There was a local legend that if you went into the house on Halloween night, you'd be confronted by the ghost of the murderer himself, still looking for more victims to add to his terrifying story.

My friend Tom and I decided to go through with it one year. Knowing everyone would be too terrified to go into the house, we snuck in easily on Halloween night. The place was falling apart inside, the carpet was wet and moldy and the wallpaper was peeling off everywhere. We headed down carefully to the basement down a set of creaky stairs.

At first we found nothing. Just an empty creepy old house. Suddenly we felt as if we were being watched. I was looking through one of the rooms in the large basement when I suddenly heard Tom shriek. I spun around and turned my flashlight and Tom was being chased by something, no someone. It looked like it was the murderer! A crazed man with an axe!

We turned and tried to run anywhere. We were in the basement but couldn't get up the stairs because we were blocked. We ran into the side room which looked like it might have been the laundry years ago. We locked the door and looked for a way out. The only thing we could find was a small window that opened onto ground level. As I climbed out I heard a pounding on the door. I managed to wriggle my way through the window and turned around to help my friend Tom. Panicking, he managed to get his top half through the window when I noticed the pounding stop.

Tom was stuck! I kept trying to pull him up but I couldn't. I pulled as hard as I could as Tom panicked and thrashed even more. I thought something had him caught, but it was even worse. The murderer had gotten behind him and was holding him back! He was too strong for me to overcome and he was pulling Tom's leg!

Just like I've been pulling yours this whole time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheG-What
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2015
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Old doctors never die they just lose their patience

I had just taken a fall down a flight of stairs and hit my head the week before so my dad and I went to visit the radiologist to gets some scans done to monitor the damage. After the scans were finished the radiologist went to talk to my dad about the results. When they had finished talking my dad came to talk to me with a grave look on his face. Dad: bleedingllamadance I'm sorry to say, they found something on the scan... Me: What did they find? Am I going to be okay? Dad: I'm sorry but.... they found a brain! (laughs until he starts wheezing) Dad: But actually you do have a hairline fracture on your skull

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πŸ“…︎ May 29 2014
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My Drivers Ed instructor felt the silence

We were taking a final in drivers ed and one of the questions was "How long does it take to fall into a stare" and the instructor said, "Wait a minute I have to go stretch" and so he walked outside so we could see him out the window and he proceeded to intentionally trip down the stairs. He walked back inside and said "That should answer that," and everyone sat their uncomfortably until he looked closer at the paper and said, "oh, I thought it asked how long does it take to fall into a stair". Needless to say there was the longest uncomfortable silence, accompanied by a faint cough in the back...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fourstago
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2015
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Step by step guide on how to fall down the stairs.

Step 1:

Step 2:

Step 4:

Step 7:

Step 12:

Step 18:

Step 25:

Hospital

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FriedLime
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
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How to fall down the stairs...

Step 1

Step 2

Step 5

Step 9

Step 12

Floor

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
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A guide on how to fall down the stairs:

Step 1, Step 2, Step 3, Step 6, Step 12

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Cosmic_Kitten
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
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How to fall down the stairs, a step by step guide

Step 1. Step2. Step 3. Step 4. Step 5. Step 6. ...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/patmcheese
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
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How to Fall down the Stairs: A Simple How-To

Step 1

Step 2

Step 3

Step 6

Step 12

Step 20

And that concludes my simple how-to.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/creightongw
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
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How to fall down the stairs

Step 1

Step 2

Step 3

Step 6

Step 12

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_BBYGRL_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2019
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How to fall down the stairs

Step 1

Step 2

Step 4

Step 7

Step 10

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Flashkitty10
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
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How to fall down the stairs:

Step 1, Step 2, Step 4, Step 7, Step 12.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cambodiansonic
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2018
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How to fall down the stairs

step 1

step 2

step 5

step 9

step 11

step 14

step 19

step 23

*Results may vary

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_BlNG_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2017
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A quick guide on how to fall down the stairs

Step 1 Step 3 Step 6 Step 9,10,11,12

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sweaty_Bollocks
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2018
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