I said to my kids, "Never let anyone tell you what you can and can't do! Take Beethoven for example. They told him he could not be a musician because he was deaf!"

"But he didn't listen!"

πŸ‘︎ 226
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
I don't mind foreign dishes, for example we ate some halal food last week

I think they called it Allah carte

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ledgerdemaine
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Character spacing is important, for example: ...

...writing: "I have a music album". 🎢

...versus: "I have a musical bum". 🎺

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Everyone works out different for example I do jujitsu

But that’s just how I roll

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ztronic412
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I never tell jokes about food for example…

If I tell a joke about a banana peel I have a tendency to slip up and I butcher all the jokes about meat.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Aceto1469
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Being cooped up in the house for so long has led me to attempt new hobbies. As an example, I'm currently studying how to adapt French phrases to describe the situation.

You could say it's my maison d'Γͺtre.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
🚨︎ report
As one grows older, one has to look on the positive in situations. For example, the other day I fell down the stairs, and I thought to myself:

"That's the fastest I've moved in years!"

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Pun-ishing rant to those who think puns aren't funny, for them to use as an example.

I wanna punt all the spunky diction pundits, that attempt to expunge the joy from punsters, right in their puny footballs. They're punks who attempt to puncture holes in our word play, finding it punitive to their, self described, punticulously crafted humor. The pungent smell of their looming punishment is in the air . Now is the punctual time to place the punctuation on this punchline.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RickToThaDiculous
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Interlingual puns are fun. For example, in Wenzhounese, tomatoes are called "faka."
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Luyidraws
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2017
🚨︎ report
My husband’s adding to his stash of dad jokes for our future childrenβ€”here’s an especially eye-rolling example when we were walking back from class today.

I noticed a couple of really cute ground squirrels that have started a little community next to the soccer field at our college campus, and pointed them out. This was his reply.

DH: Oh man, they’re adorable! Can you buy one of those at a pet store? I wonder how much they’d gopher....

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lifeinsuitcase
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Dad jokes aren't for everyone, but just in case here's an example

Example

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/omfgLJDA
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2016
🚨︎ report
Do you ever think back to child hood and regret not make enough puns? For example: (History) Vladamir Putin more than halved the poverty rate during his first term.

(Under breath but loud enough that everyone can hear) guess he was really Puttin some work in

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ProllyWasted
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2015
🚨︎ report
Some examples of high quality posts for /r/DadJokes to admire.

http://i.imgur.com/KaoaXcU.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ranzear
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2015
🚨︎ report
/u/DaftYao asks for pictures of hair length examples from different clipper guards. /u/815josh complies.

http://www.reddit.com/r/malehairadvice/comments/27ru6x/pictures_of_hair_length_from_different_clipper/ci3wu6m?context=3

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TuskenRaiders
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2014
🚨︎ report
I don't like people who take drugs...

For example, airport security.

πŸ‘︎ 126
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/InsanityRose7
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
woof
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Alienbeef0421
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
🚨︎ report
You know I hate engineer students sometimes

For example I hate it when engineer students call themself engineers like you don't hear med students calling themself doctors or art students calling themself unemployed.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/worthrone11160606
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Help!! Creative Minds Needed!!

My Dad has recently shown a fascination with space and NASA. Long story short, Christmas is coming up and my plan is to surprise him with an all expense paid trip to Florida for 4 days with passes to the Kennedy Space Center. I’d schedule it around a launch so he would be able to see it in person. As well as checking out the area a bit since we’re there.

Which is where I need your help! I want to coordinate hints with presents that slightly hint at the trip. For example, I picked out a NASA tshirt, a space shuttle plush toy, assorted astronaut ice cream, socks that have planets and a rocket on them, mug that says β€œcoolest dad in the galaxy,” a map/atlas of florida, and luggage tags. And the final gift I’m thinking will be a letter that puts all the clues together and would include the plane tickets, car rental agreement, hotel confirmation, and the admission tickets in an envelope.

Can anyone give me ideas on what hints to use??

  • I’m still adding/taking away present ideas so if anyone has any better ideas please let me know!!

Thank you so much!! Any type of help is appreciated!! I don’t really have that β€œcreative” part of the mind... whether it be a rhyme or dad joke-y type hint, it doesn’t matter!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I found the perfect password solution

I use the date of birth of a person I know. For example from Margarete von Henneberg. Nobody knows her. So how should someone get my password 1234?

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pol_Ice
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Need help figuring out a pun

My work uses punny names for all its example scenarios. Things like Dustin Dubree, Dora Jarr, Duane Pipes, etc.

One of them is David Jochim and no one in my class of 7 can figure this out.

