Episode 4 Puns

Because in charge of scheduling Yoda was.

We were watching the latest episode of The Ultimatum and at one point this horse makes some noise during one of the couples’ discussions and I said “looks like they have some neighsayers..”

Upon rewatching the episode I was shocked to find it was 30 minutes long.

Wife-i!

Louise if you read this please come back. I didn't mean what I did in the DQ. I was having a manic episode.

I don’t remember the exact episode but everyone was getting ready for a dance. In my half awake, why can’t we watch something, anything else state, I start thinking, if Mickey and Minnie had kids, they be mice. Donald and Daisy, ducklings. But what kind of kids would Goofy and Clarabell have?

Then it hit me, Bulldogs!

When my wife eventually woke up I told her the joke and she groaned and left the room.

Only one, but it takes ten episodes.

It was St. Patrick’s Day and she was happy to get a “sham” rock!!!

(Full confession: Heard on a 1947 radio episode of The Jack Benny Program)

There's been a report of a small group of terrorists defacing frescoes in Padua, Italy. The attackers used cable winches and box cutters defacing the priceless artworks. Conservators have called it the worst episode of Attack on Titian in living memory.

I can count all 7 inaccuracies from the first episode on one hand

And here they are

In case this is your first time here (I haven't posted in a while), I find jokes here and elsewhere on the internet (and now my friends have started sending me jokes), and I text them to my daughter. I then capture her reactions for those sweet, sweet internet points.

Thanks very much to the original joke submitters. You dads are alright. If you missed any of the previous episodes:

Vol. 1

Vol. 2

Vol. 3

Vol. 4

EDIT: Since this is blowing up, I may as well mention that the young lady in question just passed her driver's license test this morning! Everyone congratulate her!

Also, thanks for the gold.

it will only let me watch episodes 1, 2, 3, 5, 7, 11 and 13

Surely they have a few episodes stashed away.

'Punnit' is hosted by myself and played over three rounds. The first two rounds consist of one category (say, Musical Genres & Ailments), with each contestant going in turn and giving their best 5 entries. Such as, HIVy Metal, Honky Tonksillitis, Indiegestion etc.

These two categories are known about a week or so prior so everyone can bring their best (or worst, depending on how you look at it) but the third round is entirely on the spot, with the entrants shouting out whatever they can think of for a category. One of the recent being American Presidents & American States, with OklaBama winning that one.

It's all very much in the early stages but I would appreciate both feedback on the format and people getting in touch if they wanna duke it out.

Here are the episodes: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKJOzYgG9MW7CQHAZQahiqw/videos

Follow us too @thepunpodcast

Once you’ve seen episode 1, you’ve seen them maul.

They are sitting on a beach gazing upon a water of other episodes, he asks "Dad what's that?" and father replies "That's season"

Teenage Mutant Ninja Puns

Me: Hey, have you seen the last east episode of TMNT?

Friend: Yeah, I have! It was turtally awesome!

Me: ...Are you seriously gonna keep reusing that one, or should I expect something new? You’ve been using that one for awhile.

Friend: Oh, I’m sorry, do you want me to shell out some more puns? I’ve got a million of 'em, folks! I’ll be here all week!

Me: sighs in exasperation

My grandfather or Pa, as I called him gave my an absolute gem.

He was actually my step mother's dad and we already called my other grandfather Papa, so we called him 'Pa Ulb' - Ulb being his surname.

He was an incredible artist and would paint awesome things for us or on our bedroom walls. I remember he painted me a massive Star Wars piece on one of my walls when Episode 1 came out. I was only about about 6 at the time and remember being scared of Darth Maul. From this we used to joke around that Darth Maul would come and get me if I did anything wrong. Sort of like a police officer watching my every move, to ensure I behaved.

This carried on as a joke until he died 2 years ago, when I had done something wrong he said he'd call the police and get Maul to take me away. When he did die he had just finished an incredible painting of Darth Maul as a police officer. It was amazing! My parents could make sense of it and weren't sure if it was him that had painted it, so they flipped it over because he used to always write Pa Ulb Art and the title of the painting.

