Ernest Willows Puns

Billboard Hot 100 chart

I am aware that the title of this post is very ambiguous and mean a lot of different things, but I just don't know how to title posts properly and this is probably the best attempt I can summarize what I am asking for.

These days I feel as if I am losing more and more motivation in real life, like I am stuck in a limbo. I can describe this limbo as, 'Write all you want, this isn't gonna be your best work- and you know it'. It helps, I guess. But what I feel is lacking in the draft I am currently writing is that I don't know what my tone is nor my theme. I can't get a feeling of a voice, and it just bugs me out.

My writing feels choppy, it feels bland with no substance and I just don't know how to fix that.
I am very intrigued by flowery writing [also writing that borders purple prose, I find the sentences very pretty]. I don't know which book is my favourite in describing the type of flowery writing that I am aiming for, but I am looking forward to writing visually pleasing sentences. [Now that I think of it, Haruki Murakami's Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman kinda has what I am working towards- at least the prologue where he describes his short novels as a sort of tree?? I can't remember properly].

I have tried reading guide books like On Writing by Stephen King [did not work], The Elements of Style by William Strunk Jr, E.B White [pretty outdated], and etc. I am currently reading Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott, and Writing Tools by Roy Peter Clark [just to understand what the hell I am doing].

I guess the reason why the first two books didn't work for me was that it makes me feel like I am about to imitate a writing style somewhat similar to Ernest Hemingway's direct active sentences. [No hate to those who like Hemingway, but in my opinion, his writing is not that great].

I have been writing since childhood, showed some progress just recently at 2021, and right now- I really feel lost as a writer in basically everything to the point I need some quick baby-steps review. I just wanna write with some motivation behind my back, really.

Let me start by saying thank you again for following along with Mrs. Lady Zedd and I - we’d have done the 600 anyway (that’s just like us) but it wouldn’t have been near as much fun without you. If you haven’t already - Help Us Decide 2022 - I love a good poll.

For some reason, I thought typing the list out and giving some interesting ways to data-mine would be a quick, easy way to highlight the Movie Algorithm Project’s value and utility. By the time I’d worked out it wasn’t going to be quick I’d gone too far to quit (ha!) At any rate, in lieu of the end of month report, I present 2021’s Viewings in MAP order;

Best to Worst MAP Results

((95-100 - Exceptional))

99.95 - The Big Lebowski (1998)

99.86 - Harold and Maude (1971)

99.85 - The French Dispatch (2021)

99.78 - Avanti! (1972)

99.77 - The Goonies (1985)

99.74 - Pete Smalls is Dead (2010)

99.72 - The Empire Strikes Back, Unaltered (1980)

99.60 - Willy Wonka (1971)

99.60 - Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)

99.44 - Star Trek II, Director’s Cut (1982)

99.43 - Popeye (1980)

99.36 - O Brother, Where Art Thou? (2000)

99.26 - Star Wars, Unaltered (1977)

99.25 - The Princess Bride (1987)

99.24 - The Secret of NIMH (1982)

99.14 - Defending Your Life (1991)

99.11 - McCabe and Mrs. Miller (1971)

98.96 - Pirate Radio (2009)

98.92 - E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial (1982)

98.92 - Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Director’s Cut (1977)

98.89 - Funny Farm (1998)

98.85 - The Homecoming: A Christmas Story (1971)

98.79 - Star Trek II, Theatrical Release (1982)

98.76 - Brewster McCloud (1970)

98.49 - Little Miss Sunshine (2006)

98.45 - Return of the Jedi (1983)

98.43 - My Neighbor Totoro (1988)

98.32 - The Rescuers (1977)

98.21 - Kubo and the Two Strings (2016)

98.14 - Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979)

97.98 - Babette’s Feast (1987)

97.97 - National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (1989)

97.90 - 3 Women (1977)

97.85 - Mulholland Drive (2001)

97.83 - Spirited Away (2001)

97.71 - Excalibur (1981)

97.42 - The Shop Around the Corner (1940)

97.30 - Starman (1984)

97.09 - The Dark Crystal (1982)

97.07 - The Out of Towners (1970)

97.04 - Howl’s Moving Castle (2094)

97.00 - Midsommar (2019)

96.95 - Hot Rod (2007)

96.80 - The Shape of Water (2017)

96.47 - Ponya (2008)

96.47 - Kirikou and the Men and Women (2012)

96.20 -

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Buildings in a village or city. PCs duck into / break into random building. What is it?