So it’s either not a pun, or we’re dense.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CarcosanAnarchist
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Herbal essentials

Noted researcher Rosemary Fuller was involved in a lab accident today. She's working on the theory that herb-based formulas can actually reverse or accelerate the aging process. Parsley, for example, has been shown to cause rapid aging, and recent efforts have shown good results with oregano-based anti-aging serums. Ms Fuller was, unfortunately, standing near a vat of simmering oregano serum when a nearby researcher nudged her and she fell in! It appeared at first that the anti-aging serum would cause her to de-age down to nothing. Now, though, it looks like she'll be all right. The Parsley's aged Rosemary in time.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/berenaltorin
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
TIL the first photo was not from 1826, but in fact over 2000 years earlier in ancient egypt:

"TheΒ earliest exampleΒ of a prosthesis ever discovered is not a leg, arm, or even a fake eye, it’s a toe. A big toe, belonging to a noblewoman, was found in Egypt and dated to between 950-710 B.C.E"

...the very, very first faux toe ;)

Non pun related, the egyptians were the first to grind lenses too, not used as glasses but instead inserted into statues for creepy eye effects

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/berninicaco3
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Not to brag, but I have sychic powers.

For example, right now you’re thinking, β€œIt’s psychic, idiot.”

πŸ‘︎ 380
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I invented a new myth to delight my kids

There once was a greedy ore mining magnate who wished that everything he touched would turn into iron. He was careful to always wear gloves except when making huge loads of ore, except for one day when a mosquito landed on his knee. Not thinking, the magnate slapped his leg with his exposed hand. His knee immediately became metallic and the sudden change to his blood pressure caused almost instantaneous death.

Later in the morgue the Coroner noted that it was a classic example of situational iron knee.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CapnFancyPants
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Just another viral rant.

All right reddit, I have to get this off my chest. I’m absolutely SICK of this pandemic. Everywhere I go, I’m constantly being PESTERED to wipe down surfaces and sanitize my hands. It’s a complete infestation of my personal space!

Let’s face it, our ailing democratic rights have taken a huge hit. And this is a symptom of a larger problem. Namely, our ruling class seems totally impaired! We are being totally ill-informed by people who claim they know everything about this disease.

For example, this whole situation has been plagued with problems since the beginning! It’s a scourge on what’s left of humanity.

So I say, it’s time to break out of the shackles and seize our lives back! We need to combat this virus that flew around the world with everything we’ve got. Because this lock down is bugging the hell out of me! This is a cold call to do your part. The health of our society depends on it!

Happy quarantine, everyone!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/daloonik
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
🚨︎ report
This pun made my friend not want to talk to me for a day

Ok, so this one needs a bit of buildup.

At the time (a week or so ago) I was making a homebrew item for DnD (for the uninformed, Homebrew are custom made items/classes/spells to use in a DnD game at the discretion of the DM (Dungeon Master)).

I had shown this item (shameless plug) to my friend (who is also the DM of the campaign I'm in now) in the hopes of using it in the campaign. He had pointed out that the item was a bit OP for it's cost and that the homebrew page I had made for it was too long. We were discussing ways to improve both the item and the page, and then got on the topic of magic items in general.

It went something along the lines of this:

DM: ... you can't really destroy a magic item before removing the magic from it. Like, you could try to melt down a magic sword for example, but all that would really do is make it too hot to hold. You could even bend it, but not outright destroy it.

Me: That's gotta be one pissed off magic sword.

DM: I mean, yeah, if it's sentient.

Me: Maybe it got so angry at being bent, that it gains sentience just spite you or something.

DM: Well, yeah maybe.

And this, people of reddit, is when the PUN, popped into my head.

Me: *leans in* you could say that the sword gained sentience cuz it got... bent out of shape.

A second or two of silence, and I see the pun register in his head, and I fucking lost it.

I then laugh for a straight minute. After about ten secunds of me busting a gut, he said "Aight, Imma head out"

We're cool now, but he really didn't want to talk to me the next day.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Posted on behalf of my actual father who thinks he’s hilarious πŸ˜ͺπŸ˜‚

We all know that pokemon evolve after being trained for a while. There is a little known fact that some PokΓ©mon evolve into different PokΓ©mon based on how you raise them.

For example,did you know if you raise a pikachu badly it evolves into a nasty little PokΓ©mon called pissed-at-chu!!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Help me help a friend: need a good pun

Hi, a friend of mine had to organize a β€œtheme”week for a Biology student’s association. The name of the theme has to be a biology pun. Examples are: smells like green spirit, game of thorns, sofishticated or the great catsby.

These names were all used in the past and now she needs new names. Help me out, thanks in advance.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Foxlair
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
🚨︎ report
[Request] Can anyone please help me come up with a business name that is a Bob's Burgers-level pun?

The neighboring store front and exterminator van in the opening credits have the best punny business names and always crack me up. I'm a fan and would love to name my business in a similar fashion. ETA Examples: I'd Hit That Boxing Gym. Lady and the Clamp, Hardware for Her. A Fridge Too Far. Cupid's Stupid, Divorce Attorneys. A Ton in the Oven, Big and Tall Baby Clothes. Let's Scissor! Collage Studio. Don't Stop Bereaving, Grief Counseling.

But I am So. Stuck.

A little background about my business idea: I'm a personal/sometimes virtual assistant specializing in household admin and management. I'm marketing mostly towards blue collar men who might be widows/divorcees who never had to worry about the general finances and household paperwork. Some of the services offered are: budget setting, bill paying, appointment setting/calendar management, travel arrangements, errands, personal & grocery shopping, pet & house sitting, etc...

