They say practice healthy eating…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FoodPunAficionado
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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Eating apples is healthy
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πŸ‘€︎ u/normalperson4382
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2019
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One should eat a healthy meal before going to space.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/suddenly_ants
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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So I try to eat healthy

But every time I try, a chocolate bar looks at me and snickers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SprxtGaming
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
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I eat healthy food 6 days a week

I only eat greasy food on Fryday

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
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Why don’t healthy dyslexic people eat bread?

Too many crabs.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2018
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(OC) I have tendancy to take things literally.

I just got out of jail for shoplifting.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YeahBut-I-Thought
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2019
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I want to create a Pink Floyd album cover out of cereal.

I think I’ll call it the dark side of the spoon.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_normski
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
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Typical dad joke

I asked my dad what he and my mom did for Valentines day and he said they had multiple dates. I asked him how they went and he the dates were very healthy and I should eat dates too..He was talking about eating the dry fruit!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_allons_y
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2019
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Story time!

A baker and his wife had a child. A lovely, healthy boy. Since the wife was mad about history, she wanted to give the boy a name suitable for a man destined for great things. Jokes were made, names proposed, but in the end the decision was made - they named the boy Attila.

Attila showed great potential from an early age - he excelled at sports, grew strong, but his other capabilities were astonishing as well. He learned and went through encyclopedias like a fire through forests. Surely enough, he was bound to become a great man some day.

Apart from being an exceptional young man, he loved animals as well. He was kind and compassionate, equally cherishing all forms of life. Since his parents loved him so much, they bought him all he ever wanted - but he did not ask for much, he was never greedy.

Growing up, he has received many animals as pets - there were cats, dogs, hamsters and even exotic animals - tarantulas, snakes, scorpions, you name it.

Their home became a sort of an animal sanctuary, and Attila took care of all animals with love and passion. But, the family business was starting to suffer when his father the baker got ill.

Being the amazing young man he was, Attila stepped up and started learning secrets of the trade - he started baking like no one else.

But, since he devoted his time to the bakery, the animals were starting to be neglected. He tried feeding them, petting them, but nothing helped.

Slowly, one by one the animals passed away leaving behind only the most resistant ones - the snake and a few spiders.

The spiders were easy to take care of, but the snake wouldn't eat, no matter what. Saddened, Attila came to his mother and asked for advice as he was all out of ideas. Of course, being the caring mother she always was, she passed on her knowledge to Attila:

"This anaconda don't want none, unless you got buns, Hun."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeviantClam
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2016
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Why was six scared of seven?

Because seven ate nine

But why did seven eat nine?

Because they say you need three healthy, squared meals a day

But it kinda sucks though how the Spanish magician, stole all of your three meals and disappeared without a tres

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MckiesDickies
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2018
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Sean Connery's doctor told him...

...that it wasn't healthy to keep eating entire eggs, shells and all. "Just give it up for 40 days in the spring, and I bet you'll feel better."

The actor took his advice, and returned after 40 days.

"How was it?" the doctor asked.

Sean Connery smiled. "Eggshell-Lent!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tarnafein
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2017
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ham and cheese and ham

Me: "Lol, in University I make a ham and cheese sandwich for like every meal"

Mom: "Don't you wanna eat something more healthy?"

Me: "No mom, it's so good and so easy to make"

Mom: "But also so unhealthy to eat it all the time"

Dad: "Hah, so why don't you just make a cheese and ham sandwich instead of a ham and cheese sandwich? Must be way healthier! HAHAHAHA lmfao...."

-silence-

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ultracrax
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2017
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Just got my wife while talking about a gifts.

Wife: That's something I really want, a food processor!

Me: No. We already agreed to eat healthy in the new year.

Wife: What are you talking about? You can make some really healthy foods in a food processor.

Me: I refuse to continue to eat processed food.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MSeltz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2014
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I'm more like my dad every day...

I was texting my mom during dinner.

Me: "I had a plate of carrots, string beans, and cucumber and broccoli as part of dinner."

"I also got a plate of french fries so I don't eat too healthy."

Mom: "lol. It may send your body into shock."

Me: "are you saying it will put me into a vegetative state?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vagina_crust
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2013
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When we have a kid I want to make Asian baby food!

Me: Well, that seem unethical.

Wife: Because it's healthy?

Me: I don't see why it's healthy or ethical to eat asian babies.

Wife: ...I meant Asian food for babies.

Me: Oh! Well that makes more sense.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/monopanda
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2014
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Everytime I try to eat healthy...

...a chocolate bar looks at me and Snickers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/glyph-bellchime
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2018
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