It could be an argument, a crime, an empty building, a necromancer laboratory, anything you'd find in Baldur's Gate CRPG or Three Musketeers.

Feel free to embellish any suggestion, such as there are d6 dogs, children, golems going about xyz or ABC. This is just the bare-bones minimum for starting a thread, you all know the rules.

I'll add some more empty shops tomorrow, and add some "Ad&d encounter card" style plot hooks after that.

Tyvm kindly flipists.

.....

1 Assaying House - register, vault, items for appraisal and certification.

2 Bakery Shop - from the wee hours in the early morning you'll find baked treats, fresh and hot from the oven.

3 Barber's Shop front and Apothecary Sales - surgical equipment such as razors and gowns, and alchemical supplies such as shoe black, perfumes and soaps.

4 Brass Workers and Outlet - alloy metal scrap, brass tacking, brass fittings, brass items.

5 Brickworks Kiln - clay, slaked lime, pottery and glazes, tiles, concreting supplies, firewood.

6 Butcher - abattoir, smokehouse, butchering tools, cellar or refrigeration with small goods, cheeses.

7 Caners - willow cane, jute, bamboo, woven textiles and flooring, basketry.

8 Canteen Kiosk - during opening hours it serves labourers from a kettle, such as tea and steamed buns, and a meal made from legumes or grains.

9 Chandlers - coal, oil and mineral spirits, asbestos textiles, candle rendering, lamp repairs, and ladder.

10 Doctor's House - you'll find a hearse, and a desk and several chairs, maybe a qualification mounted on the wall.

11 Fire Engine Yard - wagon with cloud ladder, Dalmatian, uniforms helms and axes, and probably reclaimed firewood and building supplies.

12 Furriers - cages, traps, and pelts. Maybe some ammunition or pemmican.

13 Furniture Makers - carpentry and upholstery tools, milled lumber, dressed timber, and incomplete furnishings.

By James1gal

14 - House filled with home alone style booby-traps. (Mostly designed to humiliate the person that triggers them with only a bit of real damage)

15 - Printing Shop - Contains several large rolls of paper, a printing press, and a secure vault filled with phials of expensive inks.

16 - Dress Tailors Shop - Contains several noble women, several seamstresses and a number of dresses on mannequins. The back room contains several tables, sewing implements and several finished and half finished dresses.

17

PART ONE

Since writing, more than meets the Royal eye, my research has continued and I have been in contact with some people that have firsthand knowledge of all the details concerning Mr Dorante-Day, it really has been truly wonderful.

While DNA will still be needed to fully knock this story on the head or even an admission from Mr Dorante-Day that his claims are wrong, I can however share some proof that he is not right.

Let’s start with his birth, A source tells me that Mr Dorante-Day was born in Blake Maternity Home, he was named Trevor Jon, (this has been confirmed with his birth certificate, (that cannot fully be shown due to data privacy laws, as Sandra and Simon are still alive)). His mother was a young unwed woman, I have even learned who the father is, sadly though he has passed away and the remaining family wishes to not be associated with this story. The baby had never been a secret and it is believed that had circumstances been different, Sandra would have kept her son, but unfortunately, after a death in the family, it was not possible at the time.

https://preview.redd.it/ev3aa83i8rx71.png?width=960&format=png&auto=webp&s=dadb8d4b49002df66ed326c03f15ea002c4e3acd