Surely enough on the back it said Pa ulb Art - Maul Cop.

We were just on the couch watching an episode of "Planet Earth" and during a scene about animals in rivers, she asks me,

"What's the difference an alligator and a crocodile?" in all earnest.

Immediately I replied, "one you see later, and the other you see in a while."

I got the DIRTIEST look after it took a second for the joke to hit home.

The last episode was fire!

Wouldn't make it past the Pilate episode!

Watching the new season of The Chef Show on the Netflix, and in the Hog Island episode, John asks why cheese industry is so big there, and someone replies “it’s a beautiful place for dairy, it also it’s just a big dairy area”.

You mean.................................. a dairy-ah?

I’ll see myself out.

A while back, I had a small housewarming cookout. While my dad was eating a burger and I was still on the grill, he had some sort of episode where his heart stopped. Ambulance came and took him to the hospital and now he's doing fine again.

However... He tells all his friends now "You should try my son's grilling. He makes killer burgers. They're absolutely to die for"

facepalm

Now THAT'S a devoted dad-joker

A Vindaloop

(and no, I didn't even know about the South Park Episode named that until I searched Reddit to see if this was posted before)

Only one, but he needs 3 episodes to do so.

Can't wait to see Xanax episode

Especially the episode when Joey and Chandler get a duck.

People lost interest after the Pilate episode.

Next episode the Mandalorian thinks Baby Yoda is getting laryngitis. But it turns out that he just has a frog in his throat.

My youngest was watching Netflix, deciding on a few episodes of Captain Underpants. In one particular episode, the titled character is forced to share a room with a clown. My wife, watching this show, laughs about him having Coulrophobia (Fear of clowns), and repeatedly panicking in subsequent scenes. Finally near the episode, she asks ,"What did that clown ever do to him?"

My response: "Nothing. He's It's Cousin. Pound Foolish"

Wife stares at me. Blinks twice. Goes back to watching the TV that has more comedy than her idiot husband

Because everyone would be at their worst half of the time, every episode would be “very special” and little, if anything, would end happily for the protagonists.

Because the paracetamol.

(Thank you The League of Gentlemen, Season 1 Episode 1).

In science today we were discussing chemical reactions, more specifically ones resulting in light.

Science teacher: "Have any of you seem that show '1000 ways to die'?

Most answer yes.

Teacher: "Well one episode some guy decided to inject himself with the contents of a glow stick to make his veins glow. He died."

Without thinking about it, I stand up and loudly blurt out: "He wasn't too bright, was he?"

Groans galore. I was so proud.

We used to watch The Simpsons every night, and the conversation about 10 minutes before the show would start went like this

Me: "What's The Simpsons about tonight?"

Dad: "About half an hour"

Eventually, and I'm talking years, I started to remember to phrase it differently instead of just asking what I instinctively would, but he never missed a beat

Me: "Which episode is coming on tonight?"

Dad: "The one that's about half an hour"

Greeting punny people, I require your services to name an upcoming show on my YouTube channel.

The show will be about my first impressions on indie games that have been provided to me by developers. I need a humorous name that includes the word "indie" somehow.

Example: I have another show where I cover games over on Itch.io that I call "Scratching The Itch.io".

Thou shalt be credited for the name during the first episode.

Mr Khan (thick accent): My name is Mr.Khan

Posh British Lady: And how would one spell that?

Mr Khan: The same way that two would!

(Just heard this gem on an episode of Citizen Khan)

They make it very clear in every episode that they’re Medellín kids.

While watching Penn and Teller: Bullshit. The episode is Sex, sex, sex.

Dad: "Hey Ejgamer, what are you watchin'?"

Me: "This lady who can enlarge boobs through hypnosis."

Dad: "You mean hypno-tits?"

Me: "Yeah but I'm pretty sure it'll be a bust."

Obligatory groans ensued.

In charge of scheduling Yoda was.

There's been a report of a small group of terrorists defacing frescoes in Padua, Italy. The attackers used cable winches and box cutters defacing the priceless artworks. Conservators have called it the worst episode of Attack on Titian in living memory.

Just one, but it takes two episodes.