I might lose vision in both my eyes soon

Trying to stay optometristic about it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/amowdy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
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I can cut down a tree only using my vision. It's true! I saw it with my own eyes!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2018
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Got really bad eyesight, but at the end of this year I’ll get eye surgery to improve my vision, so hopefully next year it will be...

2020

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πŸ‘€︎ u/frankaydoodl
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
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Guess who I bumped into on my way to get my glasses fixed?

Everybody

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
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I can cut a piece of wood in half just by looking at it.

I know it's hard to believe, but I saw it with my own two eyes.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChewyNutCluster
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
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Why is booze better than carrots?

Carrots maybe good for your eyes, but booze will double your vision

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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The only thing I have planned for today is to get my new glasses

Then I’ll see what happens

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yriahm
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
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A blind person was eating seafood

It didn’t help.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nom_nom44
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
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People who wear glasses must be excited for next year.

It's the first time they'll see 2020.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nikkobe
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
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2020 is going to be filled with so many puns about perfect vision

I can’t wait to see them all

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Volumed_Coyote_60
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
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This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

β€œWell” said Jeff, β€œAs I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

β€œYes of course” replied Trevor

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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Did you know that your eyesight actually gets better as you get older?

It's called adult supervision.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2015
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No eye’d deer.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still, no eye’d deer.

What do you call a deer with 20/20 vision? Now that’s a good eye’d deer!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JLamBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
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Best Joke I’ve Ever Heard As An Optician

I was working a pre-assessment with an older guy before his exam and while I was checking his vision he stops and says;

β€œI was at the eye doctor the other day and I told the doc, β€˜hey man, why is it that everywhere I look, all I see is penises?’ The doctor told me, β€˜well, that’s because you’re cock-eyed.’”

I stopped what I was doing and laughed pretty hard, pretty loud, and shook the guys hand and told him he was hired.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theoverseer20
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
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The hidden puns of LexisNexis

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

  • Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
  • It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
  • What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
  • Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
  • Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
  • Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
  • If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
  • Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
  • Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
  • American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
  • The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
  • Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
  • Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
  • Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
  • Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
  • Rittal me this, Batman!
  • Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
  • Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
  • If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
  • When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
  • You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
  • Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
  • Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
  • Don't think Seton is
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
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20/20 vision

So the other day I was talking with a mother with twin one year olds. She was saying

"Sometimes I wonder if he is even watching the kids?"

I replied "Of course he is, dads have great vision! Our hindsight is 20/20!"

Cue eye roll laugh...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dtjeepcherokee
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2016
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The year 2020 is going to be filled with so many puns about perfect vision

I can just see it now.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BradC
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2017
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