A close family friend says that Trevor (Simon) was kept with his birth mother for 10 days at the Blake Maternity home then was taken to the children’s home in Lee-on the Solent, she would visit Sandra every afternoon and sit with her and the baby. When Sandra left the Maternity home, she was no longer allowed to have contact with Trevor. The baby’s father inquired on the birth and gender, and the welfare of both mother and baby, then nothing was mentioned by him again.

https://preview.redd.it/grt9iqmk8rx71.png?width=945&format=png&auto=webp&s=8d25998af87e2857a6fe35b4acbec17e188e73ec

The baby was adopted at 8 weeks old by Karen and David Day, according to a baby weight records card from Portsmouth Child Welfare Centre, his first weigh in as Simon Charles Day was on the 13 June 1966, he was 10 weeks old and now weighed a healthy 10 pounds and 9 ounces, (his birth weight noted as being 6 pounds and 10 ounces) he was baptised on the 16th of October 1966, as I have mentioned before Charles was a popular name on both sides of the Day and Bowlden family. It had nothing to do with the wishes of the birth parents.

A close contact of the Day family tells me, When Simon was around 8 years old there was an incident concerning a tra

aaron abbey abbie abby abdul abe abel abigail abraham abram ada adah adalberto adaline adam adan addie adela adelaida adelaide adele adelia adelina adeline adell adella adelle adena adina adolfo adolph adria adrian adriana adriane adrianna adrianne adrien adriene adrienne afton agatha agnes agnus agripina agueda agustin agustina ahmad ahmed ai aida aide aiko aileen ailene aimee aisha aja akiko akilah al alaina alaine alan alana alane alanna alayna alba albert alberta albertha albertina albertine alberto albina alda alden aldo alease alec alecia aleen aleida aleisha alejandra alejandrina alejandro alena alene alesha aleshia alesia alessandra aleta aletha alethea alethia alex alexa alexander alexandra alexandria alexia alexis alfonso alfonzo alfred alfreda alfredia alfredo ali alia alica alice alicia alida alina aline alisa alise alisha alishia alisia alison alissa alita alix aliza alla allan alleen allegra allen allena allene allie alline allison allyn allyson alma almeda almeta alona alonso alonzo alpha alphonse alphonso alta altagracia altha althea alton alva alvaro alvera alverta alvin alvina alyce alycia alysa alyse alysha alysia alyson alyssa amada amado amal amalia amanda amber amberly ambrose amee amelia america ami amie amiee amina amira ammie amos amparo amy an ana anabel analisa anamaria anastacia anastasia andera anderson andra andre andrea andreas andree andres andrew andria andy anette angel angela angele angelena angeles angelia angelic angelica angelika angelina angeline angelique angelita angella angelo angelyn angie angila angla angle anglea anh anibal anika anisa anisha anissa anita anitra anja anjanette anjelica ann anna annabel annabell annabelle annalee annalisa annamae annamaria annamarie anne anneliese annelle annemarie annett annetta annette annice annie annika annis annita annmarie anthony antione antionette antoine antoinette anton antone antonetta antonette antonia antonietta antonina antonio antony antwan anya apolonia april apryl ara araceli aracelis aracely arcelia archie ardath ardelia ardell ardella ardelle arden ardis ardith aretha argelia argentina ariana ariane arianna arianne arica arie ariel arielle arla arlean arleen arlen arlena arlene arletha arletta arlette arlie arlinda arline arlyne armand armanda armandina armando armida arminda arnetta arnette arnita arnold arnoldo arnulfo aron arron art arthur artie arturo arvilla asa asha ashanti ashely ashlea ashlee ashleigh ashley ashli ashlie ashly ashlyn ashton asia asley a

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

They’re on standbi

Pilot on me!!

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

When I got home, they were still there.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

I won't be doing that today!

[Removed]

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

There hasn't been a post all year!

You take away their little brooms

Why

It was about a weak back.

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

Where ever you left it 🤷‍♀️🤭

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

Nothing, it just waved

Him: I can explain everything!

(It's his best joke yet I think)