Eli Todd Puns

Hello, my name is Eli Todd, but you can call me the Warrior.

I'm a superhero.

I stand for the homeless, the unrepresented and against ignorance and the spread of Covid-19.

I want to be your Congressman.

In order to begin, I need signatures and/or donations.

Soon, I will be posting links to my gofundme, and will also be giving updates on when and where I will be out gathering signatures. The next few months are crucial for this campaign to happen.

I'm not going to try any sell you any falsehoods about my chances. I face fierce opponents, but the reason why I am doing this isn't to win. I'm running to send a message.

Do you want to be a part of that message? Do you want to help me craft my platform? I'm willing to listen, and truly represent you and your opinions.

These days, there are political divides and issues that seem impossible to reconcile, but I believe we can work together.

If you are tired of seeing the same thing from your elected representatives, then like, follow or share my message. Help me enter the race.

I'm 26 years old. I don't have a lot of money, or all the answers, but I want to make change. Do you feel the same way?

The Warrior fights for peace.

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Since The Venue @ Hub closed in 2014, Fargo has had a huge hole in concert facilities. If you are unfamiliar, it was in the Avalon building on 25th and had a main level and a mezzanine. Click here for a picture

It was big time for concerts (see list below) and unfortunately with our current facilities, most of these shows are not possible. It's not because they don't want to come here or didn't draw well. No place to put them

At the time the Venue added the mezzanine level, it was the #98 largest club in the nation with a capacity of 2,800. It was a sweet spot for shows and it routinely got Minneapolis shows

We now see less concerts like that because:

- The Fargodome is way too big

- Scheels arena is too big at 6,000

- Bluestem, The Lights and Fargo Brewing, are outdoor facilities, and can only be used in the summer. Plus they can't go late with noise ordinances

- Fargo Theater only holds about 1,000, but no general admission and it has permanent chairs

- The Sanctuary holds around 800.

- The Hall at Fargo Brewing & Aquarium is under 400

How can we get a 3k seat indoor concert facility with a mezzanine level like the Venue had?

The City of Fargo and Fargodome wants to build a convention center attached to the dome. It seems like a good opportunity to turn one end of it into a building similar to The Venue @ The Hub was. It could still be used for convention space and business meetings

Then tear the Fargo Civic down because they let it fall into disrepair and let them build the performing Arts Center there. That building will not be suitable for concerts. It will have permanent seats.

If the goal is to attract concerts, tourist dollars and attract a workforce (people want to live where things are going on), this seems like home run

Here is an incomplete list of shows held at The Venue back in the day. Unfortunately we have no place to put them so they skip Fargo

2014: Hairball, GWAR, WookieFoot, The Used, Taking Back Sunday, Frank lero, Limp Bizkit, Starset, Devour the Day, All That Remains, Eli Young Bnd, 311, Sevendust, Gemini Syndrome, Pop Evil, Black Label Society, Kyng, Wovenwar, The Flaming Lips, Machine Head, Anti Mortem, Gavin DeGraw, Chevelle, Highly Suspect, Ben Harper with Charlie Musselwhite, Carnifex, Whitechapel, Revocation, Rivers of Nihil, Fit for an Autopsy, Devil Driver, Lacuna Coil, Theory of a

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

The doctor says it terminal.

Do your worst!

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Mathematical puns makes me number

We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

He lost May

Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

Point out any errors and I'll correct them. I might do 2022 once the rosters are set.

 

SEC [158 PLAYERS]

• Alabama [40 PLAYERS]

• LaBryan Ray, #28, class of 2017

• DeVonta Smith, #62, class of 2017

• Stephon Wynn, #74, class of 2018

• Trey Sanders, #6, class of 2019

• Evan Neal, #7, class of 2019

• Pierce Quick, #40, class of 2019

• Jordan Battle, #43, class of 2019

• Henry To'o To'o, #44, class of 2019

• Justin Eboigbe, #62, class of 2019

• Amari Kight, #76, class of 2019

• Byron Young, #77, class of 2019

• Shane Lee, #78, class of 2019

• Jameson Williams, #82, class of 2019

• DeMarcco Hellams, #84, class of 2019

• Bryce Young, #2, class of 2020

• Will Anderson, #17, class of 2020

• Chris Braswell, #19, class of 2020

• Drew Sanders, #22, class of 2020

• Demouy Kennedy, #39, class of 2020

• Jase McClellan, #47, class of 2020

• Tim Smith, #56, class of 2020

• Brian Branch, #61, class of 2020

• Quandarrius Robinson, #65, class of 2020

• Roydell Williams, #77, class of 2020

• J.C. Latham, #3, class of 2021

• Tommy Brockermeyer, #6, class of 2021

• Dallas Turner, #9, class of 2021

• Kool-Aid McKinstry, #18, class of 2021

• Damon Payne, #24, class of 2021

• Ja'Corey Brooks, #27, class of 2021

• Camar Wheaton, #34, class of 2021

• Agiye Hall, #45, class of 2021

• JoJo Earle, #47, class of 2021

• Terrion Arnold, #51, class of 2021

• Deontae Lawson, #52, class of 2021

• Terrence Ferguson, #58, class of 2021

• Keanu Koht, #59, class of 2021

• Christian Leary, #75, class of 2021

• Jalen Milroe, #82, class of 2021

• Monkell Goodwine, #92, class of 2021

• Georgia [35 PLAYERS]

• Julian Rochester, #70, class of 2016

• Zamir White, #9, class of 2018

• Jamaree Salyer, #10, class of 2018

• J.T. Daniels, #16, class of 2018

• Adam Anderson, #18, class of 2018

• Derion Kendrick, #26, class of 2018

• Quay Walker, #31, class of 2018

• James Cook, #41, class of 2018

• Nolan Smith, #1, class of 2019

• Travon Walker, #22, class of 2019

• George Pickens, #24, class of 2019

• Clay Webb, #26, class of 2019

• Dominick Blaylock, #36, class of 2019

• Lewis Cine, #45, class of 2019

• Rian Davis, #89, class of 2019

• Kelee Ringo, #4, class of 2020

• Arik Gilbert, #5, class of 2020

• Broderick Jones, #11, class of 2020

• Jalen Carter, #18, class of 2020

• Darnell Washington, #23, class of 2020

• M.J. Sherman, #33, class of 2020

• Tate Ratledge, #38, class of 2020

• Kendall Milton, #54, class of 2020

• Marcus

It really does, I swear!

Just thought it would be interesting to look at. Ties are also shown.

And now I’m cannelloni

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

And boy are my arms legs.

Put it on my bill

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

They’re on standbi

BamBOO!

A play on words.

Calcium, nickel, neon

My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.

Pilot on me!!