Encyclopaedia Biblica Puns

Isaiah 42:1-4*

1 “Here is my servant, whom I uphold, my chosen one in whom I delight;

2 I will put my Spirit on him, and he will bring justice to the nations. He will not shout or cry out, or raise his voice in the streets.

3 A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out. In faithfulness he will bring forth justice;

4 he will not falter or be discouraged till he establishes justice on earth. In his teaching the islands will put their hope.”

The Arabian Peninsula in Arabic is called الجزيرة العربية Al-Jazeera Al-Arabiya which means the Arabian island. Because it is inaccessible due to the desert and water on three sides. Also the oases and towns scattered across the desert are like islands, as the Arabs would call camels 'the ship of the desert'. I have also seen the world "islands" translated as "coastlands" like in the Common English Bible or the Complete Jewish Bible.

Isaiah 42:10-12

10 Sing to the Lord a new song,

his praise from the ends of the earth,

you who go down to the sea, and all that is in it,

you islands, and all who live in them.

11 Let the wilderness and its towns raise their voices;

let the settlements where Kedar lives rejoice.

Let the people of Sela sing for joy;

let them shout from the mountaintops.

12 Let them give glory to the Lord

and proclaim his praise in the islands.

In other translations "the wilderness and its towns" is translated as "the desert and its towns". Kedar is an ancestor of the Arabs who is named in the Bible and the people of Kedar are the Arabs (definition of Kedar). Additionally the verse which mentions Sela mentions mountaintops.

Here is the Complete Jewish Bible translation of Isaiah 42:11-12

Let the desert and its cities raise their voices,

the villages where Kedar lives;

let those living in Sela shout for joy;

let them cry out from the mountaintops!

I'm just assuming this translation represents a Jewish understanding of the text because of the name, but I could be wrong.

Isaiah 42:20

You have seen many things, but you pay no attention;

your ears are open, but you do not listen.

The book of Deuteronomy did so as well.

I will raise up for them a prophet like you from among their brothers. And I will put my words in his mouth, and he shall speak to them all that I command him. [Deuteronomy 18:18]

This is God speaking to Moses. The Jews said that the Prophet will be from the children of Israel, but when you read further,

“No prophet e

Do your worst!

It really does, I swear!

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

They’re on standbi

Buenosdillas

Pilot on me!!

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

When I got home, they were still there.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

I won't be doing that today!

You take away their little brooms

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

There hasn't been a post all year!

Why

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

[Removed]

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

Nothing, it just waved

Bob

So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."

Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.

Just to clarify, 12345678

Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...

Notices there's only 2;

Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!" Her: "What the hell does that mean?!" Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."

I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

I was just sitting there doing nothing.

“BOOM”?!

"That's what they're fighting about."

free

Because his Visa didn’t work.

Because the audience only responds in a low ha

This is written so I apologise in case in mistakes were present

Jonah sign

Jews cam to the Christ asking for a sign he said there shall be no sign except Jonah sign that being

Thrown out of the ship yet staying alive

Swollen by the whale yet coming alive

Living on the shore of the Island after being ill on the verge of death

Jesus was

Crossed (or appearing to be) yet seen eating fish and honeycomb

Buried and a rock was put on top of his grave yet seen walking

the third being yet to come that he didn't die

Changing the law

some Christians may say muhammed changed the law Jesus said if you get slapped turn the other cheek In the same bible its mentioned an eye for an eye

Muhammed in bible

in the Book of Deuteronomy 18:18-19 it says:  “I will raise up for them a prophet like you from among their brothers; I will put my words in his mouth, and he will tell them everything I command him. If anyone does not listen to my words that the prophet speaks in my name, I myself will call him to account.” (New International Version)  This text is still extant among them. With regard to the phrase “from among their brothers” – if that prophet were to be from among the Children of Israel, it would have said, “I will raise up for them a prophet from among them.” But it says “from among their brothers” – i.e., from among the sons of Ismaa’eel (Ishamel).

Some jews may say its Joshua but Joshua was an israelite God said

Deuteronomy 34:10 Since that time, no prophet has risen in Israel like Moses, whom the LORD knew face to face.

Which means no Israelite Prophet will be better than Moses(I don't know if the Christ is better but he is fatherless like Ishmael sent to Arabs and not an Arabian Jesus wasn't an israelite but sent to Israel)

Gospel of John 16:6-8, 12-13:  “It is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Counselor [Paraclete] will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you. 8When he comes, he will convict the world of guilt in regard to sin

Pastors would say its the holy spirit but Gabriel was as Jesus said with Mary with Elizabeth(John mother) with John with Peter and he was referred to as a man not a Holy being

Secondly: Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: It says in the Torah, in the fifth book [Deuteronomy 33:2]:   “The LORD came from Sinai and dawned over them from Seir; he shone forth from Mount Paran. He came with myriads of holy ones from the south, from his mountain slopes [or: from his righ