I'm ready to take the next steps in making this an actual business and take out some ad space, but the perfectionist in me NEEDS a brilliant name. Can someone please help me? The best I can come up with is some sort of play on Pepper Potts, but I see quite a few VAs out there with that as a business name. I will gift a platinum to the one I like the best if that's appropriate.

Thank you in advance! πŸ”

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EmElleGee31
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
🚨︎ report
They key to being a good boxer is to not become overconfident.

For example, I only trust my punches as far as I can throw them.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I was really enjoying this documentary about bridge building, until...

Until they started using examples from foreign countries. That's a bridge too far for me.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ogilvy120
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Pun Request!!!

Hey all! I'm writing a play for my third grade class all about healthy habits and it's full of TV parodies. One show is Game of Thrones. For example, one character is Jon Snowpea. Can you guys help me come up with some food or exercise puns for the full title of Danaerys: Daenerys of the House Targaryen, the First of Her Name,Β The Unburnt, Queen of the Andals, the Rhoynar and the First Men, Queen of Meereen, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Protector of the Realm, Lady Regent of the Seven Kingdoms,Β Breaker of ChainsΒ andΒ Mother of Dragons”. Thanks!!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AllieBallie22
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Fascinate

A class of third graders are sitting down at their desks one morning when their teacher walks in.

β€œGood morning class, today we’ll be working on our English. Can someone use the word Fascinate in a sentence for me?”

Little girl in the front row raises her hand high, squirming in her seat. β€œThe stars last night were fascinating.”

Teacher looks at her and says,”Close, I want you to use the word Fascinate.”

A boy near the middle of the room stands up and says,”I’m fascinated by the ocean and it’s creatures.”

β€œThat’s still not the answer I’m looking for.” The teacher says. β€œCan anyone give me an example of Fascinate in a sentence.”

A quiet boy in the back stands up, clears his throat and says,”My grandmother came over last night wearing her new dress. It has ten buttons in the the front but her boobies are so big she can only fasten eight of them.”

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LiCill666
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
🚨︎ report
There is a fine line between saving and killing

Take 911 for example

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Firestone9999
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Can anyone help me come up with soccer player/Halloween puns

Any help will be much appreciated! Some examples for what I need are..

Count Ronaldo, Lionel Mummy, and Frankeneymar

These are kinda week lol give me some of your best ones!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jonathantj12
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know that commas can change the meaning of a sentence.

For example

Ben is in a hurry

vs

Ben is in a comma

πŸ‘︎ 317
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SatanJoshKelpie22
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
🚨︎ report
A joke that takes a while to evolve

To celebrate the 200th birthday of Charles Darwin, the scientific community joined together for a party. As is common at such gatherings, the Biologists began to argue about what species was the most suited to its environment. Finally after much heated debate, a group of scientists pledged to spend the rest of the year exhaustively researching the Biological record to once and for all determine which creature was the ultimate example of adaptivity and proficiency ever to live.

Yesterday, the results were announced at the National Academy of Sciences. The creature identified as the most adaptive and proficient in Earth's history was a previously unknown animal from the Mesozoic era, a water dwelling insect that thrived for a hundred million years.

It was ... a FishAnt

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CapnFancyPants
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I have sycic powers.

For example, a second ago, you thought, β€œThe dude doesn’t know how to spell psychic.”

πŸ‘︎ 720
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2018
🚨︎ report
Help me come up with a pun for work!!!

So I’m going to be in charge of a team for work and I need a punny team name involving one of the following words/phrases.

I want my team to be dinosaur/Jurassic Park themed and my company is called Caption Call.

I need to use something from the following list:

Caption Captioner Callers CA CAs Dictate

For example there’s another team called β€œCaption America”

The best I’ve come up with is β€œveloci-captioners” but it’s a reach...

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DudleyTheDino
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Not everything that glitters is gold.

For example, glitter.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/blackcatice
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report
[Request] Cone-Based Band Names

I'm looking for band names that involve the word cone (specifically traffic cones). A few examples I have come up with are "The Rolling Cones," "Earth Wind and Cone," and "The Conas Brothers." I'm sure there are lots of good ones that I'm not thinking of.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Devosity28
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2018
🚨︎ report
Never let anyone tell you what you can and can't do. Take Beethoven, for example. They told him he couldn't be a musician because he was deaf...

...but he didn't listen...

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Never let anyone tell you what you can and can't do! Take Beethoven for example...

They told him he couldn't be a musician because he was deaf...but he didn't listen!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2018
🚨︎ report
You know I hate engineer students sometimes.

For example I hate it when engineer students call themself engineers like you don't hear med students calling themself doctors or art students calling themself the next hitler

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/worthrone11160606
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I don’t like people who take drugs…

For example, airport security.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Natty383
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2018
🚨︎ report
I said to my kids, "Never let anyone tell you what you can and can't do!"

"Take Beethoven for example, they told him he could not be a musician because he was deaf...but he didn't listen!"

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2017
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.