We're all steakholders in these incidents. Corporations need to beef up security or these costs will go over the moon. Criminals can't get used to CEOs chickening out and paying.
theguardian.com/food/2021…
Why did the Mexican man end up in the emergency room?
My boss at the wastewater treatment had an emergency the other day.
A back flow of contaminated water came rushing back pretty fast. I asked what we should do, he’s said “ you tell me. urine charge now.”
What do you call an emergency in the spring?
Did you hear about the guy that went to the emergency room because he shoved 26 toy horses up his @ss?
Don't worry… his condition is stable.
Breaking News: K-pop band BTS has sued Phillips and Bose Corporations
Apparently their music was not audible in their noise cancellation headphones
One time Chewbacca forgot to release the emergency brake before flying the millennium falcon
I believe instead of 911 or 112, in case of a medical emergency you should call 12345678
Because that's the proper First Aid number
Uh oh... Emergency: you brought me the wrong tool...
This is not a drill... I repeat, this is not a drill!
I called up Weight Watchers, told them there was an emergency and asked for them to send someone round!
Turns out they’ve got loads of them!
I'm quitting my soul sucking corporate job to be a marine biologist.
I've gotta find some porpoise in my life.
You can book my band for corporate events
We're called Linkedin Park
I came up with this one yesterday when I saw a license plate
Dave Ponder is running for senator, but he and Sharon don't have any children. They want to be seen as a typical political family at any cost, and want to adopt. They stop by an adoption agency.
Dave talks with the administrator and mentions he's in a bit of a hurry with a photo shoot scheduled for next month. Reece, one of the little boys, overhears the conversation and says he'd be happy to be adopted. That was the moment that he became....
an emergency Reece Ponder.
What is a fleet of helicopters called?
My father always taught me to be prepared for any emergency. I was on the ball when the streets flooded...
What number do rabbits call when they have an emergency?
Allow me to introduce myself
I read a report that said 100% of the world's major corporations had unmarried female as CEOs
It was a completely miss-leading report
John Cena emerges from a deep slumber only to find he has wound up in the hospital.
JC: where am I?
Nurse: ICU.
JC: No you can’t.
I can't find my 'Gone In 60 seconds' DVD.
It was here a minute ago.
A chef cut himself and went to the emergency room...
The nurses patched him in triage and after a long wait, the doctor called him in. "You'll take about eight stitches and be on your way." The chef replied, "I can tell you're all very busy here, so just hand me the needle and I'll be on my way." The doctor looked by turns insulted, annoyed and dismissive.
"Fine then. Suture self."
Pro Tip: If you have a gashed wound, it is cheaper to go to a comedy club than the emergency room.
You just pay the cover charge and they'll have you in stitches.
A man should always carry a knife. It can cut your food, open beer bottles, be a screwdriver, or even be used as a toothpick. It works great for cleaning your fingernails, and it's quite useful in an emergency situation
like when you have to change someone's mind.
I wear a stethoscope so that in a medical emergency...
I can teach people a valuable lesson about assumptions.
Prisoner tunnels out of jail and emerges in a school playground shouting “I’m free”!
Little girl walks up and shouts “I’m four!”
This guy with a hammer kept screaming like it was an emergency...
This is not a drill! This is not a drill! STOP!
.
.
.
Hammer time!
I had a newly created job as Corporate Critic...
where I could criticize and demean other employees. But the job was eliminated and I was let go when my co-workers complained about my DISS-POSITION.
My local government sent me some free, emergency toilet paper in the mail!
They called it a "Jury Summons."
The city of St. Louis is offering huge tax breaks to major corporations so that big businesses can move in.
Because Missouri loves Company.
Organizing a fleet of boats...
The Novel Coronavirus has become a worldwide health emergency
How would a socially awkward adult go about emerging from a lair of eternal loneliness?
I guess spring is one the way... birds singing, animals emerging from winter dens, trees budding with potential...
I love the fleeting second of shock you get when you stumble over an extension cord.
Seriously, what a power trip.
I always keep a Bieber container nearby for emergencies
If there's an emergency at your Game of Thrones viewing party
You should go to Daenerys exit.
How do you stop your pig in a emergency?
You pull up the ham brakes
Before my operation last week, the nurse wanted to know if I could give them a contact number in case of an emergency...
I think this woman I met on Tinder is having an emergency...
She keeps texting me and saying "Get over here RN"
In case of emergency, break glass.
Why would I hurt myself in an emergency?
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